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Need advice about my daughter friendship

Posted by on Dec. 31, 2014 at 10:05 AM
  • 9 Replies

Hi Everyone,

i am having a hard time with my daughter who is 11 years old and in 6th grade first year of middle school.  This is complex so I will try to be as clear as possible.  We moved to this new town (better school district and area) 2 years ago beginning of 4 th grade.  That whole year my daughter basically was treated like an outsider.  She had few friends and never had after school or weekend play date invites the whole year.  Girls would talk to her in class but that was it.  If she would make a new friend someone would steal the friend from her. She used to come home in tears. Fifth grade was better and she became friends with the"friend stealer", who's name we will call Jen. They actually became best friends and we realized that Jen was that way because she has a twin sister who could do no wrong in their moms eye. So we gave her a chance and felt bad for her  but ends up being a great kid who feels inferior to her sister and her mom is basically the cause.

Heres the problem right now: Jen's twin sister is the queen bee at school. We will call her Becca. She also was friends with my daughter in the summer but as soon as school started, she ignores my daughter because she's not popular enough.   So my daughter called her out on it through Instagram.  She told her how she WAS her good friend but now she's not for no good reason and she pointed that was not nice and hurtful. The twin sis told her mom and I ended up having a talk on the phone with her about it.  Her mom basically told me that her daughter never had a problem with anyone until my daughter! (So untrue) and now she will not let Jen hang out with my daughter anymore.  The twin sis had also said hurtful things on Instagram to my son, ( I screenshot it for proof) and I mentioned that to the mom but I got no apologies at all for anything, just her cutting my Em out of her best friends life and all because of her manipulative and narcissistic other daughter.  

One last thing: Jens dad still loves Em and wants my Em and Jen to remain friends (their mom and dad are not together never were married and don't like each other) so when Jen spends the day or a weekend with her dad, that is the only time the girls can hang together outside of school. The twin sis, Becca, does not like her dad right now so she hadn't visited him for a while.  I think this whole thing is so unhealthy and I feel bad for my daughter and her friend. I think the whole thing is so unfair.  Any advice from anyone here on what we should do? 

by on Dec. 31, 2014 at 10:05 AM
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Replies (1-9):
invisibleme
by Member on Dec. 31, 2014 at 10:14 AM
1 mom liked this

Not trying to be mean. Teach your DD to handle her problems directly with others not through Social Media. I hate that the situation is what it is but at least her dad is allowing them to spend time together.

Cafe MichelleP
by Platinum Member on Dec. 31, 2014 at 8:12 PM

That is a tough situation and unfortunately one all to common in middle school. This is a good time for your daughter to learn about conflict resolution. I know as a mom it is hard for us to sit back and let them handle things on their own, but if we do everything for them, they will never grow. Let her handle it. Just be an attentive ear but most of all her support system.

3gurlz1boy
by Member on Dec. 31, 2014 at 11:59 PM

Social media is so unhealthy for kids in my opinion. It isn't an outlet to confront anyone. Nothing gets solved. It is so bad for kids socially. Maybe your daughter could talk to the mom of her friend and apologize for the way she handled it.

Sunsetbeaches69
by on Jan. 1, 2015 at 12:43 AM
Yeah u should let them work it out....
momofnatalie
by Silver Member on Jan. 1, 2015 at 1:18 AM
1 mom liked this

It's a hard situation, especially for your daughter.  There isn't much you can do but to support your daughter and explain to her that there are times when relationships can get super complicated and if she and Jen are friends that is what she needs to focus on.  I don't think you can resolve the issue with Becca since she was called out on social media, and she was embarassed and if she is the Queen Bee, she doesn't want anyone to knock her off her throne.  I'm sure she said things about your son because she wants to hurt Em and her family.  There is nothing you can do about it if her mom doesn't seem concerned about it  I think you being there for Em and being a sounding board for her is the best thing you can do.  It's great that she can come and talk to you. 

Elle.tea.22
by Member on Jan. 1, 2015 at 9:45 PM

Your daughter needs to know she isn't a $20 bill for everyone to be fond of her. Find friends outside of school and screw the rest.

Serenity7
by Linda on Jan. 2, 2015 at 2:36 PM

 This is very common in middle school & high school. If the girl does not want to be your daughter friend anymore she needs to accept it & move on. Not being rude

pbs1970
by on Jan. 2, 2015 at 8:24 PM

Not to be mean or rude but my daughter does NOT WANT TO BE THE QUEEN BEES FRIEND!  I understand this happen in middle school often.  Not to be mean or rude I realize that some of you didn't understand my post.  The queen bee is my daughters best friend twin sister.  She hates my daughter for my daughter telling her that she has been hurtful to her.  No name calling, very respectful about it. The mom has taken sides with the queen bee and will not let my daughter see her best friend.  The dad disagrees so my daughter sees her best friend outside of school only when she's with the dad.  The queen bee is also mad at the dad and hasn't visited him for 2 months.  I feel my daughter is in a very unhealthy situation and I don't know how to try if possible to resolve this.  If you have rude comments that really don't help, just don't even bother. I thought this was a site for MATURE and UNDERSTANDING moms who could try to lend some support or caring advice. 

pbs1970
by on Jan. 2, 2015 at 8:26 PM

My daughter doesn't want to associate with people like the queen bee....unfortunately, she happens to be the sister of my daughters best friend.  That's the problem!

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