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Just split from father of child, need to go to court for custody, this is a nightmare, please give advice!!

Posted by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 1:50 AM
  • 3 Replies

Extremely long, i know, but please read!!!

Unmarried mother, 15 month old daughter, no court orders, recently split from babies father, he is giving me terrible trouble with everything. tried to make verbal custody agreement between the two of us, he doesnt keep up his end of the deal. constantly bullying and threatening me into doing things his way. Now trying to tell me that i cannot legally put my daughter into daycare without his consent. i start a new job on tuesday. telling me that if i put her in daycare he will take me to court. We also had looked at this church based daycare previously while we were still together, and he had been fine with it. Now he is just trying to cause problems for me. I feel he doesnt want me to be able to work because he doesnt want me to look like the better parent when we do finally end up going to court. He has no job, and the last 5 jobs he has had, he has been fired from after less than a month, he is unemployed. He has anger problems, was extremely verbally and emotionally abusive towards me after our daughter was born. He would scare me by making choking gestures towards me and our daughter, he would punch walls inches above her head when she was a new born because he would get angry at her for crying, he would throw things across the room as well, would scream at her to shut up and make fists towards her, also had multiple instances when she was about 5 months old of finding him holding her and he would have an erect penis. very disturbing. finally broke up with him and moved myself and our daughter into my parents home on october 31st 2012. Since then I have had multiple disturbing altercations with him and his mother. he lives with his parents as well. I have detailed documentation of these events. here as some as examples of his behavior.

Novemeber 24th 2012, we had a large arguement over the phone when he was trying to keep our daughter longer than we had agreed on, he ended up telling me that he wished my boyfriend and i would both die.

Novemeber 10th 2012, he and his mother came to my home to drop off our daughter at around 530 pm, called me to let me know they were on their way, my boyfriend and i then decided to run to the grocery store literally minutes away from my home to get 2 things for dinner that night. told my father, who was home, to greet them and be there for the baby exchange if i was not back in time. this is nothing unusual at her fathers home, I frequently drop her off and pick her up when nick (that is fathers name) is not home. didnt think it would be a problem. I get a call about 2 minutes away from the house on our way back from nicks mother screaming at me abot how i wasnt there, she was very rude and angry and told me she refused to give my father our daughter, i then told her i was 2 minutes away and hung up. when i got there she and nick were stanidng outside there car which was parked on the street outside my neighbors home. she was holding our daughter, and i walked to meet her, told her i didnt appreciate her speaking to me in that way and i will not allow her to bully me, then asked for my daughter, she refused to give her to me, and backed away from me so i couldnt get near her. I then repeated that she needed to give me MY daughter, after a few seconds she gave in, all the while screaming at me about how i need to be there when they drop her off, and started calling my father a piece of shit among other things. I know my dad, he is very polite and non confrontational, i knew he couldnt have done anything to envoke such a reaction from her.turns out, karen (thats his moms name)arrived on the porch and started very loudly pounding on the front door, my dad immediately got up and walked to the door to answer it, at which point she very rudely stated

Karen: 'its about time'

My Dad: ' what about 8 seconds?'

Karen: 'oh it was much longer than that'

again very rudly and sounding angry.

my dad then said

"look lets just cut the bullshit okay?'

at which point karen became compeltely furious, and started yelling at cussing at my dad, refusing to give him our daughter. the whole while nick is standing behind his mother with the baby just watching. as i said, when i arrived, she refused to give her to me, then finally did, and started screaming cussing, at this point my boyfriend, and both parents were watching from the front porch, she then called my dad an asshole, called my boyfriend a piece of shit, and continued to baragge me. I then told her to leave the property, this made her even more mad, i began to feel threatened, so i started backing up, getting further onto my property and trying to get further from her, she just kept follwoing me and getting closer and closer to me, i kept telling her to get off the property, she refused, still screaming, then starts telling me she wont leave till i give her a 3 dollar pair of sweat pants i had that she had bought for the baby at walmart. I told her i would go inside and get them right then, but she needed to wait off the property, she then got so close to me screaming no, that i got scared and started to walk into the house, she then tried to follow me into my home!! my dad walked in front of her path once she reached the porch. she then started screaming

