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time envy ...

Posted by on Mar. 22, 2016 at 11:54 AM
  • 10 Replies

So I'm totally jealous of my husband and his spare time.

I come home from work at night and 95% of the time, I'm the one who makes dinner so as soon as I walk through the door, I kick my shoes off and get to the stove.  After dinner is homework time with DD - while I sit there from 6pm to 7pm (sometimes up to 7h30pm)  doing math, vocabulary and all this fun stuff, DH gets to go to our bedroom and read in perfect silence.

When homework is done, it's time for me to pack lunches, do the dishes, do some prep for tomorrow's dinner and send DD off to the shower.  That's whe DH comes back and sits in front of the TV and then it's our time together ... thing is I appreciate that DH and I watch TV together nightly and spend time together however when do I get MY time?.   It's pretty sad that if I want to get some reading done, I have to sneak a book to work with me ...

Do you sometime  get time envy ?

by on Mar. 22, 2016 at 11:54 AM
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Replies (1-10):
MixedCooke
by Member on Mar. 22, 2016 at 12:58 PM
1 mom liked this
Daily but the question is if you asked him for help would he or would he say he is so tired from work? It's not the time I envy, it's the excuse envy. He says he will do something but then makes an excuse as to why it doesn't get done.
Jinxed8
by Gold Member on Mar. 22, 2016 at 2:24 PM

If I ask he helps - like today the roast is in the crock pot - I prepped and seasoned the raw potatoes but he has to roast them in the over.  He will do that so that way when I come home, I just have to make gravy and cook peas. 

Otherwise, if there's spare time like no homework or whatever, we'll often do something as a family or DH wants me to come watch TV with him which is super sweet and all but really is it that much to ask to read for 1/2 hour ???

Like really this week I need to find DD's birth certificate and I just don't have time to look in my files - it's pathetic.  I think frankly it's an easier task to give up pay the fee and order a new copy ...

Quoting MixedCooke: Daily but the question is if you asked him for help would he or would he say he is so tired from work? It's not the time I envy, it's the excuse envy. He says he will do something but then makes an excuse as to why it doesn't get done.


BonitaM
by Bronze Member on Mar. 23, 2016 at 12:01 PM
Yes all the time but DH does too. See I work graveyards and sleep all day so anytime I'm awake and at home I'm doing chores or serving DD, DH, or the pets. I get no me time unless I sacrifice sleep.

Then again I get laid off more than DH and take days of regularly (at least once a month). DH is a workaholic but when he's home he can do whatever he wants.
jewels.unicorn
by Member on Mar. 23, 2016 at 12:24 PM

Yes I do!

But mine is unfair, lol. I have a job where I work only a quarter of the time I'm at work. I answer the phones for a large company and sometimes it's quiet, which gives me a lot of free time during the work day - but I'm stuck at my office, only so much I can really do (crafting, reading, surfing the net) I'd rather be spending this time at home getting things accomplished. His job has him out late some nights, sometimes working 10-20 hrs overtime each week.

However, my evenings sound close to yours, we both get home, he sits in front of the tv while I get going on dinner, homework, chores (keeping on top of the kids doing theirs), lunches, cleanup, etc. Once I get the kids off to bed, dh has been waiting for me this entire time to come hang out... and if I'm late getting the kids to bed, he gets frustrated (not literally, but slightly upset) that our time together shrunk.

The whole time I'm doing all that he's on his phone, watching tv, up in our room on his computer, doing whatever, and I'm running around like a fool trying to get it all together.

Sometimes I get upset & bark at him to help with something which is never the way to make for a happy evening.

So yes, I have time envy.

Jinxed8
by Gold Member on Mar. 23, 2016 at 1:21 PM

yes very similar indeed !

At work sometimes I also get bored and have nothing to do but just like you I'm stuck behind my desk.  I could get SO MUCH done at home.  It drives me nuts.

As for Dh and help, it comes and goes in spurts.  Last week I came home and he had done the laundry which was a nice surprise.  Sometimes he'll get started with dinner, othertimes I come home and he's cleaning or working on repairing something.  One time I also lost my temper with DH I told him that he sits there and watches me run around like a chicken with it's head cut off while he does nothing.  The most frustrating thing is when DD is in bed and I'm still doing 101 things, and he just goes ahead and starts the TV show without me as if saying "Helloooo I'm waiting for you"  I have learned to bite my tongue because if he would help me get my stuff done I would have been done 1/2 hour ago.   

Quoting jewels.unicorn:

Yes I do!

But mine is unfair, lol. I have a job where I work only a quarter of the time I'm at work. I answer the phones for a large company and sometimes it's quiet, which gives me a lot of free time during the work day - but I'm stuck at my office, only so much I can really do (crafting, reading, surfing the net) I'd rather be spending this time at home getting things accomplished. His job has him out late some nights, sometimes working 10-20 hrs overtime each week.

