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Cleaning & Organizing Cleaning & Organizing

Help with purging: ((update at the bottom))

Posted by on Sep. 8, 2013 at 10:47 PM
  • 133 Replies
1 mom liked this
Hi! I'm trying to get my 6 year old to agree to purging his closet and toy boxes. Tonight we cleaned up and we threw away a lot of trash. He agreed to get rid of his train table which he has had for 5 years and no longer uses as a train table. It was being used as a catch all. We got him a new Lego table for his birthday so no need for a train table and a Lego table. He also got a bean bag which takes up room. Our rooms are small about 12x12 so with a bed, dressers and the table - it's pretty full. His closet is the best closet ever. It came with shelving and so storing toys is extremely easy. But he won't let me get rid of ANY toys.

He got rid of 1. Buzz light year that had a broken leg, a squinkie box and the train table which he very quickly decided he could not get rid of and it is back in his room .... So only 2 items were removed ... Hmmm

I need help getting him to get on board with 'out with the old in with the new'. This is very frustrating but he is heart broken over the idea of getting rid of his things. Is this when I just take over and do it myself? When he isn't home? Or will this cause some mental damage? And I'm not kidding when I say that. Thanks!!

Update: he parted with the train table on his own the other day. He decided he doesn't need it since he has a Lego table and his room had too much. We have made three boxes: keep, donate, trash. We have to stop for the day but we will continue tomorrow. I found a good place to donate toys so we will finish up tomorrow. I bought new buckets to organize his toys in his closet. Also cleaning out the book shelf of the baby books he no longer looks at. Books are hard for me to part with but he is on a roll getting rid of them so I'm just going to let him decide. I saved a few special ones and put them with my books. Thanks for all the advice and ideas. I like this much better than doing it behind his back. He is actively taking responsibility for his own things and deciding what he loves and what he doesn't play with anymore.
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by on Sep. 8, 2013 at 10:47 PM
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Bajanmama
by Member on Sep. 9, 2013 at 5:22 PM
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Well now he's probably seen all his toys again so you can't do anything right now. What I do, is wait until they're not home and go through picking out stuff they don't play with anymore and haven't in a while. From the bottom of the toy box, which they likely haven't seen in years and wouldn't remember unless they see them again. I put these into a pillowcase in the back of my closet. That way if something is mentioned or asked about within the next month or two, I can quietly sneak it back into the toy box. After that grace period it gets tossed in their absence and they're no wiser. If I have been begged not to throw out a particular thing then it gets put somewhere for safekeeping so I don't have to see it. They will hide stuff under their bed or in the back of a drawer. And I respect that and pretend I haven't seen it. Things that have broken and could injure someone get thrown away no questions asked.

bzzybeemomof3
by on Sep. 9, 2013 at 8:33 PM
4 moms liked this

 My kids have no choice but to choose. Or I get rid of it all. No lie. I will toss everything they have in there but clothes and books. It all gets donated. Done it before.

I tell them to pick out 5 stuffed animals each, 20 books each, and I give them one container each for toys they want to keep. The rest goes to donations and broken stuff in the trash, they have 1 full day to do it. If its not done I decide, and that means it all goes.

I just did this two weeks ago. If my kids were not sleeping I would take a pic of their shared bedroom, its bare. Not toys but a few stuffed animals and one box of a few things they like. Books under the bed storage.

Only thing we never get rid of are board games (unless outgrown or missing pieces) and their art stuff.

