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Am I being unreasonable?

Posted by on Jul. 30, 2014 at 4:54 PM
  • 13 Replies

Recently, my FIL has had severe health issues. My fiance, son, and I live with him and the rest of SO's family. SO works a part-time job since he is 19 and college starts back soon. He has applied to several full time positions in different areas and is trying find a job through a temp agency. Instead of waiting for news, he wants to get another part-time job. I don't like this idea as it is basically him working a full-time job with no benefits which is what he wants. He is stressed about work because his hours aren't steady and we need money. I just want him to try and wait a week or two to see if he hears something but of course he isn't. Instead, he points out that I don't earn any money. He doesn't want me to work though, and I raise our son most of the time by myself since he sometimes wants to do his own thing. I don't ask for any money and only use money to get our son milk when he needs it. SO uses most of the money he earns. I'm tired of him complaining I don't work when he and everyone else told me my job is to raise our son and go to school. So am I being unreasonable about that being thrown in my face once again? Is it unreasonable to see if he hears from one of these other places before taking on a second part-time job?

Please no bashing. I realize others have bigger problems, but we are trying to make ourselves better and get through college. We are doing everything we can for our son and so that we can have our own home someday. We don't mooch and help out doing what we can. 

by on Jul. 30, 2014 at 4:54 PM
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Replies (1-10):
momofnatalie
by Bronze Member on Jul. 30, 2014 at 5:56 PM

I think you have the right to say how it hurts you to hear that you aren't working.  I went through that with my DH after our first baby.  I told him that if I could I would work but who would watch her?  He stopped throwing that in my face. 

Job wise, my advice is that you can share your opinion only when he is ready to listen to your view.  Wait until he is in a good mood and then talk to him.  I know if I keep bringing the same topics ups he gets tired and shuts down immediately.  If he is desperate for income, he could always work until he hears back from a full time spot and then take it.  It is not ideal but sometimes its hard when he feels the pressure of providing. 

my.sonshine
by Member on Jul. 30, 2014 at 5:58 PM
so tell him exactly what you told us.
Tiff22Faith
by Member on Jul. 30, 2014 at 6:03 PM
1 mom liked this

I understand my SO's point of view and have told him I wouldn't mind working but we couldn't afford to pay someone to watch our son. There is just no way to have someone watch him so we both could work even if only both part-time. I think for the moment, I will go with whatever he decides as we are both in college, so he isn't looking for a profession just now but rather when we graduate is when he will go into his chosen profession.

Quoting momofnatalie:

I think you have the right to say how it hurts you to hear that you aren't working.  I went through that with my DH after our first baby.  I told him that if I could I would work but who would watch her?  He stopped throwing that in my face. 

Job wise, my advice is that you can share your opinion only when he is ready to listen to your view.  Wait until he is in a good mood and then talk to him.  I know if I keep bringing the same topics ups he gets tired and shuts down immediately.  If he is desperate for income, he could always work until he hears back from a full time spot and then take it.  It is not ideal but sometimes its hard when he feels the pressure of providing. 


Tiff22Faith
by Member on Jul. 30, 2014 at 6:08 PM

I have. The problem is that I get annoyed with him for not actually listening to what I am saying. He says I get an attitude with him though I try to remain calm, but it is hard when I feel like he isn't taking me seriously.

Quoting my.sonshine: so tell him exactly what you told us.


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by Silver Member on Jul. 31, 2014 at 12:04 AM
1 mom liked this

If he feels the need to get another job let him,
If he hears back from elsewhere let him figure it out .. he is an adult right?
Hugs to you :)

TristanMitchael
by Member on Jul. 31, 2014 at 11:27 AM
I agree with hugss. You got to do what works for y'all though. Good luck!
Jinxed8
by Silver Member on Jul. 31, 2014 at 2:32 PM

if he doesn't want you towork then he should bitch about you not working.  If he wants to take 2 x part time jobs maybe it's not a bad thing until a full time position comes calling. 

SarahSuzyQ
by Bronze Member on Jul. 31, 2014 at 9:19 PM

I think you should have an honest talk with him about how it makes you feel when he speaks that way about you not working... Maybe bring it up when you aren't worrying/talking about other issues, so you will be calm and he'll hopefully hear your concerns.

SweetLuci
by Bronze Member on Aug. 1, 2014 at 6:40 PM

 You can tell him how you feel, but it seems like he's trying to take another part time job to bring in more money, which would solve some of your problems. It sounds like he is very frustrated. My opinion has always been to take the job that is available and if something better comes along, take that. But there's no guarantee that the hoped for job will come along, so it would be better to support him in taking the part time job now. If you are living with other family members, could one of them help watch your child while you work? I think you would feel better if you were working, even if only part time. Maybe you could work on his days off and he could watch the child then.

When Dh and I had small children, we had no family nearby to help, so it was necessary that we both worked in order to pay for our rent, utilities, food , car etc. We both worked full time, opposite shifts, so that while one worked, the other did child care. Then when we had saved some money, I went back to college, while continuing to work full time. No it wasn't easy, and it wasn't what we expected our life would be like,  but it's what was necessary at the time for our family to be successful. Many people do this or similar things.

Tiff22Faith
by Member on Aug. 1, 2014 at 7:37 PM

I decided to support him whether he does two part-time jobs or a full-time. He had two interviews today; one was for a part-time position while the other is a full-time job. We will hear something in a few days. I'm just worried he will burn himself out between school, work, and home if he has two part-time jobs each with their own sets of rules and stress.

Quoting SweetLuci:

 You can tell him how you feel, but it seems like he's trying to take another part time job to bring in more money, which would solve some of your problems. It sounds like he is very frustrated. My opinion has always been to take the job that is available and if something better comes along, take that. But there's no guarantee that the hoped for job will come along, so it would be better to support him in taking the part time job now. If you are living with other family members, could one of them help watch your child while you work? I think you would feel better if you were working, even if only part time. Maybe you could work on his days off and he could watch the child then.

When Dh and I had small children, we had no family nearby to help, so it was necessary that we both worked in order to pay for our rent, utilities, food , car etc. We both worked full time, opposite shifts, so that while one worked, the other did child care. Then when we had saved some money, I went back to college, while continuing to work full time. No it wasn't easy, and it wasn't what we expected our life would be like,  but it's what was necessary at the time for our family to be successful. Many people do this or similar things.


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