Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How to Miss a Childhood....

Posted by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 11:15 PM
  • 9 Replies
1 mom liked this

Sort of off topic but I saw this on a friends facebook page and thought everyone could benefit from reading it.  I copied and pasted it for anyone who is mobile or doesn't want to click the link.

http://www.handsfreemama.com/2012/05/07/how-to-miss-a-childhood/

How to Miss a Childhood

Each minute of every day, we are presented with a choice on how we spend our moments. We can either miss the moments or grasp them. This photo was taken at a time in my life when I was missing the moments and in doing so, I was missing more than life.

By sharing my own painful truths when it comes to the distractions of the modern age, I have gained an unexpected insight. In the 18 months this blog has existed, I have been privy to a new distraction confession every single day.

Up until now, I never knew what to do with this unusual collection of painful admissions from an overly connected society. But today, in a moment of clarity, I knew. And a woman with 35 years experience as a day care provider held the key.

It came as a message in my inbox after the woman read my post “The Children Have Spoken” which included heart-breaking observations from children themselves about their parents’ excessive phone use.

As soon as I read the first sentence of the caregiver’s email, I knew this message was different than any I had ever received. The hairs on my arms stood up as I absorbed each word that came uncomfortably close to home.

It was a voice of heartache, wisdom, and urgency speaking directly to the parents of the 21st century:

“I can recall a time when you were out with your children you were really with them. You engaged in a back and forth dialog even if they were pre-verbal. You said, ‘Look at the bus, see the doggie, etc.’ Now I see you on the phone, pushing your kids on the swings while distracted by your devices. You think you are spending time with them but you are not present really. When I see you pick up your kids at day care while you’re on the phone, it breaks my heart. They hear your adult conversations. What do they overhear? What is the message they receive? I am not important; I am not important.”

In a 100-word paragraph this concerned woman who has cared for babies since 1977 revealed a disturbing recipe … How to Miss a Childhood.

And because I possess hundreds of distraction confessions, including stories from my own former highly distracted life, I have all the damaging ingredients.

All it takes is one child and one phone and this tragic recipe can be yours.

How to Miss a Childhood

*Keep your phone turned on at all times of the day. Allow the rings, beeps, and buzzes to interrupt your child midsentence; always let the caller take priority.

*Carry your phone around so much that when you happen to leave it in one room your child will come running with it proudly in hand—treating it more like a much needed breathing apparatus than a communication device.

*Decide the app you’re playing is more important than throwing the ball in the yard with your kids. Even better, yell at them to leave you alone while you play your game.

*Take your children to the zoo and spend so much time on your phone that your child looks longingly at the mother who is engaged with her children and wishes she was with her instead.

*While you wait for the server to bring your food or the movie to start, get out your phone and stare at it despite the fact your child sits inches away longing for you talk to him.

*Go to your child’s sporting event and look up periodically from your phone thinking she won’t notice that you are not fully focused on her game.

*Check your phone first thing in the morning … even before you kiss, hug, or greet the people in your family.

*Neglect daily rituals like tucking your child into bed or nightly dinner conversation because you are too busy with your online activity.

*Don’t look up from your phone when your child speaks to you or just reply with an “uh huh” so she thinks you were listening.

*Lose your temper with your child when he “bothers” you while you are interacting with your hand-held electronic device.

*Give an exasperated sigh when your child asks you to push her on the swing. Can’t she see you’re busy?

*Use drive time to call other people regardless of the fact you could be talking to your kids about their day—or about their worries, their fears, or their dreams.

*Read email and text messages at stoplights. Then tell yourself that when your kids are old enough to drive they won’t remember you did this all the time.

*Have the phone to your ear when she gets in or out of the car. Convince yourself a loving hello or goodbye is highly overrated.

Follow this recipe and you will have:

• Missed opportunities for human connection

• Fewer chances to create beautiful memories

• Lack of connection to the people most precious to you

• Inability to really know your children and them unable to know you

• Overwhelming regret

If you find this recipe difficult to read—if you find that you have tears in your eyes, I thank you, and your child thanks you.

