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I think something is wrong with me

Posted by on Apr. 3, 2014 at 3:47 AM
  • 9 Replies

 I am a SAHM with 3 boys. ( i have a daughter that passed away 5 1/2 years ago. & currently 6months pregnant.) My oldest is in school 8-2. So its my 2 LO's. 4 & 1 at home all day. I find myself yelling alot more revently. Ive lost my patience for the smallest of things. I get frustrated very easy and without realizing it in the moment im very verbal with my 4yo. He acts out and has a hard time listening to the simplest of instruction or routine thing to do. I sit at night and think over the day and beat myself up thinking im the most awful mom on the plalnet to where i just want to sit and cry. (sometimes i do) i love my children with every ounce of me but sometimes think im not meant to be a mom or that they would be better off without me. (no not suicide thoughts, just that they should be brought up by my husband or someone else. ) I wanna be the mom that you see in movies or commercials where their kids are happy and listen. I know life isnt perfect but the feeling i have of being a bad mom never goes away. Bad mom not in the sense that i neglect them cause oh boy am i busy during the day. Dr apts, phone calls, my dr apts, grocery shopping, cleaning (im a clean freak), breakfast lunch dinner served, DH has a shower waiting for him when he gets home, coffee & a lunch ready for the next morning, homework, baths, and anything else that comes up during the day. I often feel guilty if i sit and take a breather on the couch or if i have a day (rarely) that i dont do anything. I take care of the kids and thats it, everything else waits till the next day. How do i not feel guilty for one?, and how do i have more patience with my kids? I want to be the mom that does projects and the fun stuff, along with the routines and rules. I just want to actually feel happy, not just settle with a day. Or wake up to thinking" yup its gonna be another one of those days".

by on Apr. 3, 2014 at 3:47 AM
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Replies (1-9):
celestegood
by Gold Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 6:40 AM
First off, I was you not long ago. Seriously.

When was the last time you did something, for you? When was the last time you took a break? Honey, you can't do it all. You need to let your hubs take the kids on his day off, or in the evening, or leave your kids with a sitter, or take a few hours off to do something you like to do and leave the kids with a friend.

You NEED that. Not want, need. Period. Take it, you have to. You are losing yourself.

You are stressed because you don't get time to yourself, and there are no awards for that. You see it yourself, you aren't doing anybody any favors by doing it all and never doing for yourself.

You just need to sit your hubs down and have a talk with him. Tell him you are in serious need of a break every week. And take it. Trust me, you will be happy you did. You will be a happier woman, and better momma to your kiddos.

And hugs, I know how you feel. And so sorry for your loss.
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celestegood
by Gold Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 6:40 AM
Like my mom always says, take care of yourself, because nobody else will.
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goddess99
by Michelle on Apr. 3, 2014 at 8:57 AM

It's sounds like you're stretched way too thin. Have your dh help more. 4 kids is A Lot to handle on your own. 

clairewait
by Bronze Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 9:06 AM

Sounds like prenatal depression to me.

I have it (4th pregnancy). It is MOST LIKELY completely hormonal.

You have options. Talk to your doc. Zoloft is recommended (and I'm on it and it is working) because it has been deemed most safe for pregnancy. For me, the risk of antidepressants during pregnancy had to be weighed with me feeling totally stressed out for 9 months. I figure the stress and anger was worse for the fetus than the potential effects of this drug. But you kind of have to decide that for yourself.

I'll be honest. I'm usually adamantly against anti-depressants. (Had PPD with 2 kids and didn't like the meds.) That said, I know when I'm at my limit and I'm willing to admit that short-term use might be necessary.

Hopefully you figure something out. 

FWIW: I get plenty of me-time. Even though I also have 3 kids at home (one in school, one in pre-school, one toddler), I am a blessed/spoiled wife. Even with plenty of me time, plenty of nap time, and my above-average health, my moods were becoming damaging to my family.

Kageegirl
by Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 9:09 AM
I can relate to you on so many levels. I have 3 boys ages 8, 7 and 3 years old. I am constantly busy from the time I get up until I lay my head to rest at 10pm. I cook 3 meals a day, bake snacks, clean the house, grocery shop, pay bills, help boys with homework, tend to their needs as well as dh's and I work from home running dh's remodeling company (book keeping, advertisement, Secretary ect) I am so lucky to have such an understanding and caring husband. He helps out around the house where he can, he tenda to our boys and givea me whatever time I need to refuel.

I think your getying run down and need a break. Find sometime to do somethibg for yourself. You won't believe the difference it'll make.

Feel better!
jenn_alm
by Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 9:40 AM
Chin up mama!!I know it could be hard to do sometimes but take a break, im a sahm too and I know sometimes it can be overwealming but you also have to take care of you!! ;) hugs!!
rdnkwskygrl
by on Apr. 3, 2014 at 10:55 AM

 Thank you so much. I often feel guilty for taking "me" time. I usually only go me time once every 5 weeks when i get my nails done cause thats the only thing outside of bills, kids house & home that i do for me. I dont go get new clothes, shoes, go out with the girls. Or i get to go grocery shopping by myself lol. When i do go do something i feel very selfish like i should be at home taking care of my kids. DH and i rarely do a date night. We usually take the kids with me so i dont have to feel selfish. We do us time when they are all in bed, saves money too cause hes out of work just recently due to construction slowdowns. I dont know how to get out of feeling guilty, selfish, and want for just me.

Quoting celestegood: First off, I was you not long ago. Seriously. When was the last time you did something, for you? When was the last time you took a break? Honey, you can't do it all. You need to let your hubs take the kids on his day off, or in the evening, or leave your kids with a sitter, or take a few hours off to do something you like to do and leave the kids with a friend. You NEED that. Not want, need. Period. Take it, you have to. You are losing yourself. You are stressed because you don't get time to yourself, and there are no awards for that. You see it yourself, you aren't doing anybody any favors by doing it all and never doing for yourself. You just need to sit your hubs down and have a talk with him. Tell him you are in serious need of a break every week. And take it. Trust me, you will be happy you did. You will be a happier woman, and better momma to your kiddos. And hugs, I know how you feel. And so sorry for your loss.

 

MistressMinerva
by Jennifer on Apr. 3, 2014 at 12:11 PM

You need to find sometime just for yourself.

Janet
by Ruby Member on Apr. 3, 2014 at 4:25 PM

I think it sounds a little like depression too. Talk to your doctor about it hun.

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