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40 yrs old and lost

Posted by on Apr. 16, 2014 at 8:31 AM
  • 20 Replies

Yes i am 40 yrs old and lost. I am a stay at home mom of a 5 yr little boy. I have been home with him since he's born. I use to be a medical assistant. I enjoyed and appreciate the time i have had with my son. He is going to school in September. My husband and i want another baby but i am conflicted. Do i want to stay home with another baby for another 5 yrs or get a career. I didn't go to college but would love to go back to school. I am so torn between school, a career and having another child. To be quite honest i feel like i am the best mom but in the same regard a loser because i have no degree or career. I feel useless. I am interested in the medical field. I want to be a nutritionist but i know its a big commitment to go back to school. I am at a huge crossroads in my life. I feel like 40 yrs old is old and i missed the boat. I am so confused. I had a horrendous miscarriage this past January. In the ER I happend to see the baby flow out of me during my miscarriage. I picked it up in shock screaming " my baby". Another patient in the room ran out screaming. The nurse ran in and took it out of my hands and dumped it head first in a jar. I haven't been the same since then. I am scared to try again but want another baby so bad. I also want a career. Can i have both or do i have to choose one. Am i stupid to feel like a loser because i dont have a degree that says I'm somebody?  I would love some feedback.

by on Apr. 16, 2014 at 8:31 AM
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Replies (1-10):
goddess99
by Michelle on Apr. 16, 2014 at 8:55 AM

Hi I'll be 42 in a month. Only you can make those choices but I can tell you how I feel about myself at my age. I'm a sahm as well, my only child is 11. I married a man much younger than me, he's still in his 20s. I'm very happy staying home and taking care of the house and my family. Personally I feel too old to have another child and too old and out of the loop to even try for jobs in my small town. But that's just me. You do what will make you the happiest. I'm sorry for your loss!

Noelle40
by Member on Apr. 16, 2014 at 9:20 AM
1 mom liked this

Hello. I can kind of relate to what you are going through. My first child was a miscarriage and I went through a very similar experience as yourself. I pushed the placenta out in the ER and cried saying "My baby.My baby." and had to give them up to the lab.  I know that emotional pain only too well.  I felt like I had let my family down and I was the only woman in my entire family to lose my child to a miscarriage. But thankfully one year to the date of being pregnant the first time I was pregnant again.  I now cherish every moment with our beautiful 11 yr old daughter.  But I only had her. I wasn't willing to risk another miscarriage like I had the first time.

As for a college career that's purely up to you. I have a Bachelor's in Mass Communications which is almost totally useless for the area I live in. I returned to work about a year and half ago at a local department store managing the fitting room. So much for getting the most out of my education.  But I ended up having to resign due to an unexpected disc repair in my neck followed by a major abdominal surgery and another possible back surgery soon.  So I am home again, but I really don't mind. I've taken up writing my novels again as a hobby and preparing for buying our first home thanks to his parents. We are viesing some houses this weekend.

A nutrionist sounds exciting. I had tried to go back to college at one point for the same thing, but got turned down for financial aid as they told me I had gone as far in my education as possible since I had my BS. So I gave it up, but I do continue to cook at home, experiment with taste and bake as well. Just another hobby of mine I love.  

Anything is possible in today's world. I have a friend who just graduated from college as a dental hygienist. She is divorced and raising five small children on her own, but she did it.  So anything is possible. She went to school pat time did all the ncessary testing and is now employed as a hygienist and loves it.

If you ever need to just talk please don't hesitate to message me. I am on and off throughout the day as I pack for our future move. I will answer you as soon as I get the message. I don't know that I can help very much, but I am willing to try.

Sorry so long.

Noelle40

Noelle40
by Member on Apr. 16, 2014 at 9:24 AM

BTW, to add to my message below I am 45 and my friend I talk about just finishing college is 43.  So don't let age stop you from doing something you really want to do.  I wouldn't let it stop me. I think it's great you're considering of going back to school. I wish I could.  I've also been happily married for 15 yrs to a man two years younger. Can't wait to finally move into our first house together. please feel free to message me at any time.