However, my evenings sound close to yours, we both get home, he sits in front of the tv while I get going on dinner, homework, chores (keeping on top of the kids doing theirs), lunches, cleanup, etc. Once I get the kids off to bed, dh has been waiting for me this entire time to come hang out... and if I'm late getting the kids to bed, he gets frustrated (not literally, but slightly upset) that our time together shrunk.

The whole time I'm doing all that he's on his phone, watching tv, up in our room on his computer, doing whatever, and I'm running around like a fool trying to get it all together.

Sometimes I get upset & bark at him to help with something which is never the way to make for a happy evening.

So yes, I have time envy.


JTE11
by Bronze Member on Mar. 24, 2016 at 10:57 AM
I might, but if I wanted regular time to myself I would just tell dh I needed it and what I needed him to do so I could get it. If you don't say anything he probably just thinks this is the routine and it is ok.
katfeemom
by Member on Mar. 25, 2016 at 7:47 AM

My X was like that.  Only he also worked from home at least 2 days a week and still could not get things done around the house.  The rest of the time, he was out of town every other week, so I certainly am not angry for him not working then.

I did all the same things the other moms on here are talking about... get home, help with home work, make dinner, feed the kids, practices (soccer, dance etc always something)  Home from practice, Kids shower and get ready for bed.  I ready items for next day, clean up ect... (you know, Mom-Life"

While DH would.... Walk in the door.  Drop his bags in the entry.  Take off his shoes. Leave them in the entry. Forage around the stove where dinner was.  Make a sandwich (um... dinner's in about 5 minutes, but ok). Eat the sandwich, then complain at dinner that 'he's not hungry'. 5:15 plopped in front of the TV to decompress. 8:00 I've put the kids in bed, I just have to get the stuff done for the next day.  He's still on the sofa, only now he's relaxing, he's finished decompressing.  My favorite would be when he would take a nap on the sofa and then get angry at me b/c I didn't wake him from his nap so he could go to bed.

But he's someone else's issue now...


Quoting Jinxed8:

yes very similar indeed !

At work sometimes I also get bored and have nothing to do but just like you I'm stuck behind my desk.  I could get SO MUCH done at home.  It drives me nuts.

As for Dh and help, it comes and goes in spurts.  Last week I came home and he had done the laundry which was a nice surprise.  Sometimes he'll get started with dinner, othertimes I come home and he's cleaning or working on repairing something.  One time I also lost my temper with DH I told him that he sits there and watches me run around like a chicken with it's head cut off while he does nothing.  The most frustrating thing is when DD is in bed and I'm still doing 101 things, and he just goes ahead and starts the TV show without me as if saying "Helloooo I'm waiting for you"  I have learned to bite my tongue because if he would help me get my stuff done I would have been done 1/2 hour ago.   

Quoting jewels.unicorn:

Yes I do!

But mine is unfair, lol. I have a job where I work only a quarter of the time I'm at work. I answer the phones for a large company and sometimes it's quiet, which gives me a lot of free time during the work day - but I'm stuck at my office, only so much I can really do (crafting, reading, surfing the net) I'd rather be spending this time at home getting things accomplished. His job has him out late some nights, sometimes working 10-20 hrs overtime each week.

However, my evenings sound close to yours, we both get home, he sits in front of the tv while I get going on dinner, homework, chores (keeping on top of the kids doing theirs), lunches, cleanup, etc. Once I get the kids off to bed, dh has been waiting for me this entire time to come hang out... and if I'm late getting the kids to bed, he gets frustrated (not literally, but slightly upset) that our time together shrunk.

The whole time I'm doing all that he's on his phone, watching tv, up in our room on his computer, doing whatever, and I'm running around like a fool trying to get it all together.

Sometimes I get upset & bark at him to help with something which is never the way to make for a happy evening.

So yes, I have time envy.



chicken13
by Member on Mar. 25, 2016 at 10:37 AM

Seems like your dh is more than willing to do what you ask of him.  So ask him to do more!  Have him start a load of laundry or fold clothes.  Heck, have him look for the birth certificate...that'd be a good start.

I bet he doesn't even realize that you're burnt out and need me time.  I bet all he thinks is that you've got it all perfectly handled and he's just going to stay out of the way.

Elle.tea.22
by Member on Apr. 4, 2016 at 9:56 AM

I don't know how I would deal with that. I get my time of day and he gets his. Sometimes I don't come home till 8pm because I go to work, have dinner and drinks after with my friends and he fends for himself at home with the baby.

Jinxed8
by Gold Member on Apr. 4, 2016 at 11:39 AM

Yeah ... I haven't done that in YEARS ... my longest time away is when I grocery shop or run errands or get my nails done.

This weekend I lost it a little - we were all cleaning (me DD and DH) and all of a sudden he declares that he's done, he's over it, he's lost interest, and so I hissed "No kidding !! This is why our house is never truly clean" and I walked away.

Quoting Elle.tea.22:

I don't know how I would deal with that. I get my time of day and he gets his. Sometimes I don't come home till 8pm because I go to work, have dinner and drinks after with my friends and he fends for himself at home with the baby.


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