It is not easy to consider the possibility that the distractions of the modern age have taken an undeserved priority over the people who matter in your life. In fact, when I admitted this difficult truth to myself almost two years ago, I experienced an emotional breakdown. However, that breakdown became a breakthrough that propelled me to begin my life-changing “Hands Free” journey.

Here’s the thing: You don’t have to follow the above recipe. Yes, it is the 21st century. Yes, the whole world is online. Yes, the communications for your job are important. Yes, at times you must be readily available. But despite all those factors, you do not have to sacrifice your child’s childhood; nor do you have to sacrifice your life.

May I recommend this recipe instead?

How to Grasp a Childhood:

Look into her eyes when she speaks to you … Your uninterrupted gaze is love to your child.


Take time to be with him—really be with him by giving your full attention … The gift of your total presence is love to your child.


Hold her hand, rub his back, listen to her heart beat, and smooth his hair … Your gentle touch is love to your child.


Greet her like you missed her when she was not in your presence … Seeing your face light up when you see her is love to your child.


Play with him … Your involvement in his activities is love to your child.


Set an example of being distraction-free while driving … Positive role modeling behind the wheel is love (and safety) to your child.

Create a distraction-free daily ritual … Consistently making him a priority each day is love to your child.


Focus and smile at her from the stands, sidelines, or the audience … Seeing the joy on your face as you watch is love to your child.


The recipe for “How to Grasp a Childhood” requires only one thing: You must put down your phone. Whether it is for ten minutes, two hours, or an entire Saturday, beautiful human connection, memory making, and parent-child bonding can occur every single time you let go of distraction to grasp what really matters.

The beautiful, life-changing results of your “Hands Free” action can start today … right now … the moment you put down the phone.

************************************************************

My life changed the day I stopped justifying my highly distracted life and  admitted I was missing precious moments that I would never retrieve. I imagined my daughter standing on the stage of her high school graduation and asked myself: When she is 18 years old, will I wish I had spent more time on my phone/work/social life? Or will I wish I had spent more time investing in her?

The answer was simple.

My hope is that this post inspires one person to become aware of how often he or she uses the phone (or computer) in the presence of a child. Please help spread this critical message by clicking “share.” By falling into the right hands, it could be the best Mother’s Day gift ever received.

*For continued inspiration and tips about letting go of distraction to connect with the people you love please join “The Hands Free Revolution.” We are a growing community striving to grasp “the moments that matter” in our one precious life!


slideLilypie Fourth Birthday tickers

weddingDaisypath Wedding tickers






by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 11:15 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-9):
VisionSeeker
by on Jun. 13, 2012 at 6:49 AM

 That was awesome.  Thank you!

batjmom
by Sarah on Jun. 13, 2012 at 6:55 AM

 This is great! 

timon95
by Betty on Jun. 13, 2012 at 10:45 AM

tfs

Harris06
by Megan on Jun. 13, 2012 at 12:37 PM
Thanks! I think we all need to be reminded of this sometimes.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
nngmommy83
by on Jun. 13, 2012 at 3:08 PM
TFS!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
bethany169
by Bethany on Jun. 13, 2012 at 11:47 PM
Exactly. I made a conscious decision when I started my new job to not send emails to my phone so when I leave the office, I leave work behind. I couldn't have done that at my old job and I know not everyone has that luxury in this day and age, but I'm really glad I did it.


Quoting Harris06:

Thanks! I think we all need to be reminded of this sometimes.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
bethany169
by Bethany on Jun. 13, 2012 at 11:53 PM
I will confess that yes, my phone is with me 24/7 but we don't have a landline and my husband works nights. I kind of have to sleep with it next to my bed, especially after we had trouble with our security system and the burglar alarm kept going off in the middle of the night :(

There have been times when I've had to say to DS that he needs to be patient for a minute while I send an email or talk to someone, but I try to give him a little warning that I'm going to be busy with it for a minute and that as soon as I'm done, I'll do whatever it is he's wanting. And then I'm able to focus on him. I think it's good for kids, to some extent, to learn patience and not to interrupt but there is obviously a fine line between that and being ignored and neglected like the author talks about.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
PoehlerBear1983
by Meghan on Jun. 14, 2012 at 8:08 AM
Tfs!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
abra
by on Jun. 14, 2012 at 11:40 AM
so true. I hate smart phones!!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)