Quoting emanticoff:

Yes i am 40 yrs old and lost. I am a stay at home mom of a 5 yr little boy. I have been home with him since he's born. I use to be a medical assistant. I enjoyed and appreciate the time i have had with my son. He is going to school in September. My husband and i want another baby but i am conflicted. Do i want to stay home with another baby for another 5 yrs or get a career. I didn't go to college but would love to go back to school. I am so torn between school, a career and having another child. To be quite honest i feel like i am the best mom but in the same regard a loser because i have no degree or career. I feel useless. I am interested in the medical field. I want to be a nutritionist but i know its a big commitment to go back to school. I am at a huge crossroads in my life. I feel like 40 yrs old is old and i missed the boat. I am so confused. I had a horrendous miscarriage this past January. In the ER I happend to see the baby flow out of me during my miscarriage. I picked it up in shock screaming " my baby". Another patient in the room ran out screaming. The nurse ran in and took it out of my hands and dumped it head first in a jar. I haven't been the same since then. I am scared to try again but want another baby so bad. I also want a career. Can i have both or do i have to choose one. Am i stupid to feel like a loser because i dont have a degree that says I'm somebody?  I would love some feedback.


splatz
by Sarah on Apr. 16, 2014 at 10:07 AM
You are never too old to go back to school. I say go for it!
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SlightlyPerfect
by Member on Apr. 16, 2014 at 10:55 AM

I'm 32 with a 5-year-old daughter, and I was ridiculously career-oriented before having a child. After she turned 1, I decided to stay home with her and never looked back. It was Total. Career. Suicide. And I was ok with that.

In January,  I was due for a new IUD, so DH and I had a brief conversation about having another kid, and we promptly decided against it. We're "one and done" kind of people.

Eventually I want to go back to work and finish my master's--as long as it would not detract from DD's childhood--and I couldn't do that if I had another one. I'd put my career on hold again for another 5 years at least, and I would go nuts in the process.

My advice to you is to listen to your gut. After what happened to you in January, I think you should listen to your body. I know that might sound harsh, but it's the truth. You have a gorgeous child and soon you'll be in school again and back on track with your career. Don't settle, but definitely recognize and accept your body's limitations. But never ever feel you're too old or too young or you've somehow "missed the boat" to go back to school. I love learning, I love education.

Even if you don't have the money, you can audit some Ivy League courses for free. That's what I do on iTunesU. I'm auditing philosophy courses from Harvard right now, so I keep on learning. Try that out first to get your feet wet before making the plunge if you're a bit nervous.


delanna6two
by Platinum Member on Apr. 16, 2014 at 11:06 AM

Hugs....hope things will work out for you in your decision....

want10more
by Member on Apr. 17, 2014 at 5:22 AM

i will be 44 in june, and oh how i miss the chance of having a career. i will never feel finished you know? if you can do it? DO IT! you CAN have both. and as for your baby? i have 6 kids, and i lost more than i had. it's freaking horrible. just try to know in your heart that your precious angel, if he/she had lived? would prolly have a really hard life, cuz something was just not right w/ him/her. gosh, yeah, that was terrible for you. but know your angel is safe now, and always loving you for loving him/her so much. i am not in a position to go after my dreams. but if you are? oh plz do! DO NOT BE ME! do NOT feel 'less than' cuz you are too scared! this is something you CAN do. for you, for your CHILD! go go go! and you will never regret what you did try, only that what you didn't!

cdandria
by on Apr. 17, 2014 at 6:27 AM

I know how you feel, I deal with the same feelings myself.. but could never figure out what I wanted to do with myself.. I gave birth do my daughter just before my 39th birthday, but also raised my step granddaughter as well... Took her in 8 yrs. before then.. Always wished I had gone to college, but something always stopped me one way or another.. I wish I could give you some advice, but I have been struggling with the very same issue of career myself.. 

I wish you luck, with what ever you choose.. Being a mom is an awsome blessing and wouldn't change that for the world myself.. but at the same time, having a career makes you feel you've accomplished something in life.. 

Wish you all the best in what you choose..Carol

celestegood
by Gold Member on Apr. 17, 2014 at 6:54 AM
Honestly, you will find the path that is right for you. Do what feels right.
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johnny4ever
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Beautiful day!
Yesterday at 8:35 AM
by Mrs. Depp on Apr. 17, 2014 at 8:32 AM

40 is the new 30 sweetie!I just went back to work last fall and I was a sahm for 9 years.I am proud to be 40!That sounds like a horrific thing to go through.What is your heart telling you to do?

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