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Teaching Kids Healthy Habits Teaching Kids Healthy Habits

Monday Mantra: Tough Talks Are...Tough

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Often, they seem to come at bedtime: "Mama, what does Heaven look like?" Or they come when you are rushing around, getting dressed after your shower: "Mama, why do you have hair there?" Or just while you are eating dinner: ‘Mama, how did Maddy's mom get the baby in her belly?"

They are the questions that can lead to what I call tough talks. The talks and the answers you give often will vary depending on how old your child is, but all of the experts agree you have to have some sort of talk no matter the age.

These are ones that stump most parents and just surfing around groups here on Café Mom, you see all of us turning to each other for a little guidance, a little help, a little BTDT virtual hug. Whether it is death and Heaven or private parts and body image, you want to be prepared - or at least as prepared as you can be for something like this.

The main thing, I guess, is to be honest and be appropriate for your kids' ages.  A talk about body image will be different for a five-year-old than it is for a 12-year-old (as it should be!), but believe me, it happens at all ages in between. Our main goal as moms: to be comforting and reassuring no matter the topic and to encourage your kids to ask you these tough questions. The worst thing would be if your child felt he couldn't talk to you or was afraid to ask you whatever pops into his mind. This is a vital and an important habit to start now: honest and open family conversations.

This week, we'll tackle more specifics and give each other ideas on how to handle tough talks.

What was the toughest thing you child has asked you so far?

©iStockphoto.com/ JGould


by on Mar. 5, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Replies (11-20):
gacgbaker
by Bronze Member on Mar. 5, 2012 at 2:43 PM


Quoting nngmommy83:

The toughest thing my child has asked me was why her grandmother had died of cancer when so many don't. It broke my heart =(

So sorry for your loss... hugs

gacgbaker
by Bronze Member on Mar. 5, 2012 at 2:44 PM


Quoting batjmom:

 My grandmother passed away 5 years ago and having to explain death to a 4 and 5 yr old was tough...that same month they were at 2 funerals that was hard for them...they associated the hospital with death

So sorry the kids have had to go through that and now associate the hospital with death- I'm sure that isn't easy to explain :(

countrymomma81
by on Mar. 5, 2012 at 6:07 PM

We've had quite a few animals die, and we lost a cat today. Questions about death and things like that are hard. 

Also, my mom had a heart attack a few weeks ago. We weren't sure if she was going to make it or not. Trying to talk to them and prepare for the worst was very difficult. 

LancesMom
by Member on Mar. 5, 2012 at 8:49 PM

I think the toughest was when he asked why he couldn't sleep with mommy like daddy did. He is an only child and it was so hard to explain to him why he had to sleep in his own bed.

millermom07
by on Mar. 5, 2012 at 9:13 PM

I guess it would be with my now 13 yr old daughter.  I left her dad when she was 6 (her younger siblings were 4 and 3) and when she got a little older, she asked something along the lines of "why is my daddy such a mean man" and "why doesn't my daddy love me anmore?"  He was a very volatile person and would lose his temper at the drop of a hat.  So she saw first hand how mean he could be.  And after we split, he barely took any time to see them, so she figured he didn't love them.  And now, as an almost 14 yr old, she has asked me several times, "why is my dad such a selfish man?"  Which I honestly have no answer to.  She knows he doesn't take the time to call/text them, and we are in different states, so he doesn't see them often.  He barely does anything for them, and acts like it's a crime he has to pay a measley $330 per month for all 3 kids (total).  So it's hard to tell my kids we can't do something because I don't have the money.  Thankfully, I have a wonderful hubby now who has never hesitated to provide for my kids and is an amazing dad to them.

millermom07
by on Mar. 5, 2012 at 9:17 PM

Oh, and my current hubby is black, and my ex is a country a$$ redneck, and is very racist.  When my now 11 yr old daughter was 6, she heard her dad call my hubby the *N* word, and she happens to love her DAD (her stepdad) very much, and she asked me, "why did daddy call Herschel that bad word?"  Yeah, really hard to talk to a 6 yr old about stuff like that!!

Quoting millermom07:

I guess it would be with my now 13 yr old daughter.  I left her dad when she was 6 (her younger siblings were 4 and 3) and when she got a little older, she asked something along the lines of "why is my daddy such a mean man" and "why doesn't my daddy love me anmore?"  He was a very volatile person and would lose his temper at the drop of a hat.  So she saw first hand how mean he could be.  And after we split, he barely took any time to see them, so she figured he didn't love them.  And now, as an almost 14 yr old, she has asked me several times, "why is my dad such a selfish man?"  Which I honestly have no answer to.  She knows he doesn't take the time to call/text them, and we are in different states, so he doesn't see them often.  He barely does anything for them, and acts like it's a crime he has to pay a measley $330 per month for all 3 kids (total).  So it's hard to tell my kids we can't do something because I don't have the money.  Thankfully, I have a wonderful hubby now who has never hesitated to provide for my kids and is an amazing dad to them.


bethany169
by Bethany on Mar. 5, 2012 at 9:24 PM
We went to my grandma's funeral on Friday and we took Cab to the casket to see her. He just asked why she wouldn't wake up and my mom was kneeling down with him and explained that her body was here and her spirit was in heaven. He wasn't close to her and only saw her a handful of times. I have no real experience with death--I haven't been close to any of my grandparents and relatives who've passed so as our parents get older and their health declines, I've had to think about how *I* will handle it, as well as talking to the kids about it.

I'm not nearly as worried about the sex talks :)
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allboys246
by Amy on Mar. 6, 2012 at 7:10 AM

I would have to say the questions about death. My mom and my grandma died a short time apart and the older 2 boys asked a lot of questions about that. I had a very hard time with that.

sunshine86912
by on Mar. 7, 2012 at 1:47 PM

hmmm I will think on this..I am sure there is something, just not sure what.

ashleyfm
by Ashley on Mar. 7, 2012 at 1:51 PM

 I haven't had to yet due to age. These comments are making me tear up.

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