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I have to make the decision to be OK with it before I can even mention it to DF

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My Mom wants to take DD (3.5) on a trip soon ... just DD. It's a 3+ hour drive (my Mom is an OK driver, but I can count on both hands the amount of accidents that she's been in for as long as I can remember) both ways ... she wants to leave on a Saturday afternoon and return on a Tuesday evening. My Mom is going to visit with her BF, whom I have never met, and his grandchildren. (They dated in HS and recently reconnected.) 

I dont know how to feel about it. I have never been away from DD for more than maybe 24 hours and she has been within 20 minutes drive time from me. She doesn't like knew people, she is very clingy when she's nervous/scared and my Mom can not physically pick her up. Did I mention the drive is 3+ hours both ways and she'll be gone nearly 3 days? 

When she was talking about it and asking, she wasn't asking if I woud mind, she was asking if DF would mind. I looked at her and I was like "Really, I'm suppose to automatically be fine with it? I'll think it over and then talk to him." I wasn't nasty or anything about it, just making a general comment. She doesn't know when it is that she'll be going, or she just left that part out. I don't know.

So I'm going to think about it tonight and talk to him about it tomorrow I guess and see what he says. 

Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers

by on Jul. 17, 2014 at 4:15 PM
Replies (21-30):
Garnet_Iris11
by Member on Jul. 20, 2014 at 9:37 AM
It's not happening. It's too long of a trip for me to be comfortable. He is suppose to come down next weekend to visit Mom.. but it would take more than that one weekend of meeting him for me to feel comfortable about him.

Quoting hugss:

Not sure I could do that ;(Let us know what you decide ;)

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by Gold Member on Jul. 20, 2014 at 9:38 AM

Sounds like you made a good decision :)

Quoting Garnet_Iris11: It's not happening. It's too long of a trip for me to be comfortable. He is suppose to come down next weekend to visit Mom.. but it would take more than that one weekend of meeting him for me to feel comfortable about him.
Quoting hugss:

Not sure I could do that ;(Let us know what you decide ;)


Garnet_Iris11
by Member on Jul. 20, 2014 at 9:44 AM
1 mom liked this
DD has spent time away from us for the better part of a weekend many times... but she was at my BMs house that is all of 20 minutes away. I took her on a few trips that were 3-4 days, she missed her Daddy. But I was there and I knew (nearly) everyone so she wasn't stressed.

I decided that she wont be going. Though it would be nice for DF and I to have that alone time, I can work extra hours.... I would be a ball of nerves calling my Mom constantly.


Quoting Jinxed8:

judging by the overall of what you wrote I am not sure I would be 100% comfortable if it were my DD. That being said.  It is important however, that DD can "survive" without you more than 24 hours, trust me in the long run you don't want a clingy baby / child.  (my DD is still mad at me for a 5 day trip to Vegas I took 3 years ago..; UGH !)

Garnet_Iris11
by Member on Jul. 20, 2014 at 9:49 AM
LOL No worries.

Moms BF is suppose to come down next weekend, but that's not enough time for myself or DD to be comfortable with him.

I'm sure if it came down to it, my Mom would be able to physically help her, but not without causing issues to herself; so it wouldn't be fair.And I know that Mom wouldn't let anything happen to DD, but things happen.


Quoting KREX0914:

My daughter has been going on vacations with my mom since she was 2. But I know some moms that would never allow that. I think it depends on your relationship with your parents.I missed the part about the strange man and your mom not being physically capable. I retract mt previous statement.

Garnet_Iris11
by Member on Jul. 20, 2014 at 9:53 AM
I haven't even said anything to DF.. I already know what he will say.. and it would be more intense than my answer. LOL I'm not letting my Mom take DD with her. Too many cons to the pros. Her BF is suppose to come down next weekend, but that's not enough time for myself, DF or DD to be really comfortable about him. (I like DD have issues with people I don't know)

Quoting egyptian_mommy: I wouldn't do it personally. You don't know this person, your dd doesn't do well with new people and your mother has limitations. I just wouldn't be comfortable with it if it was me in your place. But hopefully you and your SO can reach an agreement.
Garnet_Iris11
by Member on Jul. 20, 2014 at 10:00 AM
His grandchildren range in ages from 4 to their teens I believe and he has them over many times during the week. Which ok ya, he likes kids, but that doesn't tell me anything about him. He is suppose to come down next weekend to visit Mom, but that's not enough time for us to feel comfortable. I just have to many cons to the pros right now, if they maintain the relationship, maybe down the road when DD is older I will allow it.

