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I have to make the decision to be OK with it before I can even mention it to DF

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My Mom wants to take DD (3.5) on a trip soon ... just DD. It's a 3+ hour drive (my Mom is an OK driver, but I can count on both hands the amount of accidents that she's been in for as long as I can remember) both ways ... she wants to leave on a Saturday afternoon and return on a Tuesday evening. My Mom is going to visit with her BF, whom I have never met, and his grandchildren. (They dated in HS and recently reconnected.) 

I dont know how to feel about it. I have never been away from DD for more than maybe 24 hours and she has been within 20 minutes drive time from me. She doesn't like knew people, she is very clingy when she's nervous/scared and my Mom can not physically pick her up. Did I mention the drive is 3+ hours both ways and she'll be gone nearly 3 days? 

When she was talking about it and asking, she wasn't asking if I woud mind, she was asking if DF would mind. I looked at her and I was like "Really, I'm suppose to automatically be fine with it? I'll think it over and then talk to him." I wasn't nasty or anything about it, just making a general comment. She doesn't know when it is that she'll be going, or she just left that part out. I don't know.

So I'm going to think about it tonight and talk to him about it tomorrow I guess and see what he says. 

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by on Jul. 17, 2014 at 4:15 PM
Replies (31-35):
by Bronze Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 9:48 AM

Good.  I was truly hoping you wouldn't let her go.

Quoting Garnet_Iris11: Yea, I know next to nothing about him. Mom doesn't tell me much because she knows how I feel, my Dad passes in '06 and it still affects me on a nearly daily basis (which I've been working on). She dated him in h.s. and lost contact, over the years they reconnected and lost touch, now they have reconnected and are in love. She has met with him while she was on business trips and they talk daily. He's suppose to come down next weekend. But regardless.. I'm not comfortable so she won't be going, I haven't mentioned anything to DF.
Quoting bhow:

Whoa Whoa Whoa, I would say no in a heart beat.  

1.) You have not a clue about this person

2.) How much does your mother know about them?

3.) It's your child, you have the responsibility of protecting her.

I'm sorry but that's how I would be if I were hesitant ... as you are.


by on Jul. 24, 2014 at 6:20 AM
I'm glad your mom was ok with your decision. Maybe another time :)
by on Jul. 24, 2014 at 6:38 AM

I'm a pretty free and easy parent and I would not be happy about this trip. Here's why:

  • I wasn't actually asked my opinion about it (i.e. your mother thinks she has every right as a grandparent - red flag)
  • A 3-hour trip is hard on a child and yours is only 3. TWO 3-hour trips in 3 days is a lot for such a short time
  • You have never met the man she is dating - this alone would make me refuse (when we're dating we can be blind to a lot of stuff ...)
  • You're not comfortable with the whole idea so don't do it

Frankly, my daughter would not be going anywhere until I had met and felt comfortable (and that might take a few meetings) with him. You have no idea how he will behave around her nor how she will feel about him. Imagine that, at her age, she is far away from her mother and among total strangers (supposing your mother was busy with her bf, who would your daughter be able to turn to?) - how stressful would that be for her? 

My vote says, play the common sense card and keep her at home. Your mother doesn't need to show her granddaughter off to a man that she has only just reconnected with. If it turns out to be a lasting relationship she'll have all the time in the world to let him meet her. If it doesn't turn out to be a lasting relationship the it's no loss that she doesn't meet him.

Your mother knew him in high school and only recently started seeng him again. How many years is that? Do you have any idea how much people change such a long time?

by on Jul. 24, 2014 at 6:41 AM

Quoting momofnatalie:

I think if DD is clingy, she would probably have a rough time for her.  My DD is similar and I think when they are older, she might do better.  If you feel uncomfortable about it, don't do it.  You will be worried about her the entire time. 

by on Jul. 24, 2014 at 6:43 AM

I'm glad you told her straight. It makes things so much easier for everyone (because it defines boundaries) than beating about the bush.

Good for you!

Quoting Garnet_Iris11:

The topic finally came up today - she asked if I would be willing to meet him when he came this weekend, I  told her that I would. I also told her that I just wasn't comfortable with DD going right now. She understood but obviously looked a bit peeved about it. 

Quoting NYGiantsFan:

I'd say absolutely not. I think what would really bother me (since my daughter is the same way) is that if your DD is clingy, gets nervous/scared with new people, and your Mom is unable to pick her up, she won't be adequately comforted if she gets upset. It would break my heart (especially with DD being so far away). If your Mom wants to take your daughter on a long trip, I would suggest to her that they should try with something a bit closer first. Maybe have her take your daughter to the zoo for a day and see how things are when they return.

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