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Banning the Word 'Penis' From A Preschooler's Vocabulary

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Banning The Word 'Penis' From A Preschooler's Vocabulary

Posted: 09/27/2012 10:26 am

He just started preschool this month, and she is learning that in addition to the artwork, and the cold germs, that a brand-new student brings home, there are words. Words she doesn't want him saying.

We all have our list of those words. Not the banned-by-the-FCC ones -- I figure all parents agree that those should probably not be part of a 3-year-old's vocabulary. But words that are loaded, words that are hurtful, words that feel personal.

Our lists are different, reflecting all the differences in the lives that shape each one. Mine included all the variations on "stupid," because I know how it hurt me as a child, and all variations on the word "butt" -- a word I didn't know pushed my buttons until I started hearing it constantly from the world's most adorable mouth.

Jade's list is not mine. Her words are:

Winning: "In my house we focus on 'trying' and shy away from result-oriented words like 'winning' or 'losing.'" 

Girlfriend: "She is a full 11 months older than my son and this cougar is dragging him through the wringer. I had expected to hold off these heartaches until middle school, but again I was foiled by his classroom experiences."

Penis: "I also don't understand why some moms are obsessed with teaching their potty-training children the "appropriate" term for their genitals... I've never heard a mom mention whether their child was cutting a bicuspid or canine." 

When I read the above list on Mommyish.com I thought some of her choices were futile, while one was simply wrong. "Winning" is a fact of life in the wider world, and one absolutely worth discussing. "Girlfriend" is cute, and will pass. And "penis" is a word that every little boy should learn so that it doesn'tbecome scandalous and giggle-worthy to a preschooler. What I don't understand is why anyone wouldn'tuse that word, as naturally as one uses arm or leg, or ... tooth.

I also thought back to the moments when my boys began to spout concepts that I knew did not come from me. I remember being startled not just by the words and thoughts themselves, but by the fact of them -- the awareness that my sons would be shaped by so much more than only me.

I wanted that -- exposure to a big wide universe, a chance to look through different lenses and choose their own. But I dreaded it, too. "Stupid" and "butt-head" were the first real reminders that if I do this parenting job right, I loosen my claim and give my children up to the world.

Carinn Jade is learning that, too. She wrote:

I can share my knowledge and values but he will also be influenced by teachers, coaches and peers. His own path will be an integration of the lessons he learns from each.  That is, unless I can convince my husband to let me homeschool him until college.

What are your "banned" words? Why?


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-belkin/banning-the-word-penis_b_1919114.html

Proud Navy Wife since 1/10/06; toddler girl Mother to McKenna since 12/11/08,  toddler girl McKaela since 5/27/10 & baby girl Maisie since 8/15/11.

 Due in September? Join us in September 2011 Babies!

by on Sep. 29, 2012 at 10:09 AM
Replies (21-23):
bethany169
by Bethany on Sep. 30, 2012 at 12:28 PM
Haha, exactly! Man, this parenting and teaching stuff is complicated ;)


Quoting abra:

yes. :) I agree. If we really want to get all crazy there are those situations where the technical winner really is a loser (Ex: the green car in the first Cars movie) :)



Quoting bethany169:

That totally makes sense and was kind of what I was trying to get at. That we shouldn't think of it in terms of winning, but in terms of what was accomplished or what challenge was met.






Quoting abra:

I'm not trying to argue with you, just for the sake of discussion, though, I think in that senario I'd teach my kids that while there is a winner, winning isn't always the point. We may not win a trophy, but we did this that and the other thing that are rewarding in different ways. does that make sense?







Quoting bethany169:

I should add that part of my mindset comes from being a runner--90% of the races I run, I'm not even close to winning, or even placing in my age group. Same with DS when he does the kids' races. But, especially with the obesity epidemic in this country, I think it's ok to teach him that we're winners just for getting out there. That working hard at training and finishing a race of a challenging distance, even if you don't win, is still important.










Quoting abra:

Also, there are winners and loosers. Not making that  reality in your home is lying to your children about life. You don't get an a for effort.  Which reminds me of this...




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tyfry7496
by Janet on Oct. 5, 2012 at 11:58 PM
I'm more afraid of kids and adults who were spanked and not given appropriate ways to solve their problems. I don't find hitting/spanking an acceptable or appropriate method of problem solving.

As a matter of fact, I'm currently dealing with a 3 yr old in my preschool class that is not only spanked when he acts up but he's allowed to hit his parents and his sister can hit him. He hits the other kids and teachers because he's been TAUGHT that hitting is ok. He hit me so hard across the face that my glasses flew off my face and broke. Try teaching him that his behavior is inappropriate. Try teaching the other kids that have picked up his behavior that its inappropriate. It's not easy.


Quoting abra:

Also, there are winners and loosers. Not making that  reality in your home is lying to your children about life. You don't get an a for effort.  Which reminds me of this...

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tyfry7496
by Janet on Oct. 6, 2012 at 12:03 AM
I agree. I raised my 16 yr old son, on my own, without spanking. He has never been spanked. He is respectful, well behaved, polite and compassionate. He gets very upset when he sees a child being spanked. I consistently get compliments on how well I raised him and people are shocked when they find out he's never been spanked.

Quoting bethany169:

I definitely agree that winning and losing are reality and need to be taught (and lived, as an example of how to deal with the consequences of both).



And I agree with the sentiment of that sign, to a certain extent, but I don't necessarily have a problem with trophies for showing up at a certain age--maybe because my oldest is only 4 and I think at this age, sports, etc, should be about learning skills and teamwork, not keeping score. And while we've spanked on very rare, well-deserving occasions, I think it is entirely possible to use consistent discipline and raise a well disciplined, respectful, hard working kid without spanking. Just my two cents...




Quoting abra:

Also, there are winners and loosers. Not making that  reality in your home is lying to your children about life. You don't get an a for effort.  Which reminds me of this...


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