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Should she live with mom or dad?

Posted by on Jun. 6, 2014 at 11:15 PM
  • 13 Replies

So my step daughter (4years old) has had a hard time adjusting. I met her when she was 2 years old and when i came into the picture the dad and mom had just got divorced a couple months prior. The arrangements were to be the daughter was with the dad in the day time and mom at night. It then turned into us always having her besides about 3 times a week. The mother got a job and we put it in writing that we would have her monday through friday and she would have her weekends. Then shortly after she started flaking and it would be every other weekend. It has been that way for a while and everytime my stepdaughter would come home she would kind of shut down and just be mad. I know she must feel so hurt because she loves her mom and misses her so i understand. I always did everything i could to console her as would her dad and eventually she would snap out of it. Shortly after we received full custody of my stepdaughhter and a couple weeks ago we had her mother watch her for a week because we had to drive my aunt to south carolina. I feel like everything has changed and im not sure what advice to give my husband, he keeps asking me for advice i have just never been in this siutuation and dont know what to say. It feels different because when my stepdaughter came home she was so withdrawn and sad. She wasnt talking much and her mom said she threw the biggest fit when she knew she was coming home. Its also different because now her mom wants to have her full time. That was never the case. So now he doesnt know if he should just allow it or continue to have his daughter full time. 

by on Jun. 6, 2014 at 11:15 PM
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Replies (1-10):
browneyes146
by on Jun. 7, 2014 at 1:34 AM

I think she should be with her mom nobody should not take a child away from the mom unless shes not taking care of her or abusing her

Momniscient
by Member on Jun. 7, 2014 at 1:38 AM
1 mom liked this
Go to
Court. Get a co in place and make mom follow it. If she does and is consistent to where she is trustworthy for her daughter then eventually allow
For 50/50
Jenn8604
by Bronze Member on Jun. 7, 2014 at 1:40 AM
Her dad for one reason. When is her mom going to flake out and skip out on spending time with your dsd again? She's already skipped out on her before.
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Scarpetta71
by Member on Jun. 7, 2014 at 3:09 AM

I personally feel she is better with her Dad. Perhaps sit down with mom and see if you can come to some agreement.

How far away does she live? Is it possible for SD to see her in the school week? 

Can she come over every Friday night through to Saturday evening? Or every other weekend?

You need to try get Mom to understand the arrangement needs to be consistent and simple.  I imagine your SD feels safe and wanted at your home, she probably doesnt feel that reasured at Moms and half the reason she is giving you a bad time and showing Mom that behaviour isnt because she wants to be with Mom and Not Dad but more because she is wanting Mom in the picture more and probably is liking hearing her Mom say she wants her.  

Basherte
by Bronze Member on Jun. 8, 2014 at 8:51 AM


Quoting Momniscient: Go to Court. Get a co in place and make mom follow it. If she does and is consistent to where she is trustworthy for her daughter then eventually allow For 50/50

I would do this^

JustJazzie90
by New Member on Jun. 12, 2014 at 1:34 PM

We have been to court and mom signed over full rights because she did not want to pay child support. We have set times but there is always something that comes up. For instance in the court order it says that for summer we would have her one week and the mom would have her the next week and it would continue like that. She did it for one week and said that we need to go back to every other weekend because she needs to find a job and a baby sitter. Its not so much we dont trust her its just with her other daughter brooklyn when she has her during school times or her dance class times she doesnt get her to her schools. Gracie has adhd and mild autism with a cognitive speech delay she goes to speech therapy 2-3 times a week  and psychology once a week. Gracie cannot miss those or she will fall behind. 

Quoting Momniscient: Go to Court. Get a co in place and make mom follow it. If she does and is consistent to where she is trustworthy for her daughter then eventually allow For 50/50


JustJazzie90
by New Member on Jun. 12, 2014 at 1:37 PM

We have come to an agrrement because the court made it so. she signed over her rights and it was written that she would have her every other weekend during school year and every other week for a week during summer. She was not able to do the summer because she said she needs to find a babysitter and a job. I totally agree with the last thing you said. Gracie definitely wants her mom more involved and i am 100% for that. I would never keep her daughter from her i just feel so bad because she just doesnt want to be so involved in her daughters life. Her main concern right now is moving to florida. She has two other kids one is in ohio and the dad has full custody and the other brooklyn is in arizona (same state as us) and dad also has full custody. 

Quoting Scarpetta71:

I personally feel she is better with her Dad. Perhaps sit down with mom and see if you can come to some agreement.

How far away does she live? Is it possible for SD to see her in the school week? 

Can she come over every Friday night through to Saturday evening? Or every other weekend?

You need to try get Mom to understand the arrangement needs to be consistent and simple.  I imagine your SD feels safe and wanted at your home, she probably doesnt feel that reasured at Moms and half the reason she is giving you a bad time and showing Mom that behaviour isnt because she wants to be with Mom and Not Dad but more because she is wanting Mom in the picture more and probably is liking hearing her Mom say she wants her.  


JustJazzie90
by New Member on Jun. 12, 2014 at 1:39 PM

Ive always felt like kids should be with there mom until i came across this curcumstance. The mother does not have nor want custody of her 3 children. I would never keep her daughter from her but after a lot of thinking i feel its best to have gracie full time like the court papers say and just try and force her mom to be more involved. 

Quoting browneyes146:

I think she should be with her mom nobody should not take a child away from the mom unless shes not taking care of her or abusing her


nuts4scouts
by Member on Jun. 12, 2014 at 2:19 PM
1 mom liked this

She signed over all parental rights for all 3 of her children!

Supposedly so she would not have to pay child support?

Now she wants your stepdaughter back? Why?  I would bet it was so SHE can ask for money from the girl's father.

There is a very obvious pattern here, and a good reason why the courts awarded full custody to all of the dads.

Do what is best for this girl. Keep her in a stable home - yours. Get her into a GOOD counselor. Do your best to see that her mother has opportunities to see her (I would suggest short visits that are supervised to start).

Remember, that you can not force someone to be a parent.

Again, get your stepdaughter into counseling with a GOOD child psychiatrist. 


la_bella_vita
by Silver Member on Jun. 12, 2014 at 3:28 PM

Wow, I'm really not sure : ( 

Good luck, OP!

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