Manner Dilemma Sound-Off!

[HeatherNYC]

My kiddo is really very good on the manners front. Of course, we still remind her of the usual "please" and "thank you," but she knows how to sit like a grown-up at the table, uses her napkin not her sleeve, she knows not to tease others and helps her friends...yup, overall, she's a polite child. But there is one thing we struggle with constantly: she interrupts us when we are talking with adults and sometimes on the phone.

Now, if I have a work call, I will let her know I won't be available for a few minutes. I get her into an activity or with a snack and a show, I make my call and usually, it goes okay. Other times, within three minutes of me saying "Hello!," there is a stream of "Mom! Where are my scissors?" or "Mom, I need a drink!" Stopping mid-conversation to remind your kiddo that you are on the phone and she needs to be patient please is just not fun.  Same goes when you are chatting with the neighbor for literally 30 seconds and she's tugging on your sleeve and asking to go.

Again it doesn't happen all of the time, but when it does, it is frustrating. According to the experts, it is natural -- it is totally normal for kids to want their parents' attention. It makes sense: if a child, all of a sudden, sees your attention is directed elsewhere, she wants to be a part of that too -- or else she feels left out.   

So, what's a mom (meaning me) to do? Here are a few ideas I found to try:

-- Don't give attention. Right, easier said than done, and they recommend you don't totally ignore your child and turn Cruella Deville on her, but don't let her badgering you stop your conversation. Rub her back, let her know you know she is there, but don't take your attention from your conversation and don't make eye contact.

-- Make it possible for her to be close to you. When you have explained you have to make a phone call, sit with her in the same room, but tell her head of time you will be focused on speaking to the other person on the phone.

-- Have a code-signal. Tell her that if it an emergency, yes, interrupt you, but figure out a special hand signal for when she needs to wait until you are finished. Think the "time out" sign or a whirly finger in the air, anything that can help her know you hear her, but are busy at the moment.

-- Model good non-interrupting behavior. When you are doing bedtime or reading stories and the phone rings or you get an email, don't interrupt her time with you. Same goes when your husband is on the phone -- if she sees you asking him questions or butting into a conversation, she will think that is acceptable.

-- Be patient with her. It is going to take a few times before she starts to get this one. Don't hang up that phone or walk away from a friend you were chatting with and get angry if she didn't remember the hand signal or was interrupting. Gently remind her of what is expected. 

-- Reward good choices. When she does realize you are talking with another mom at drop-off and she waits until you are done to ask for a snack, tell her how proud you are that she waited. 

Does your child interrupt conversations? How did you ease her out of that habit?

[batjmom]

When the kids were little they would come up and hold my hand. (when we were out or i was talking to someone or on the phone) That would mean they needed to ask me something or needed something.

[PoehlerBear1983]

My kids are horrible about interrupting

[sarah824]

DS (7) is finally getting better about this, but DD (4) is really bad about it. I generally ignore her for a minute and see if she gets the hint. Sometimes she does and will walk away, other times she gets more persistent. It drives me nuts and she usually ends up on time out for the behavior. I think she is starting to get it.

[sarah824]

 This is a neat idea. Thanks for sharing. I may need to teach DD about this one.

Quoting batjmom:

When the kids were little they would come up and hold my hand. (when we were out or i was talking to someone or on the phone) That would mean they needed to ask me something or needed something.

 

[KaylaMillar]

They do. We're trying to teach them to wait. If its important than their taught to say excuse me.

[mjimaging]

They both do but we work on it. Just reminding them not to interrupt but I like your hints.

[batjmom]

Thanks It still works for us and my boys are 9 and 10

Quoting sarah824:

 This is a neat idea. Thanks for sharing. I may need to teach DD about this one.

Quoting batjmom:

When the kids were little they would come up and hold my hand. (when we were out or i was talking to someone or on the phone) That would mean they needed to ask me something or needed something.

 

[MamaMandee]

All three of mine (13,8,3) are really bad about interrupting when DH or I are on the phone but good about when we are talking to someone in person. Ussally we point to the phone, give them a one moment finger and then walk away from them.

[Bmat]

My children learned not to. We didn't need a code. If they interrupted, I knew it was an emergency. I was talking to a neighbor the other day and her grandchild- about age 7, persistently interrupted, even when her grandma chided her for it.

[jessicasmom1]

all I did when DD was little was put my finger to my mouth ... if she would try to interupt .. as if I was saying shhhh for a mintue. It worked she is 12 and does not do it