'do you want to start a war samantha???? we can start a war!!' at the top of her lungs. neighbors were ven watching out there windows at this point.

 i then went inside, got the pants, gave them to her and they left.

novemeber 27th 2012,

nick had called and asked for some parts to sophias old play yard, apparently he was selling it, i wasnt home at the time and told him i would get them for him, but he needed to wait till i was home, i text him and told him i would be home AROUND 1030 pm. i left to go home at 11pm, he called me when i was half way home and told me that he was waiting outside of my house, and he was very angry, i told him i was on my way, and that he should ot be getting mad at me, i was doing him a favor, i didnt need to get the parts for him, and hung up. when i got there he was sitting in his truck waiting, he saw us (myself and my boyfriend)  pull up, and did not leave his truck, i went inside, got the parts, and brought them straight out him, nicely said "here you go", and handed them to him, all the while he is still sitting in his truck. he then starts complaining about how im a flake and i need to be somewhere when i say, and that it was rude of me, and he has things to do. i then replied by saying, 

'you know what nick, i was doing you a favor, i didnt have to be nice and do this for you, and i told you AROUND 1030, i also told you to wait until i was home. not wait outside my house. if you dont beleive me reread the text'

and went to walk away, he then called me a bitch as i started to walk off. i stopped and turned around, very hurt and upset, and told him

'do not ever call me that, i am still the mother of your child, you show me that much respect.'

he then started screaming

'bitch bitch you fucking bitch'

at me. my boyfriend was looking for something at my car, and hadnt noticed what was going on until this point, he then stood by my car and looked at us, nick then started screaming at him, called him a lazy piece of shit and a faggot, then screamed

'what are you gunna do FAGGOT?! huh? HUH? WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? do something about it!!'

at this point, he is standing outside his truck, each time he would say what are you going to do, he would come away from his car, closer to my boyfriend, clearly threatening him, my boyfriend then retaliated by saying

'oh boohoo im nick, i cant keep a job and i lost my girlfriend, get over it dude'

he then said i would just cheat on him, and that he needs to stop coming to his house with me when i pick up or drop off the baby, my boyfriend replied that he doesnt come onto his property, he doesnt talk to anyone, or make any eye contact, he isnt doing anything wrong, said the only time he has ever come onto the property is to grab sophias stroller because i needed help since nick and his parent wouldnt help me with anything. nick then said he was a piece of shit again and then left. there are many more instances similar, but these have been the worst so far, as you can see, this is a nightmare. i need help, i need advice. I want to take him to court for custody, i would like to get her full time, at most, i would only want him to see her every other weekend. what rights do i have, what rights does he have, help me.

by on Jan. 4, 2013 at 1:50 AM
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Replies (1-3):
by New Member on Feb. 3, 2013 at 9:38 AM

See what legal aid services your state might offer for custody/family matters. A lot of states do have some free, or at least low-cost, options for moms who might need it. If there is open hostility between you and your daughter's father, it is definitely something you might want to seek out legal advice for... or even legal representation. 

Do not honor any verbal custody agreements. If there is something in writing, such as a text message, where an agreement can be proven then you should honor that. If he is taking you to court over this, wait and see what the court decides.

If any of your neighbors witnessed the behavior mentioned above, see if they will give you a statement in writing (signed and notarized so it can't be suggested you did it yourself). The judge will likely take those statements into consideration when determining custody.

And as far as I know, unless there is already a legal custory arrangement in place where you and your ex have joint LEGAL custody, then he has no say at all in you placing your little on in daycare so you can work.

(Note: I am not an attorney, I just work for them... and we do not primarily handle family law matters, and are likely not in the same state as you. Hence, my recommendation to seek actual legal advice here if you can afford it or find it for free)

by New Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 1:09 AM
Take high road, and everything you do should be the best interest in your child. Collecting all the envdanices. Emails are the best. No previate agreement. It can takes up more than 6 or 10 months but always take the high road. It's going to be benefit for you and your child in the long run. Good luck
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by New Member on May. 10, 2013 at 11:05 AM

next time he starts screaming at you call the police on him also look into a restainting order

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