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Im gonna beat my dh!!!!

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before anyone reads this I am just venting!!!!!!!!




Our rent is due tomorrow and he has managed to spend damn near all of our money....granted he makes almost 800 every week it just pisses me off I dont like to pay my bills late and he went and spent 700 on guns last weekend and now he is going to sell some of his guns, but went to go buy airbrush shit today....it makes no damn sense to me!!!!! he does this shit all the time but not usually so close to the due date.....grrrrrrrrr

by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 7:52 PM
Replies (31-33):
mjimaging
by Melissa on May. 23, 2012 at 8:55 AM
We've done it for years. I have everything on auto pay. It comes out all on its own. We don't worry about it at all.


Quoting piercedbeauty21:

We do the same thing. We have a bank account just for bills to come out of, then we have our own separate accounts. It works for us, and we both have access to the bill paying account, so we can see what needs to be paid, by when, how much is in there, etc. We just started doing it last year, and it's been a lifesaver.

Quoting mjimaging:

I don't know if it would help or not but this is what we do. I have an account set up for bills. I add up all our bills, except food and gas because it varies but everything else down to rent, daycare, insurance, phone bill, all loans, everything. I divide that by the number of paychecks in a month. Put that amount every paycheck in the bills. You can even roll savings into the "bills". Then when you have to pay a bill it's there. My DH brings me his portion of the bills and I put it in the bill account. It's used just for bills. It works, we have the money when we need it an then you know what's left. So he can't spend the bill money. Just what's left. It might help.



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piercedbeauty21
by Shaye on May. 23, 2012 at 8:57 AM

Isn't it great? I think the only thing we don't have on auto pay is the cable. I call them almost every month to ask about my bill, so I rather just pay them over the phone after they explained everything to me lol.

Quoting mjimaging:

We've done it for years. I have everything on auto pay. It comes out all on its own. We don't worry about it at all.


Quoting piercedbeauty21:

We do the same thing. We have a bank account just for bills to come out of, then we have our own separate accounts. It works for us, and we both have access to the bill paying account, so we can see what needs to be paid, by when, how much is in there, etc. We just started doing it last year, and it's been a lifesaver.

Quoting mjimaging:

I don't know if it would help or not but this is what we do. I have an account set up for bills. I add up all our bills, except food and gas because it varies but everything else down to rent, daycare, insurance, phone bill, all loans, everything. I divide that by the number of paychecks in a month. Put that amount every paycheck in the bills. You can even roll savings into the "bills". Then when you have to pay a bill it's there. My DH brings me his portion of the bills and I put it in the bill account. It's used just for bills. It works, we have the money when we need it an then you know what's left. So he can't spend the bill money. Just what's left. It might help.




Lindalou907
by Member on May. 23, 2012 at 11:13 AM

Screaming at you and the kids and keeping you completely dependant on him for money IS abuse,you were raised right,he wasn't,his family lets him get away with it,does he take medicine for his bi-polar or whatever his problem is? Can you get him to go to counseling with you?

Quoting LeCoeurdelaMer:

Thanks for hugs, sure need them.  He always promises to pay them (his family) back but never does. He says they have enough money to afford it so why not take it off their hands. I don't think he likes them very much. He says vile things to them even though they help him that if I ever talked that way to my family it would be over and they would never speak to me again. Besides, I don't feel those kinds of things toward them or my family so I wouldn't ever say that stuff.  I mean, you don't do this stuff to someone you like really.  Maybe he deep down doesn't like me either, or resents marrying me and having the kids. I don't know, it makes me wonder, because I don't have an ATM on his account, he keeps all his money seperate and won't let me use his banking card or any accounts. I have a small stash of cash but not enough to cover any utility bill.  He will yell at kids, really loud. Like by raising his voice, with me too, it makes what he says right. He can be very volatile emotionally and always feels bad after. But it has been said and done and it still hurts all of us. At least he has not hit any of us. I think sometimes is might be effecting the kids too, even though they are young I think it has an effect on them.

I have no money to leave or any place to go or family to go to. And its not constant. Mostly he is good with us but sometimes he seems to go nuts. I know he has some kind of bipolar and control issues, but it doesn't explain all the lies he tells his family.  And he has been caught in the lies but he still does it. I know he has lied to me too, and always I let it go and forgive him. I do love him but I just feel I can't fix this about him and I hope and pray it doesn't get worse.  Its almost like he feels if you don't agree with him that you are against him, like his enemy or something.  I don't know, I'm not a head doctor so don't know how to explain it.  I'm sorry for saying all this. I know I have to try to work things out here with him and I should try to take charge more of the family. But it is like he wants me to be totally dependent on him.   Thanks for all your support. I am glad I can at least let things out here.

Quoting Lindalou907:

I'm sorry for your troubles,can you ask his family to set up a repayment plan or quit lending him money? One good way to save a little money is to get cash back on your ATM when you buy groceries,stash it without telling him,so you have it for next time the utilities threaten to cut you off,or save for your future. When you say he "gets ugly" in how he treats you and the kids,is he abusive? Because that usually only gets worse and you need to change the situation or your kids will be damaged.Hugs honey.

Quoting LeCoeurdelaMer:

My DH hates to pay for anythings.  Has a good job and all but just seems to suck off his family rather than  pay for stuff himself. We have basics of what we need (have had a few utilities cut but then they get put back on, stresses me out bad) and we have a few small extras, but I feel like there is no real future here, no planning and no real partnership.  and worse part is, I hate being around his family because even though they don't say stuff I feel like a leach. He doesn't take care of our place and I wasn't raised to live like trash but I can't keep up with everything myself. He always has an excuse or some reason for what he does, but really I just don't understand it most of the time and rather than argue I just shut up. Our kids are still little, but I'm afraid they are going to see this as they grow up and its not good that way. He say dont worry, it all gets done, but I know none of its right and sometimes he gets just ugly in how he treats me and the kids and his family too. Sorry for venting, just feel lost here and what you said made me think about what I'm living with.




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