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My daughter almost drowned tonight because a friend plays too rough. What would you do?

Posted by on Jul. 7, 2014 at 12:19 AM
  • 17 Replies

I feel like "almost drowned" might be a tad extreme but truly it only takes a little bit to really hurt someone. My DD has a friend she met in Kindergarten last year and her family invited us to a parade today, we went, had a great time. Her mom & dad just clicked with me & my hubby. We have the same personalities, it was a really great time. After the parade, we invited them to come over and swim. We have one of those blue pools with the blow up ring, my 3 yr old can stand in it and be ok with swimmies. So the kids were playing in the pool and having a great time, and the adults were 10 feet away sitting around a table with some pizza and some beers. My hubby and I hear "Stop. Stop. Stop! Stooop! STOP!! STOP!!! PLEASE! STOP!! STOP IT!!!" and we look and her friend is hanging on her back and I saw her take her and try to dunk her. She swallowed some water and was pretty upset by the whole ordeal. My hubby had to jump up and yell her friend's name a FEW times before she listened. Needless to say it got pretty awkward for a while after that. I didn't know what to say or do. This isn't the first time this has happened, well, this is the first time with THIS FRIEND, but other instances have occurred where my DD is upset by something her friend is doing, and she asks politely for them to stop, they won't, she gets a little more forceful with her pleas and they STILL won't stop. My girl is a VERY GOOD, WELL MANNERED little girl! Her heart is broken when someone she THINKS is a friend would not treat her with the same respect that she would give them. I mean I know they're only 6 but my girl really has a good mature understanding of what it means to hurt someone, and when the line is drawn, not to cross it, especially if you value that person's friendship in any way. 
I am just so sad, I don't know what to do or say, to help my girl through this. She's ok, they moved on and kept playing and had a great time, but that incident makes me feel like I should be teaching her how to defend herself better, but I don't know how. She's doing all the right things but her friends don't listen. :( My hubby wants to teach her to fight but I don't want him undoing the utterly sweet polite child I've raised. She truly makes the world a brighter place just by being in the room. I know I'm her mom, but truly. It just crushes me to see her trust in another friend broken like that. :( 
What would you do? 

by on Jul. 7, 2014 at 12:19 AM
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Replies (1-10):
momofnatalie
by Bronze Member on Jul. 7, 2014 at 2:27 AM
1 mom liked this

That would drive me insane to see that.  I think I would just talk to your daughter and acknowledge how she feels and explain to her that some kids her age may not make the best choices and that you admire her for kindness and caring towards others.  I think I would give her scenarios and practice using a firm tone, look them in the eyes and say "Stop it".  I think not using a lot of words is important because you want them to get your message.  Good luck!

melindabelcher
by Bronze Member on Jul. 7, 2014 at 7:52 AM
I would encourage her that in dangerous situations that she should be able to defend herself. Even if its just to push someone off.
Mznaye
by Member on Jul. 7, 2014 at 7:56 AM
This


Good luck


Quoting melindabelcher: I would encourage her that in dangerous situations that she should be able to defend herself. Even if its just to push someone off.
clairewait
by Bronze Member on Jul. 7, 2014 at 10:14 AM

I am learning to talk to my kids friends like I talk to my kids siblings (my own kids). I just have to click in my brain, "What if this was her sister doing this to her? What would I say/do?" 

So I set boundaries, with all the kids who play with mine, and treat them all like my kids. And honestly, it works. And the parents are all (for the most part) on board. This is likely due to the kind of people I spend time with though, because they do the same with my kids.

To me it is a matter of setting a standard for MY KIDS that my expectations for behavior are universal and we don't need to surround ourselves with people who do not respect the boundaries we have set for ourselves. If nothing else, I hope I'm teaching MY kids to set high standards for themselves and not to be afraid to demand respect from people.

Malayahsmom06
by Member on Jul. 7, 2014 at 12:46 PM

I'm sorry :( hopefully it goes better next time if there is a next time that the girl comes to play. It is so hard sometimes to teach your kid to defend themselves but still be a nice mannerable child.

ambergem
by on Jul. 7, 2014 at 1:37 PM

Ugh I wouldn't like that one bit.  Did her parents just let it continue when they saw that happening and not jump in to intervene?

whitleypittman
by Member on Jul. 7, 2014 at 1:45 PM
I would be talking with the other child's parents and find out if that's how the child plays or what. If this is a regular incident with the child when he/she plays with kids, I would be monitoring like a hawk when they're around.
CaptNumo9
by on Jul. 7, 2014 at 3:40 PM

I think that some kids are just not taught what respect is or what it looks like. Obviously, your daughter does. The question is what to do about it. I told my kids that when they got in this kind of a situation, they were free to come and hang by me. The were reluctant to "tattle" but felt the need to remove themselves, so this was our solution. To be honest, we did not hang around kids that were disrespectful to others. It was just not fun for my boys, respect is very high on our list for character traits. Here is an article that talks about what a true friend looks like: http://bit.ly/18OV6NP. I would encourage you to continue to be the wonderful mom you are, talk to your sweet daughter and help her to know when and how to walk away. Hugs mama!

EmilyH87
by New Member on Jul. 7, 2014 at 4:17 PM

Did the other kid's parents not do anything at all?

CafeMom Tickers
TehGothyMommbie
by on Jul. 7, 2014 at 7:30 PM
 Quoting clairewait:

I am learning to talk to my kids friends like I talk to my kids siblings (my own kids). I just have to click in my brain, "What if this was her sister doing this to her? What would I say/do?" 

So I set boundaries, with all the kids who play with mine, and treat them all like my kids. And honestly, it works. And the parents are all (for the most part) on board. This is likely due to the kind of people I spend time with though, because they do the same with my kids.

To me it is a matter of setting a standard for MY KIDS that my expectations for behavior are universal and we don't need to surround ourselves with people who do not respect the boundaries we have set for ourselves. If nothing else, I hope I'm teaching MY kids to set high standards for themselves and not to be afraid to demand respect from people.

definitely this!! i do this with my friends children and i tell all the kids what the rules of play are at my house and i expect them to be followed otherwise there will be a time out or a toy taken off of the rule breaker. The same applies for exsessive tattling. there is a huge age gap with the childrent that stomp through my house, the i try to help the older children know they are being listened to, but the younger children don't know better and they can help teach the little ones how to treat people by either getting an adult or telling the tiny one no and walking away.

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