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Sometimes I feel like an unnatural mom

Posted by on Aug. 16, 2014 at 10:35 AM
  • 40 Replies

I don't fall into the typical mom roles.  I'm not the best cook, can't do my daughter's hair very well nor cannot seem to be the best at managing all the domestic tasks.  The laundry is backed up and can't get to all those should be doing deep cleaning tasks (window washing, cleaning out the freezer etc.)  It's tough because DH complains that I am not the best housewife.  When he met me, I was working and enjoying my career.  I was able to keep my apartment clean because it was just me and I had the weekends free to do what I needed to do.  Now it's all about the kids and being present for them.  I don't have much free time unless its the end of the night when they are in bed.  I love them with all my heart but sometimes feel that I am not at my best.  Do you ever feel this way?

by on Aug. 16, 2014 at 10:35 AM
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Replies (1-10):
othermom
by Silver Member on Aug. 16, 2014 at 11:34 AM

I do sometimes. You just got to figure out a way to make it all work for you and your family. No one is perfect. i am not good at deap cleaning, but I try to keep most things up. it doesn't help that my husband barely helps, but the kids are old enough to help some

clairewait
by Bronze Member on Aug. 16, 2014 at 12:14 PM
2 moms liked this

I've never really considered it.

Who are you comparing yourself to?

I guess I just focus on what I'm good at and do what I do best. I know I'm not like a lot of other stay at home moms, but it doesn't bother me and I rarely notice it. If there is an area of my life that I'm feeling unsuccessful in I work on it and get better. But this is always a personal motivation.

I'm more driven by competition with myself than competition with others.

Tracys2
by on Aug. 16, 2014 at 1:16 PM

I feel like that all the time, but I never thought I'd be good at this stuff, and I'm not sure why people thought I would be. There is not much in the way of spreadsheets, data analysis, or anything else I'm great at involved in day-to-day housewifery. Who knew?

The trick is probably going to be spreading out the work that everyone hates and isn't good at, among all the people in the house equally, or getting a great job that allows for the hiring of a maid. There is no need for one person to shoulder it all, and most of it probably isn't very important, anyway, compared to what you are good at- giving thoughtful advice, keeping people working harmoniously together, making money, couponing, managing the social aspects of family life, coming up with fun things to do, etc. Whatever you're good at, it's proably more important than washing windows.


happynewyorker
by Member on Aug. 16, 2014 at 2:00 PM
1 mom liked this

uuummm...... first of all your not married to a house!! If my husband said that, he's bee looking for a maid because I'd take the day off.  

You're a woman, mother, wife, friend, and what ever else you want to add to this list.

We all deal with a slumb. depressed. don't have the will power yet. I know that happens to me, it comes and goes. Things will always be here, no matter what.  You have to make a list and do what needs to be done first. When I'm in that slump I do little things and then work from that list.

with regard to being the best cook, if you can cook eggs your fine. Get a crock pot and search online for great websites on meals.  As it cookes you can take your time to clean.

When i had my daughter (she's now 10). But when she was a young child. I had to push myself to do anything. I was always tired. I had to work come home, cook, clean, and do the other responsibilities as a mom, wife and person.

Don't make the list big, but small and when you get done with that, you can add things that are important.

Darling husband lives in this house also, he should be helping out. the only king of his castle are those old time shows like the Honeymooners or the flintstones.

If your children are old like 6 or 7 they should be able to help out. Making it fun for them.

You have to figure out the time, and work with it. My friend found a website where you do a little cleaning every day and the weekend was free to do what you pleased.

You'll find your way.

 

momofnatalie
by Bronze Member on Aug. 16, 2014 at 5:36 PM
I second that with DH not helping out much. It gets tiring. I have a 4 yr old and she can do little jobs. My 20 month old is not much help. Hopefully when she stops getting into everything it will get easier.

Quoting othermom:

I do sometimes. You just got to figure out a way to make it all work for you and your family. No one is perfect. i am not good at deap cleaning, but I try to keep most things up. it doesn't help that my husband barely helps, but the kids are old enough to help some

momofnatalie
by Bronze Member on Aug. 16, 2014 at 5:40 PM
Right now I do 95 percent. Dh doesn't do much. I do all the baby related care plus managing the 4 yr old. If he is in the mood he will fix things around the house. All cleaning, shopping, laundry and dusting falls on me. Dh does cook twice a week and that is his contribution.

Quoting Tracys2:

I feel like that all the time, but I never thought I'd be good at this stuff, and I'm not sure why people thought I would be. There is not much in the way of spreadsheets, data analysis, or anything else I'm great at involved in day-to-day housewifery. Who knew?

The trick is probably going to be spreading out the work that everyone hates and isn't good at, among all the people in the house equally, or getting a great job that allows for the hiring of a maid. There is no need for one person to shoulder it all, and most of it probably isn't very important, anyway, compared to what you are good at- giving thoughtful advice, keeping people working harmoniously together, making money, couponing, managing the social aspects of family life, coming up with fun things to do, etc. Whatever you're good at, it's proably more important than washing windows.

SlightlyPerfect
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Kids are raving nowadays?
Yesterday at 2:31 PM
by Member on Aug. 16, 2014 at 5:42 PM
1 mom liked this
Don't focus on perfection. It's not a quantifiable concept, and it's by definition not attainable. Focus instead on optimization.
4girlsmum
by on Aug. 16, 2014 at 5:43 PM

They dont say it's the hardest job in the world for nothin!  You are a natural mom, you are the one and only mother of those kids, and no mother is perfect.

4girlsmum
by on Aug. 16, 2014 at 5:46 PM

My hubby has one job in the house, play with kids....it would be so weird to have him cook, not that I would mind........of course I would probably be to much of a critic.......

Quoting momofnatalie: Right now I do 95 percent. Dh doesn't do much. I do all the baby related care plus managing the 4 yr old. If he is in the mood he will fix things around the house. All cleaning, shopping, laundry and dusting falls on me. Dh does cook twice a week and that is his contribution.
Quoting Tracys2:

I feel like that all the time, but I never thought I'd be good at this stuff, and I'm not sure why people thought I would be. There is not much in the way of spreadsheets, data analysis, or anything else I'm great at involved in day-to-day housewifery. Who knew?

The trick is probably going to be spreading out the work that everyone hates and isn't good at, among all the people in the house equally, or getting a great job that allows for the hiring of a maid. There is no need for one person to shoulder it all, and most of it probably isn't very important, anyway, compared to what you are good at- giving thoughtful advice, keeping people working harmoniously together, making money, couponing, managing the social aspects of family life, coming up with fun things to do, etc. Whatever you're good at, it's proably more important than washing windows.



momofnatalie
by Bronze Member on Aug. 16, 2014 at 6:38 PM
Right now I do 95 percent. Dh doesn't do much. I do all the baby related care plus managing the 4 yr old. If he is in the mood he will fix things around the house. All cleaning, shopping, laundry and dusting falls on me. Dh does cook twice a week and that is his contribution.

Quoting Tracys2:

I feel like that all the time, but I never thought I'd be good at this stuff, and I'm not sure why people thought I would be. There is not much in the way of spreadsheets, data analysis, or anything else I'm great at involved in day-to-day housewifery. Who knew?

The trick is probably going to be spreading out the work that everyone hates and isn't good at, among all the people in the house equally, or getting a great job that allows for the hiring of a maid. There is no need for one person to shoulder it all, and most of it probably isn't very important, anyway, compared to what you are good at- giving thoughtful advice, keeping people working harmoniously together, making money, couponing, managing the social aspects of family life, coming up with fun things to do, etc. Whatever you're good at, it's proably more important than washing windows.

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