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Need advice on my daughter and her friend

Posted by on Apr. 10, 2014 at 3:09 PM
  • 53 Replies

 I have myself in a bit of a sticky situation.....over the last several months I have become very close with a girlfriend of mine, we are what I would call best friends even, well we have daughters, just a little over a year apart in age, they too have become close.  They always were friends, but even closer now that my friend and I are spending more time together, so do our girls.  Well, here recently, my friend's daughter has been down right rude to my daughter.  She speaks rudely to her, she argues, picks at her, almost bullies her even.  And at times will just ignore my DD completely, like she isn't even in the room....then maybe the next day, just fine and dandy, hugging on my DD, telling her she loves her, etc.  I understand young girls and hormones, the daily ups and downs....but my DD is sensitive, and really takes this treatment personally and it hurts her.  She wants to stand up for herself to her friend, however, I am afraid it is gong to cause major ripples in both relationships.  My friend's daughter is very much like my friend, so the apple doesn't fall far from the tree...she may not even agree if I bring up this issue to her, and I really do not want to make a big deal out of this, is this is a real problem, or are they girls just being girls???  I want my daughter to stand up for herself and have a backbone, within reason, and doing it as kind as possible,  am I giving her the wrong message by telling her to just let her behavior go, just ignore it, it will pass, etc ??  Our girls are on a dance team together so we all see each other at least 3 times a week, it is important that we all get along.

Any advice, tips, help??  Anyone been in a similar situation?

by on Apr. 10, 2014 at 3:09 PM
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Replies (1-10):
goddess99
by Michelle on Apr. 10, 2014 at 3:33 PM

Here's a Bump.

I have never been in a situation like that. Not sure what I would do. Sorry.

MySweetChild
by Member on Apr. 10, 2014 at 4:50 PM
Thanks for the bump!
I just ended a horribly toxic friendship with someone & that was a terribly difficult situation to go through...now this! I believe you & I actually discused that, if you remember me?! Lol!
But anyway, I was branching out & making new friends & thought this was going great, but I just hate to see what my daughter has to go through. And I realize she has to fight her own battles & this is part of growing up, but it just puts us all in an awkward position.


Quoting goddess99:

Here's a Bump.

I have never been in a situation like that. Not sure what I would do. Sorry.

goddess99
by Michelle on Apr. 10, 2014 at 5:47 PM

Yes, I remember your name. How old are the girls?

Quoting MySweetChild: Thanks for the bump! I just ended a horribly toxic friendship with someone & that was a terribly difficult situation to go through...now this! I believe you & I actually discused that, if you remember me?! Lol! But anyway, I was branching out & making new friends & thought this was going great, but I just hate to see what my daughter has to go through. And I realize she has to fight her own battles & this is part of growing up, but it just puts us all in an awkward position.
Quoting goddess99:

Here's a Bump.

I have never been in a situation like that. Not sure what I would do. Sorry.


nichole_erin
by on Apr. 10, 2014 at 5:55 PM
I could have written this myself except for the dance and seeing each other 3 times a week. My friend has a dd a year younger than mine and is a total brat and horrible friend to my dd. I just distance ourselves from them. We see each other maybe one time a month. It's easier to tolerate the kid's attitude in small doses. I can't bring it up to my friend because she's overly defensive about her aggressive little snowflake, I know it would make her mad. Her mom and sisters argue with her about her dds bad behavior all the time, and she just thinks they're being bitches about her kid, so I can't imagine she would take it well if I pointed out how bratty her kid was acting too. I don't like the effect it has on my dd to be around that girl, so I avoid them if I can. I make up excuses not to hang out, and dd and I just find something better to do.
splatz
by Sarah on Apr. 10, 2014 at 6:14 PM

Oh man... that is rough. Its hard since it will affect both friendships. Maybe just try mentioning it in conversation to your friend. I wouldn't point fingers or make a big deal about it. Hopefully then she won't get defensive without actually listening to your concerns. 

Esmrlda
by Member on Apr. 10, 2014 at 6:22 PM
5 moms liked this

I would start to distance myself from them.  I sorry you might lose a friend but your dd comes first and when she stands up for yourself your friend and you will naturally back up your dd's causing the relationship to fissure.

MySweetChild
by Member on Apr. 11, 2014 at 12:23 AM
I was hoping you would!

They are 13 & 11


Quoting goddess99:

Yes, I remember your name. How old are the girls?

Quoting MySweetChild: Thanks for the bump!
I just ended a horribly toxic friendship with someone & that was a terribly difficult situation to go through...now this! I believe you & I actually discused that, if you remember me?! Lol!
But anyway, I was branching out & making new friends & thought this was going great, but I just hate to see what my daughter has to go through. And I realize she has to fight her own battles & this is part of growing up, but it just puts us all in an awkward position.


Quoting goddess99:

Here's a Bump.

I have never been in a situation like that. Not sure what I would do. Sorry.

MySweetChild
by Member on Apr. 11, 2014 at 12:28 AM
Wow, that does sound very familiar! I have never brought it up to my friend yet, only because I know she will defend her DD. But I have the moms & the other girls from class all admitting they see it & even their coach. Plus, my friend has cried on my shoulder many times that her DD has no friends...I'm beginning to realize why she doesn't. Of course she blames it on other girls, and yes, they may have their faults, but I also see how her DD is treating people so it doesn't surprise me she has issues keeping friends. I have heard from people that know them well, say my friend & her DD go through friends like toilet paper.....great! This makes me sad. But I'm glad we know the truth.

Quoting nichole_erin: I could have written this myself except for the dance and seeing each other 3 times a week. My friend has a dd a year younger than mine and is a total brat and horrible friend to my dd. I just distance ourselves from them. We see each other maybe one time a month. It's easier to tolerate the kid's attitude in small doses. I can't bring it up to my friend because she's overly defensive about her aggressive little snowflake, I know it would make her mad. Her mom and sisters argue with her about her dds bad behavior all the time, and she just thinks they're being bitches about her kid, so I can't imagine she would take it well if I pointed out how bratty her kid was acting too. I don't like the effect it has on my dd to be around that girl, so I avoid them if I can. I make up excuses not to hang out, and dd and I just find something better to do.
MySweetChild
by Member on Apr. 11, 2014 at 12:31 AM
I think that may be best, just casually throw it out there. And no, I wouldn't want to point fingers. I cannot say my child is without fault, and I don't want her to think I'm saying that hers is totally at fault. Just kindly & casually bring it up if I can. It is definitely a tough place to be!

Quoting splatz:

Oh man... that is rough. Its hard since it will affect both friendships. Maybe just try mentioning it in conversation to your friend. I wouldn't point fingers or make a big deal about it. Hopefully then she won't get defensive without actually listening to your concerns. 

MySweetChild
by Member on Apr. 11, 2014 at 12:34 AM
I agree. I think that is a good solution, slowly distancing ourselves. And maybe that is part of the problem, maybe the girls spend too much time together. With seeing each other 3 days a week & weekends too, maybe they need more time apart.

Quoting Esmrlda:

I would start to distance myself from them.  I sorry you might lose a friend but your dd comes first and when she stands up for yourself your friend and you will naturally back up your dd's causing the relationship to fissure.

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