 

Necie72
by on Sep. 9, 2013 at 11:14 PM
1 mom liked this

I do what Bajanmama does...  I put things into a closet...  If it's asked for, then it's retrieved...  I got rid of a kitchen set and McDonald's play set without her realizing it and boy...  I think she's been scarred for life...  LOL  I tossed the kitchen and sold the McDonald's before Christmas to make room for new stuff.  So, I started putting things in a closet.  She's asked about them, but I put off immediately removing them...  If she asks again, then I'll take ONE out.  For now, the things are just put away because of limited space.  We're working on number 2, so I'm not ready to toss it all just to replace it.

blondepegasus
by Member on Sep. 10, 2013 at 12:37 AM
4 moms liked this

I never had to sneak things out of my kids' rooms. They were always willing to go thru things with me and get rid of outgrown/broken toys/clothes. I created a keepsake box for each (lidded plastic tubs) for those items they cherish that have special memories that they don't want taking up valubale real estate but want to keep. They are very selective (each of my older kids has only accumulated 1 1/2 tubs and they are 17 and 18). These get stored up in the attic once full and will be given to them when they leave home. 

I think a great way to go about getting a child reluctant to give up things is to take them to homeless shelters where children live (or other situations such as a child who has lost everything in a fire, etc.) and explain about how little the kids there have and encourage them to offer some of their gently used toys and clothes to those less fortunate. It's a great lesson.

Just an aside - Our kids' bedrooms are12x12 and I've always marveled at what large secondary bedrooms they are...nearly twice as large as the bedroom I grew up in.....LOL

momof2ex1
by on Sep. 10, 2013 at 12:52 AM
I grew up in a much larger home than I am providing for my kids so I guess my perspective is skewed. I don't like wall to wall so when I say it's small it's because I won't cram the room full. I would like my kids to have full size beds but can't figure out how to get them positioned correctly. I like all of the ideas I've received. Fortunately my son is good about throwing away broken toys. He just loves all of the not broken toys. Thanks for the advice. I'll keep it in mind. :)


Quoting blondepegasus:

I never had to sneak things out of my kids' rooms. They were always willing to go thru things with me and get rid of outgrown/broken toys/clothes. I created a keepsake box for each (lidded plastic tubs) for those items they cherish that have special memories that they don't want taking up valubale real estate but want to keep. They are very selective (each of my older kids has only accumulated 1 1/2 tubs and they are 17 and 18). These get stored up in the attic once full and will be given to them when they leave home. 

I think a great way to go about getting a child reluctant to give up things is to take them to homeless shelters where children live (or other situations such as a child who has lost everything in a fire, etc.) and explain about how little the kids there have and encourage them to offer some of their gently used toys and clothes to those less fortunate. It's a great lesson.

Just an aside - Our kids' bedrooms are12x12 and I've always marveled at what large secondary bedrooms they are...nearly twice as large as the bedroom I grew up in.....LOL


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momof2ex1
by on Sep. 10, 2013 at 12:58 AM
That's kind of what happened with my daughter so I think I'm treading lightly with my son. When my dd was my sons age, I went through a nasty divorce where we were forced out of our home and took almost nothing with us. Her dad sold all of her belongings that we didn't take. She has nothing at his home except a bed. She's been in therapy for years and this is one of the issues. We are trying to keep her from becoming a hoarder and I'm not throwing that term around lightly. She is very protective of her things and it must be on her terms. Fortunately she is pretty good about giving things away. I'm scared that the same outcome will happen with my son. I'm over compensating. There is no divorce in my future and his life is very stable. I think we just suffered a huge blow and my daughter suffered ... My sons life is extremely different than hers ever was. He is much more fortunate than she is and has a lot more things. He is just attached to some toys. I don't want to go about it the wrong way if that makes sense. I want to do it the right way and not cause him any 'scarring' like you said. They tend to remember that stuff. I have to get rid of that train table. He can't keep it there is just no room. I guess that will be my goal for this weekend. One bucket at a time and the train table ... Donating it will probably make him feel better than just trashing it. I know he is old enough to understand out with the old in with the new. We will see!! Thanks for the advice!