Quoting SarahSuzyQ: I would not be comfortable sending my young child to stay overnight with someone who is a stranger to me, even if a grandparent was going to be there. I would have to at least meet the BF first. And how old are the grandchildren?

My son has been away for the weekend to his grandparents' house. I believe that time away and that independence is important for children. I also believe that children are really vulnerable when sleeping away from home, and I would want to be more comfortable with the environment and the people involved.

Just my two cents. You know what is right for your child one way or the other.
Garnet_Iris11
by Member on Jul. 20, 2014 at 10:07 AM
Yea, I know next to nothing about him. Mom doesn't tell me much because she knows how I feel, my Dad passes in '06 and it still affects me on a nearly daily basis (which I've been working on). She dated him in h.s. and lost contact, over the years they reconnected and lost touch, now they have reconnected and are in love. She has met with him while she was on business trips and they talk daily. He's suppose to come down next weekend.

But regardless.. I'm not comfortable so she won't be going, I haven't mentioned anything to DF.


Quoting bhow:

Whoa Whoa Whoa, I would say no in a heart beat.  

1.) You have not a clue about this person

2.) How much does your mother know about them?

3.) It's your child, you have the responsibility of protecting her.

I'm sorry but that's how I would be if I were hesitant ... as you are.

NYGiantsFan
by New Member on Jul. 20, 2014 at 9:47 PM

I'd say absolutely not. I think what would really bother me (since my daughter is the same way) is that if your DD is clingy, gets nervous/scared with new people, and your Mom is unable to pick her up, she won't be adequately comforted if she gets upset. It would break my heart (especially with DD being so far away). If your Mom wants to take your daughter on a long trip, I would suggest to her that they should try with something a bit closer first. Maybe have her take your daughter to the zoo for a day and see how things are when they return.

SarahSuzyQ
by Bronze Member on Jul. 20, 2014 at 9:56 PM
Just because he has kids over often doesn't mean you should feel safe sending your daughter overnight. I think you're being wise to be cautious.

Quoting Garnet_Iris11: His grandchildren range in ages from 4 to their teens I believe and he has them over many times during the week. Which ok ya, he likes kids, but that doesn't tell me anything about him. He is suppose to come down next weekend to visit Mom, but that's not enough time for us to feel comfortable. I just have to many cons to the pros right now, if they maintain the relationship, maybe down the road when DD is older I will allow it.

Quoting SarahSuzyQ: I would not be comfortable sending my young child to stay overnight with someone who is a stranger to me, even if a grandparent was going to be there. I would have to at least meet the BF first. And how old are the grandchildren?

My son has been away for the weekend to his grandparents' house. I believe that time away and that independence is important for children. I also believe that children are really vulnerable when sleeping away from home, and I would want to be more comfortable with the environment and the people involved.

Just my two cents. You know what is right for your child one way or the other.
Garnet_Iris11
by Member on Jul. 21, 2014 at 4:09 PM

The topic finally came up today - she asked if I would be willing to meet him when he came this weekend, I  told her that I would. I also told her that I just wasn't comfortable with DD going right now. She understood but obviously looked a bit peeved about it. 

Quoting NYGiantsFan:

I'd say absolutely not. I think what would really bother me (since my daughter is the same way) is that if your DD is clingy, gets nervous/scared with new people, and your Mom is unable to pick her up, she won't be adequately comforted if she gets upset. It would break my heart (especially with DD being so far away). If your Mom wants to take your daughter on a long trip, I would suggest to her that they should try with something a bit closer first. Maybe have her take your daughter to the zoo for a day and see how things are when they return.


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