This may be the title, but I must tell you, I really don't like that mantra. I've heard other moms say it, at the playground, at playdates, in the toy store. Do I think teaching sharing is important? Yup. Is it hard for kids to grasp? You betcha. Is it even hard for adults to share? Yes, yes, and yes.
Why does it bug me so much? I'm not sure. Maybe it is too cutsie, maybe it has been overused. Maybe it is because sharing is beyond caring. It is way of getting along with fellow playmates, with your siblings, with your coworkers, with, well, the rest of the world.
This is a HUGE social lesson, and this little phrase really doesn't help any kiddo, especially the little ones, learn how to share or explain sharing in any tangible, productive way. It is easy to say, but so much harder to do, this whole sharing thing.
And we know why: young kids are -- at heart -- egocentric. I'm not saying this little ones are snobbish or cruel, it is just they way we are all born. Read any developmental book, and you will know that little kiddos see the world only really through the veil of their own needs and wants. We have to teach them, not with a cutie phrase, the ins and outs of sharing because they won't naturally give up a favorite toy for a bit.
Not only that, but when they give up that favorite toy, those kiddos feel that they have given up power. Which is tough at that age, when they are first becoming independent and exploring -- which we are encouraging, right? Yet now, all of a sudden, when they are choosing a toy they want to play with we tell them, "Nope, when you are playing with firends, you need to give that up?" That doesn't easily compute in their world, and we all know the rebellion (and tantrum) to follow.
Which is why it is sosososoSO important that we teach our kids sharing; it's one of the best "habits" you can teach. With sharing comes empathy and generosity and all of that other great human, interpersonal stuff. It may take time, it may takes years, through different stages and moments in their young lives. I have some great tips and ideas coming up this week to help -- and hopefully you will share yours too...get it, share yours too...
How do you deal with sharing in your house?
I have been really lucky with my daughter. She essentially has learned to share from me. I have always been kind of cheap and whenever we would go out when she was little, rather than buying her her own meal or whatever, I would share mine with her. At dinner at home when we ate, I would put things on my plate to cut them up then "share" with her. She always saw me sharing with her and its kind of like she has always just assumed that is what we do. We don't keep things to ourselves, we share! My daughter is 4 now and I have never had issue with her not wanting to share. She gets disappointed when other kids dont want to share with her and doesnt understand it, but she is always willing to share with others.
I see what is being said. I agree that kids are egocentric, not on purpose, not that it was imbedded in them through poor raising but it is their nature to be that way until the grow, develop and learn that there is more to life than just onself. It is hard to get kids to share and it is extremely difficult to get them to stop throwing a temper tantrum when doing so. It's almost a topic you want to avoid doing because of the temper tantrums.
Regardless, having a positive outlook..despite feeling this way about the idea of teaching them to share it is important to put these thoughts and feelings aside. Be positive for the sake of your child/children. Give them the benefit of the doubt and the chance to prove you wrong that they can share and will like doing it. My kids hate sharing with one another but when it comes to sharing with others outside the family or with my Husand and myself they love doing it because in their eyes it isn't sharing it is "showing off". Thankfully they are showing off in a polite way and not over doing it to offend anyone. Rather than making it "mandatory" or a MUST to share and forcing it..play with it. For example: My daughter Savannah is playing with her new toys Santa brought her. My son Hayden sees her having so much fun with the toy that he wants it. I would simply say, "Let Savannah have a few more minutes with it and then she will share with you as long as you share with her." And then they would exchange something to share. That way the child sharing doesn't feel left out without having anything. In the long run they will share without needing to have something in return.
I will be the oddball here. I don't push my kids to share. I hated it when I was younger, and I won't make my kids go through what I went through.
I didn't have much when I was younger, but what I did have I valued. It would make me so angry when my parents made me share with my younger sister or younger cousins and they ruined my things. I didn't have a problem with my friends playing with my stuff, but even then I watched them carefully. I just really like my things...lol.
I never make my son share his things with our daughter, and vice versa. When we are having company I tell them if there is anything you don't want them messing with, put it in my room. We work hard for what we have and I won't take the chance of another child ruining things we provided for our children. Our kids have expensive things, and sometimes other people don't always teach their children how to respect other peoples things. They know how to share, especially with items that don't belong to a specific person such as school toys. And when we go places they know how to respect other kids toys.
Now, I realize that I sound totally selfish. I'm not. I'll lend money if I have it, I've cleaned out my bathroom closet and given all my extra shampoos and stuff that I was stocking up on to give to a friend in need, I've picked up toilet paper and other items on sale and brought it to a local shelter. I will give and give my time and money. It's just some things aren't as replaceable as others. If something breaks, I'd rather it be at my hand than yours.
My kids are usually pretty good about sharing, probably because of the nearly 4 year age difference. They are very caring about eachother.
I haven't had a problem with my son and sharing. He's a really easy going kid!
Our motto is to always think of others more highly then yourselves, if that's not happening, we sometimes will remove the object that is the issue, and talk about how we just told the other person that that object is more important then them by not being willing to share- people are always more important then stuff, so we challenge them to really try to think about that all the time.
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- HeatherNYC
on Feb. 6, 2012 at 12:00 AM