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My husband just crushed my dreams, need advice please.

Posted by on Jun. 17, 2014 at 9:33 PM
  • 24 Replies
My husband and I were talking tonight about our future and her really hurt my feelings. I just truned 31 May 27th and have a 1 yr old and we are planning on having our 2nd in hopefully 2 yrs. i am very blessed to be able to be a stay at home mom and will until our youngest turns 4 and goes to preschool. So..Ill be 36 or 37 when I want to re enter the work force. In the past I have mainly waitressed. I have always had 2 jobs as I am high energy and love to keep busy.I worked in Medical offices for a total of 3 yrs and as a pharmacy Tech for 4., I dropped out of college to model so I dont have a degree.
Through our relationship I have always said I want to go back to school to become an Occupational Therapist.I even looked into the program ag a local college just 2 months ago. Tonight he said that me going back to school was pointless because by time I graduated I would be unemployable because of my age. I would be close to 40 as I would start classes early. He says noone would hire me at such an old age with no experience:( I just busted into tears. I have always looooved helping people, and loved when I was a Chiropractic Therapist. I have such a deep desire to have a career not just a job at a gas station or a department store.

So my question is....Is he right?? Do I have unrealistic expectations? Will I not be hired at 40 with no experience?? I have been hired at everye job I have been interviewed for, as I am articulate, sweet natured, and attractive. (Also, I look 25 lol) I believe I have reasonable expectations for myself but maybe I am living in a daydream:( Of course, I will look into this further. I would just like some opinions and/or stories from personal experience.
by on Jun. 17, 2014 at 9:33 PM
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by Member on Jun. 17, 2014 at 9:39 PM

I think it could be that way with every field really. I don't think he meant to crush you just maybe he didn't want you to be so upset if you had trouble when you finished school and had a hard time. People who do the hiring do look at age, health and experience to see who they think will fit there company best. He seems to just want you to aware of what you are going to be dealing with and not blind sided. 

by on Jun. 17, 2014 at 9:50 PM
That could be true. He just apologized.
by on Jun. 18, 2014 at 4:26 AM
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I'm not familiar how age affects jobs. That being said, no schooling is pointless. If we aren't learning all we can, then what are we doing? I'm 26 and am thinking of starting school this fall. It will take me 4+ Years to get my degree.
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by on Jun. 18, 2014 at 10:36 AM
I should have calmed down before I wrote this. I basicly felt like he was saying my life outside of the home was over:( I love being a stay at home mom but I truly miss adult interactions. I am sure IllI'll get more of that as my Children get oldolder, but I guess I thought we had an understanding I would go back to work one day and his words and tone of voice just hurt. I guess we just have some more conversations due in the future:)
by on Jun. 18, 2014 at 11:42 AM
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 I have an associates in occupational therapy. I don't work in that field. I would suggest an OT/R program over a COTA program, unless there is a high demand for COTAs in your area.

As for the age thing I don't think it would hold you back as far as finding a job. If you are a new graduate, you're a new graduate. My mom went through nursing school at 44 and had no problem finding a job. I was 23 when I went to college the oldest person in our graduating class was 53. When I was doing my field work there was another person finishing her OT degree she was in her 40's. Don't let age get in the way. Find something you're going to enjoy and go for it.

by Bronze Member on Jun. 18, 2014 at 12:13 PM

Like the post before me, I too have know a woman to go to nursing school, receive that degree and start her nursing career in her forties. And no, I don't think your dream is impossible. Could your husband have another motive and just want you to stay home or not be a "career woman". Maybe he thinks it will take away from him and the family. Just a thought. Anyway, don't worry about it now, enjoy your family life. Pursue what your heart tells you to do when it is time.

by on Jun. 18, 2014 at 6:38 PM
Well well I don't wanna get to harsh and most of these comments sounds like the devil let me tell you any woman that thinks they too old to do anything has low self esteem as long as god have you breathing,walking and you in good health then you can go to school.I wouldn't dare my husband to say anything to me like that at all.You can be anything you want at 40 years of age.When a man says that it just makes me think he just wants you tied down in that house with kids.This is a new day and time honey.You need to do what's best for you hell they got classes online.
by Member on Jun. 19, 2014 at 10:11 AM

I don't mean to be harsh either, but I guess it does depend on the field, but I am 40 and I cant find a good job and I KNOW it is age discrimination, BUT I can't prove it!!  I am good on paper (my resume), where my age isnt listed and companies call me and interview me and learn that I am an older woman and than say "sorry".  Companies don't want to waste time on training someone who might retire in 10 to 20 years when they can have a younger person come in and stay 50 years.  It has been especially hard to find a job because I was unemployed due to the recession.  So although I have LOTS of experience in a field, people think that I can't learn new things.  You WILL need experience.  Not be crush you but you might want to go back to waitressing for a little bit as a part time job or whatnot JUST to keep up your "work experience".  You might have a better chance because you will have just graduated with a degree.  Why dont you do online courses (to get easy stuff out of the way) to do while your kids are still babies and not wait to work on your degree until they start going to preschool?  Than you will be a couple of years younger!  LOL!  I've been reduced to working retail even tho I've got lots of experience in other fields.  Also, even tho you can't discriminate due to women being "mommies", your kids will still be young and companies won't want to work with you and your "schedule" of if your kids are sick or you have to attend events at your kids' school to take time off of work.  You will be at the bottom "rung" and have to work the bad hours, etc.  Just keep this all in mind.  Just cuz your kids will go to school, doesn't mean that won't need you less, they might actually need you more to help them with their school work and after school activities, etc.  I applaud you on being a SAHM.  It is not something i could stand to do.  I do not have the patience for it.  I know you want to be there for your kids as they are babies and not even born yet, but you might want to think about working on your degree now.      

by on Jun. 19, 2014 at 11:45 AM

 I don't work in that field, but have been working in the oil & gas industry since I was 17 years old (I'm 31 now). It really depends on the person doing the hiring in this industry. When it comes to operators and such, they *like* to hire younger people, fresh out of college with a Process Technician degree. However, I have seen people my parents' ages get hired for different positions (mainly office type positions). I'm sure it will vary with the company, person/people doing the hiring, etc. If I were you, I would research it before spending a lot of time & money toward a degree that you may not be able to really put to good use. On a different note, I'm sure your husband was probably trying to help you see the possible realities of your decision. Kind of a, that's great but let's weigh both sides of this, thing. :)

by on Jun. 19, 2014 at 11:55 AM
I think it depends on where you apply. Some also go off of life experiences. Like say I went to be an OT. I would probably be 35+ if I started now (I would be an OT not an assistant if I went, not saying I am going but hypothetically) But my son is autistic and by then I will have been doing OT stuff with him at home for 10+ years. I would have a better chance of being hired as I have experience with autistic kids (unless you just work thru a nursing home chances are more than likely you will have asd kids come thru the office)and I've done OT stuff at home with him for over a decade. But you having been a chiropractic therapist may give you a different plus like maybe you could get a job in a nursing home helping stroke patients. It just all depends. Best of luck.
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