Quoting Necie72:

I do what Bajanmama does...  I put things into a closet...  If it's asked for, then it's retrieved...  I got rid of a kitchen set and McDonald's play set without her realizing it and boy...  I think she's been scarred for life...  LOL  I tossed the kitchen and sold the McDonald's before Christmas to make room for new stuff.  So, I started putting things in a closet.  She's asked about them, but I put off immediately removing them...  If she asks again, then I'll take ONE out.  For now, the things are just put away because of limited space.  We're working on number 2, so I'm not ready to toss it all just to replace it.


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Necie72
by on Sep. 10, 2013 at 7:42 AM

 I know what you mean.  I watch Hoarders and I've seen where people have had the issues because of something similar from childhood...  One was a woman whose family was always moving.  they couldn't take everything with them, so now, she's a hoarder.  I actually had a landlord who was like that.  Her father made them move a lot and all they were able to take was ONE suitcase each.  So, she was always buying stuff for herself and her son.  She had a bunch of stuff in the attic.  I don't think it reached the status of the show, but she was bad.

Another thing you may want to be sure of is that she doesn't feel like her brother is more fortunate than her as you put it.  They should always see themselves as equals.


Quoting momof2ex1:

That's kind of what happened with my daughter so I think I'm treading lightly with my son. When my dd was my sons age, I went through a nasty divorce where we were forced out of our home and took almost nothing with us. Her dad sold all of her belongings that we didn't take. She has nothing at his home except a bed. She's been in therapy for years and this is one of the issues. We are trying to keep her from becoming a hoarder and I'm not throwing that term around lightly. She is very protective of her things and it must be on her terms. Fortunately she is pretty good about giving things away. I'm scared that the same outcome will happen with my son. I'm over compensating. There is no divorce in my future and his life is very stable. I think we just suffered a huge blow and my daughter suffered ... My sons life is extremely different than hers ever was. He is much more fortunate than she is and has a lot more things. He is just attached to some toys. I don't want to go about it the wrong way if that makes sense. I want to do it the right way and not cause him any 'scarring' like you said. They tend to remember that stuff. I have to get rid of that train table. He can't keep it there is just no room. I guess that will be my goal for this weekend. One bucket at a time and the train table ... Donating it will probably make him feel better than just trashing it. I know he is old enough to understand out with the old in with the new. We will see!! Thanks for the advice!


Quoting Necie72:

I do what Bajanmama does...  I put things into a closet...  If it's asked for, then it's retrieved...  I got rid of a kitchen set and McDonald's play set without her realizing it and boy...  I think she's been scarred for life...  LOL  I tossed the kitchen and sold the McDonald's before Christmas to make room for new stuff.  So, I started putting things in a closet.  She's asked about them, but I put off immediately removing them...  If she asks again, then I'll take ONE out.  For now, the things are just put away because of limited space.  We're working on number 2, so I'm not ready to toss it all just to replace it.



 

momof2ex1
by on Sep. 10, 2013 at 11:35 AM
Well what I mean by fortunate is that he is in an intact family where she has two homes.. Where she has a lot of conflict. Also he has not ever been uprooted or had to deal with the loss of family or a home. We absolutely treat them equal but she's just had more road bumps than he has.


Quoting Necie72:

 I know what you mean.  I watch Hoarders and I've seen where people have had the issues because of something similar from childhood...  One was a woman whose family was always moving.  they couldn't take everything with them, so now, she's a hoarder.  I actually had a landlord who was like that.  Her father made them move a lot and all they were able to take was ONE suitcase each.  So, she was always buying stuff for herself and her son.  She had a bunch of stuff in the attic.  I don't think it reached the status of the show, but she was bad.


Another thing you may want to be sure of is that she doesn't feel like her brother is more fortunate than her as you put it.  They should always see themselves as equals.




