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Aftermath of Spoiling Grandparents

Posted by on May. 8, 2014 at 10:55 AM
  • 18 Replies
Ok, I know grandparents spoil their grandkids and it is normal but when the grandparents want (not need) to pick up the kids twice a week from school/daycare it gets to be too much! Every time my parents or my husband's parents picks the kids up, they end up behaving awful that night at home! I am thinking of limiting the grandparent's visits to just the weekends bc I'm tired of dealing with the kids (age 3 & 5) spoiled behavior and trying to get them back into the "at home, there are rules" mindset. Plus it gets them out of their evening routine too. Have you had to deal with bad behavior after your kids go to the grandparents? How do you deal with it?
by on May. 8, 2014 at 10:55 AM
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Replies (1-10):
LDavis33
by Member on May. 8, 2014 at 11:44 AM
2 moms liked this

My son is always like that after a visit with Grandma (my MIL).  I think part of it is most definitely that she spoils him (he eats whatever he wants (mostly junk) whenever he wants, doesn't have to follow the same "rules" that we have in place at home, etc).

That being said I really think some of it has to do with the fact that when he is with Gramma he gets her undivided attention.  She isn't busy cleaning the house, running errands, and other such things.  So when he is with her, she spends all of her time doing stuff with him.  When he is at home, I am busy with other things a lot of the time and my attention is divided between those tasks, him and his baby sister.  So he isn't getting all of me.  I think after a visit with Gramma he craves that one on one attention that he just doesn't get from me. 

It's gotten a little bit better since I made this correlation.  Now I try to spend more one on one time with him doing the things that he enjoys, especially after a visit with Gramma, and it seems to have helped. 

Wow2boyz
by Member on May. 8, 2014 at 6:42 PM
My in laws got the point where they were taking ours for a week at a time! This was when Jayden was 3 yo before school days. I missed him so much.. And he got spoiled like crazy.
polkaspots
by Member on May. 8, 2014 at 6:44 PM
My parents eat very differently than we do, so my kids refuse to eat veggies and want junk food when they come home from their house. It's annoying, but it's not that bad.
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WatchmansMoon
by on May. 8, 2014 at 6:55 PM

Would it help if you told them how hard it is to deal with your kids when they return home - and if they don't shape up their behavior, you'll have to stop letting them visit so often? Maybe that could bring on some reform?

ihave1
by Member on May. 8, 2014 at 11:40 PM

I dont b/c my mother is the only grandparent that my child has and she doesnt live anywhere close. 

IF she did my child would be like htat b/c my mom is more strict then me.

want10more
by Member on May. 9, 2014 at 4:00 AM

my mom isn't a problem.... (other than letting them eat straight outta the chocolate chip bag, a FELONY when i was growing up! LOL) but she sees them so often, that we're on the same page. we talk about stuff... like mom you said they couldn't get on the puter, so STICK W THAT! gma says no, then momma says NO. stuff like that. the other gma? sheesh. i hear your pain. she's not really interested in being involved to the point of helping raise or point the kids in the same way, she just wants to be the cooooool gma. so? they don't go there often. i think you are right in saying, hey, here's the rules. write it down if you really have to, but put YOUR family rules firmly in place. and then, liimit their time if need be. you're not being a bitch, honest. you're just setting boundaries for your kids. you're doing no wrong, even if they get pissy.

suetoo
by Member on May. 9, 2014 at 7:39 AM
2 moms liked this

I'm a gram. Your kids are old enough to understand the consequences of their behavior. I strongly recommend a family meeting. Tell your kids, clearly and in priority order the top 3 bad things you've identified as a problem after a gramma day. Tell kids they are in charge of their behavior at home. Clearly state what you need to improve. Write down the expectations. And also what the kids will do to behave better or....visits will be restricted. Ask them all for their suggestions. Post on refrigerator. Good luck. The grandparents and kids can work this out between them. Remind them you have parent power and aren't afraid to use it. Make family meetings fun, with a treat and don't forget to take notes.

schatzi869
by Member on May. 9, 2014 at 7:45 AM
I used to get pissed about my mom spoiling my son. Then she died, in January of 2013, of a seizure (at least the medical examiner thought that was what happened). I would let her spoil the shit out of him if I could have her back.
PeachQuean
by Member on May. 9, 2014 at 7:49 AM
My parents spoil the crap out of my kids on a daily basis. But my kids know better then to behave in an unruly manner when with me.

Grandparents may put up with it, but I.don't.

Just up your discipline and see where it takes you.
CandyMoon
by Member on May. 9, 2014 at 11:07 AM
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm very close to my mom and thank god every day that I still have her. (( Hugs ))

Quoting schatzi869: I used to get pissed about my mom spoiling my son. Then she died, in January of 2013, of a seizure (at least the medical examiner thought that was what happened). I would let her spoil the shit out of him if I could have her back.
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