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I learned the hard way why it's important to set limits with friends but had help

Posted by on Jul. 25, 2014 at 12:59 PM
  • 4 Replies

After the birth of my first child, I would feel extremely guilty but torn at the same time if I dared refuse what I thought was a good intention of someone just dropping by--completely unannounced. My gut told me this was invading my mommy bonding time with my son, but I had a tendency to give others the benefit of doubt--and they just meant well. So I convinced myself the problem was with me.

Oh how wrong I've come to learn over the years, this was such wrong thinking. You have friends that may mean well, but take it from an experienced mom, you have to set boundaries early on following the birth of your baby. Same principle applies to your parenting or as my husband and I learned the hard way, your child will walk all over both of you before you realize what happened.

And no, I'm not talking about spanking or hitting a child either, but teaching time out and limits early on, (which is actually safety, for their own good so they don't burn themselves or leave the yard without permission and get kidnapped, politeness to others etc. ---is teaching your quickly growing baby/toddler a gift of life skills and when their older they will feel freedom to come to you to discuss things to help them , like being bullied at school, etc and eventually become a responsible, good decision making adult.  

We also connected with our schools "Parents as Teachers" program--(yeah I know our first was only still a baby) but  I quickly learned to adore the mom/teacher that came to my home each month. She came each month until 3 yrs of age and even helped me find trusted play groups, as well as free resources for new moms. She didn't care if there were dirty dishes and piled up clean unfolded laundry, her only passion was me and my baby--doing screenings to make sure he was not way behind in skills appropriate for his age--and he was in certain areas I would have never noticed. This kept him from being delayed when he entered Kindergarten. She did this and taught my husband and I  through simple play. Sure I was initially terrified if we both didn't measure up to "the proper standards expected" that child services would get called---not true at all. She was someone I could talk to about anything and the very person that taught me why I should set boundaries about friends just dropping in without calling first.  Mom's can also find this same support with an older more experienced mom--helps if they are a school teacher. Needs to be someone besides your own mother that can be objective and that you're comfortable with. Look at good luck mothers in your church also.

by on Jul. 25, 2014 at 12:59 PM
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by Bronze Member on Jul. 26, 2014 at 8:42 AM
I've heard great things about Parents as Teachers from friends who have it in their area... We do not. But I'm glad you've been able to connect with a number of supports as you raise your LO. How old is your son now?
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by on Jul. 27, 2014 at 11:19 AM

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by Bronze Member on Aug. 1, 2014 at 11:23 AM
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by Silver Member on Aug. 1, 2014 at 11:38 AM

We don't have anything like that in our area that I know of. I have meet some really nice people over the years through other places who have been friends who will offer advice when I needed it or just support

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