Quoting momof2ex1:

That's kind of what happened with my daughter so I think I'm treading lightly with my son. When my dd was my sons age, I went through a nasty divorce where we were forced out of our home and took almost nothing with us. Her dad sold all of her belongings that we didn't take. She has nothing at his home except a bed. She's been in therapy for years and this is one of the issues. We are trying to keep her from becoming a hoarder and I'm not throwing that term around lightly. She is very protective of her things and it must be on her terms. Fortunately she is pretty good about giving things away. I'm scared that the same outcome will happen with my son. I'm over compensating. There is no divorce in my future and his life is very stable. I think we just suffered a huge blow and my daughter suffered ... My sons life is extremely different than hers ever was. He is much more fortunate than she is and has a lot more things. He is just attached to some toys. I don't want to go about it the wrong way if that makes sense. I want to do it the right way and not cause him any 'scarring' like you said. They tend to remember that stuff. I have to get rid of that train table. He can't keep it there is just no room. I guess that will be my goal for this weekend. One bucket at a time and the train table ... Donating it will probably make him feel better than just trashing it. I know he is old enough to understand out with the old in with the new. We will see!! Thanks for the advice!



Quoting Necie72:


I do what Bajanmama does...  I put things into a closet...  If it's asked for, then it's retrieved...  I got rid of a kitchen set and McDonald's play set without her realizing it and boy...  I think she's been scarred for life...  LOL  I tossed the kitchen and sold the McDonald's before Christmas to make room for new stuff.  So, I started putting things in a closet.  She's asked about them, but I put off immediately removing them...  If she asks again, then I'll take ONE out.  For now, the things are just put away because of limited space.  We're working on number 2, so I'm not ready to toss it all just to replace it.





 


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mrs.Emm1
by Member on Sep. 10, 2013 at 4:24 PM
1 mom liked this

My sister-in-law did that with her kids toys, she was very orderly and they were only allowed to keep  a few "nice" toys that they liked.  The house never looked like children lived there.  Her kids are grown now with children of their own, they have beautiful (& neat) homes with LOTS of toys for their kids. They don't have the best memories of having things taken away from them.


Quoting bzzybeemomof3:

 My kids have no choice but to choose. Or I get rid of it all. No lie. I will toss everything they have in there but clothes and books. It all gets donated. Done it before.

I tell them to pick out 5 stuffed animals each, 20 books each, and I give them one container each for toys they want to keep. The rest goes to donations and broken stuff in the trash, they have 1 full day to do it. If its not done I decide, and that means it all goes.

I just did this two weeks ago. If my kids were not sleeping I would take a pic of their shared bedroom, its bare. Not toys but a few stuffed animals and one box of a few things they like. Books under the bed storage.

Only thing we never get rid of are board games (unless outgrown or missing pieces) and their art stuff.

 



bzzybeemomof3
by on Sep. 10, 2013 at 4:31 PM
Big difference my kids do not play with toys at all.

Nothing. They do art and play games. That's it.

My mom was the same with me and my brother growing up. If we didn't pick it up it was gone. LOL I hold nothing against my mom for it. My house looks like kids live here. LOL I also have a toddler.

But why keep stuff they don't play with?


Quoting mrs.Emm1:

My sister-in-law did that with her kids toys, she was very orderly and they were only allowed to keep  a few "nice" toys that they liked.  The house never looked like children lived there.  Her kids are grown now with children of their own, they have beautiful (& neat) homes with LOTS of toys for their kids. They don't have the best memories of having things taken away from them.



Quoting bzzybeemomof3:

 My kids have no choice but to choose. Or I get rid of it all. No lie. I will toss everything they have in there but clothes and books. It all gets donated. Done it before.


I tell them to pick out 5 stuffed animals each, 20 books each, and I give them one container each for toys they want to keep. The rest goes to donations and broken stuff in the trash, they have 1 full day to do it. If its not done I decide, and that means it all goes.


I just did this two weeks ago. If my kids were not sleeping I would take a pic of their shared bedroom, its bare. Not toys but a few stuffed animals and one box of a few things they like. Books under the bed storage.


Only thing we never get rid of are board games (unless outgrown or missing pieces) and their art stuff.


 




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