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Do You Have Enough Sex?

Posted by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 8:49 AM
  • 16 Replies

Husband Makes Spreadsheet of Wife's Worst Excuses for Saying 'No' to Sex

by Sasha Brown-Worsham

married sex A Reddit user's post has gone viral this week after she revealed the Excel spreadsheet her husband sent her when she left for a business trip. In it, he details the entire month of June into July and the myriad excuses she gave him for not wanting sex. Assuming this is real and not some Internet hoax, it's pretty shocking. And it's also hilariously astute.

She used the typical reasons for turning down sex -- I'm tired, I have to be up early, etc. But she also had some inventive ones -- I'm still sore from last night's sex (REALLY?!), I feel "gross," and I'm watching TV (a Friends rerun).

People are divided over whether the husband's spreadsheet documenting her sex excuses is manipulative and crass and whether the wife is ruining her marriage with her frequent denial of sex. Any married person will tell you: We don't OWE our spouses sex, but we also kind of DO. Sorry. It's the truth. And it's not just me saying that. Experts agree.

Dr. Tina Tessina, a psychotherapist and the author of Money, Sex, and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage, says women need to find a way to satisfy their husbands ... or else.

"Women are way too naive about sex," says Tessina, who is known as "Dr. Romance." "How about finding ways to say 'yes' to the guy you love and only turning sex down when it's really necessary? 'I have a headache' is a Victorian concept and doesn't work."

It's the truth. Here's the spreadsheet that poor man was reduced to making:

sex spreadsheet

The problem, as I see it, is this: Women often view sex as a chore. Believe me, I get it. I have three kids, and after a long day of working, dealing with them, walking our dog, and trying to squeeze in five minutes of "me" time, the LAST thing I want to do sometimes is satisfy my husband's needs. But what about OUR needs? Sex is fun for women, too. We always seem to forget that.

"Women can get themselves in the mood, and they need to learn how," Tessina says. "If wives want to stay married, they need to learn to say yes. If a woman turns her man down over and over, she shouldn't be surprised when he leaves or cheats."

Her advice might be hard to hear, but it's worth following. Competing sex drives can cause marriages to break up. Half the time it seems the problem is not drive so much as level of desire. Women need to find ways to get into the mood. So how do we do that?

It's simple: We think about sex. We make it a priority. This is something men do easily for some reason, but women need to learn to do it, too. Have that fantasy while you are driving the car pool. Think about Bradley Cooper naked on top of you and enjoy it. Remember a particularly hot sexual encounter and roll it in your head while you prepare dinner. If you make sex a part of your thoughts, it will carry over into your actions.

Of course, it's not ALL up to the women. "Men need to learn how to motivate women to have sex, not just demand it," Tessina says. A man who expects a quickie with little work on his part needs to understand that it's different for women. We need some revving.

Ultimately, a marriage will be a lot better when both spouses find a way to get excited about sex together and make it part of their regular routine.

"Sex is an important part of marriage," says Tessina. "If you're not having sex, you're not married -- you're just roommates."

Do you have enough sex? How do you get yourself into the mood?

by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 8:49 AM
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Replies (1-10):
clairewait
by Bronze Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 9:53 AM
1 mom liked this

In the last 3 years I discovered that the majority of my libido loss in marriage was directly due to birth control.

I'm sorry.

I think it is singly the most unhealthy thing women are doing to themselves.

Getting off birth control and really figuring out my natural cycle, then working to naturally balance my hormones brought my HS libido back and now our sex life is great.

I wish more women were better informed of how their hormones are controlling almost everything.

mommyflaw
by on Jul. 23, 2014 at 11:51 AM

There are times I want it a lot and times I dont want him near me. If I'm going through a long spell where I don't want it we find other things to do for intimacy on his side. Compromise.

WILDCATGAL78
by Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 1:55 PM

We have lots of sex. My husband gets me in the mood if I am not already.

Dzyre1115
by Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 3:20 PM
There is never enough, but we certainly have plenty of sex. I have never turned my husband down for sex, so this woman's list of excuses, baffles me
Jenn8604
by Bronze Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 3:24 PM
What kind of dumbass man doesn't offer to shower with his wife to get the mood going?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
LaughsAlot
by Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 3:57 PM

Mobile Photo

I used to LOVE/ENJOY sex,but in the past few years, my sex drive is not what it used to be :'( I have found out in the past year that I have Rhuemetoid Arthritis, Sjogrens Syndrome, Lupus, Coronary Artery Disease. And due to my RA, my torn meniscus in my left knee is not repairable, I need total knee replacement surgery. I have been in menopause since I was 38, started full blown menopausal symptoms a lil over a year ago. I'm 52,53 in November!!! I have even told my husband to divorce me and get him some one healthy! He gave me a kiss and told me "in sickness and health" remember♡
SlightlyPerfect
by Bronze Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 6:39 PM
Same!

Quoting Dzyre1115: There is never enough, but we certainly have plenty of sex. I have never turned my husband down for sex, so this woman's list of excuses, baffles me
auntangelofsix
by Angel on Jul. 23, 2014 at 7:08 PM
Me too.

Quoting SlightlyPerfect: Same!

Quoting Dzyre1115: There is never enough, but we certainly have plenty of sex. I have never turned my husband down for sex, so this woman's list of excuses, baffles me
waytomanykids10
by Bronze Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 7:14 PM
We definitely do not get enough. My 17 month old can't be left alone so trying to find someone to leave him with so we can go do the deed is not an easy task.
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clairewait
by Bronze Member on Jul. 23, 2014 at 8:43 PM


Quoting waytomanykids10: We definitely do not get enough. My 17 month old can't be left alone so trying to find someone to leave him with so we can go do the deed is not an easy task.

He doesn't sleep?

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