I saw this on NPR and at first I thought I had mistakenly clicked on a "news" story by The Onion. Apparently it's a real phenomenon. I am astounded. Are there no limits to helicopter parenting?!
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Helicopter Parents Hover In The Workplace
As the millennial generation enters the workforce, employers report that parents are taking an increasingly active role advocating on behalf of their children.
With millennial children now in their 20s, more helicopter parents are showing up in the workplace, sometimes even phoning human resources managers to advocate on their child's behalf.
Megan Huffnagle, a former human resources manager at a Denver theme park, recalls being shocked several years ago when she received a call from a young job applicant's mother.
"An employee was hired as an IT intern, and the parent called and proceeded to tell me how talented her son was, and how he deserved much more [compensation], and that he could make much more money outside of this position," Huffnagle says.
Despite the pressure, Huffnagle stood firm, and the young man ultimately accepted the job. But the new employee was embarrassed by his mother's phone call, Huffnagle says. "I think there was a little bit of the roll of the eyes and a bit of a blush," she recalls.
Avoiding Helicopter Parenting
Margaret Fiester of the Society for Human Resource Management says many parents' efforts to help their adult children in the workplace can backfire. Signs you might be overly engaged in your child's professional life:
- Sending a child's resume to prospective employers on his or her behalf
- Urging an employee to hire your son or daughter
- Contacting a child's prospective employer to advocate for better pay or benefits
- Accompanying a child to a job interview
Margaret Fiester of the Society for Human Resource Management, or SHRM, says when it comes to parents acting as lobbyists, she's heard it all — from parents calling to negotiate better salaries or vacation time for their kids to complaining when their child isn't hired. "Surely you've overlooked these wonderful qualities that my child has," Fiester says parents often tell her.
Michigan State University surveyed more than 700 employers seeking to hire recent college graduates. Nearly one-third said parents had submitted resumes on their child's behalf, some without even informing the child. One-quarter reported hearing from parents urging the employer to hire their son or daughter for a position. Four percent of respondents reported that a parent actually showed up for the candidate's job interview.
Those types of interventions can backfire, says Feister. "It definitely does not show great leadership or decision-making skills," she says.
Feister says SHRM advises its members that talking to a parent about issues like salary or benefits does not necessarily violate an employee's privacy. On the other hand, she says, it's perfectly legitimate for a company have a policy of speaking only with the employee or prospective employee.
'Get The Parents On Your Side'
If some observers are troubled by this trend, others are urging businesses to accept it.
"You don't want to block the energy of the parent," says Neil Howe, who studies and consults on generational trends for the company LifeCourse Associates. "It's like jujitsu. You just want to channel it in a certain direction."
You don't want to block the energy of the parent. You just want to channel it in a certain direction.
Howe says boomers are incredibly close to their children, and in his opinion, that's a good thing.
Besides, Howe says, there's little point in resisting engaged parents. School teachers initially tried to push back against helicopter parents a decade ago, Howe notes, but ultimately learned it was counterproductive.
"Every time a teacher [resisted], that parent, who was so attached to their kid, would become that teacher's worst enemy," Howe says.
Today, Howe says, many schools now reach out proactively to parents, going so far as to offer online homework programs that allow parents to monitor a child's progress. Colleges have also adapted, he notes, some even creating an Office of Parent Relations.
Howe says working with engaged parents is often the better approach. "Maybe you can make the parents allies," he says.
"The kids are calling them; they may be living with them; they're relying on the parents for their advice. Why don't you get the parents on your side?"
More Companies Adapting
That's exactly what the car rental company Enterprise Holdings aims to do, says Marie Artim, vice president for Talent Acquisition.
Parents are "an influencer," Artim says. "So if they feel more comfortable that it's a solid, stable, growing company with a lot of opportunities, and a good culture and people who care, they're going to feel better about encouraging their son or daughter to consider it."
Parenting Advice For The 20-Something Years
Parenting used to end when kids turned 18. Not anymore. Enter: books on raising your adult child.
To that end, Enterprise is happy to send parents the same recruitment packages it sends their children. And when Enterprise interns present their final projects and are considering full-time positions, parents are invited in.
Other companies have even organized a "Take Your Parent to Work" day, to give moms and dads a peek at what child does at the office.
But like many employers, Enterprise does not allow parents to sit in on job interviews. And when a parent shows up at a college career fair to hand out a child's resume? Artim offers a gentle but firm message.
"While we appreciate what you're trying to do," she says, "actually your son [or daughter] would be much better off by showing the initiative, and focusing and committing to their career search themselves."
A solid job hunting tip for both generations
http://www.npr.org/2012/02/06/146464665/helicopter-parents-hover-in-the-workplace?sc=fb&cc=fp
Children NEED independence. If they can't do it on their own, they should at least attempt it before getting mom and dad to help. How else are they going to learn?
This is a product of the low expectations we have of teenagers. We praise them to the ends of the earth if they just do mediocre work in school and don't become drug addicts. They spend their teen years just coasting along, with the world telling them that they should be focused solely on having fun. So, it is no surprise that they cannot enter the job market without mommy and daddy holding their hands through it.
My kids would KILL me if I ever did that! I always ask them if it's ok to get involved with situations they encounter.
I am part of this "millenium generation" at 24 and now I am so glad my parents always took a hands-off approach to my life. I recently left my job as a leasing agent at an apartment complex, and when we were taking applications to fill my position (walk ins only) I actually had mothers come in and fill out applications for their kids! And wait outside of the interview....! How ridiculous.
On a side note, I have had to teach people my age how to write out checks to pay their rent. It's kind of funny and really pathetic at the same time.
I think you are completely right! Kids have to have the chance to fail and pick themselves back up, otherwise they will expect (as I have noticed many college students do where I work) everything handed to them on a silver platter. It's not just parents either - teachers have the same responsibility. There was a student here who failed a math test and couldn't understand why the teacher didn't pass him. Duh!
Life is full of cracks and pitfalls - learn to handle it!
Quoting 1FlMom1:This is a product of the low expectations we have of teenagers. We praise them to the ends of the earth if they just do mediocre work in school and don't become drug addicts. They spend their teen years just coasting along, with the world telling them that they should be focused solely on having fun. So, it is no surprise that they cannot enter the job market without mommy and daddy holding their hands through it.
My dad drove me to an interview once ( right after I graduated from nursing school) because I had NO idea where the place was, and there was no such thing as GPS then. I get lost very easily. He most certainly didn't go into the interview with me. Parents have no business speaking for their children at their child's place of employment. Unless the child is injured or sick to the point where they cannot speak for themselves, parents need to butt out and let their child handle their work problems on their own.
Public school? Aren't you worried about socialization?
Join me in Christian Homeschoolers!! http://www.cafemom.com/group/3200
I saw this helicoptering in college. I worked for my college's Id card and report card printin g office. You would not believe the parents who called in to get info about their kids. And my line was ALWAYS the same...."I am very sorry sir or ma'am, but your son/daughter is considered an adult by the Penn Gov't and I am not allowed by law to give that information to you since you are considered by the Penn Gov't a third party." I think employers need to start taking the same approach.
Now this is something I have missed. Huh?! Are there really parents doing this? I have 2 things to say to that....
1. Kids, you had better learn or you will fail.
2. Parents, back the thunder up and let your child do what he/she is going to do. If you don't then your child will never be able to do anything on their own. You might as well still be wiping their backsides.
If my kids can't handle things on their own, then I didn't do my job right as a parent!
Wow. I am in shock. Who would do that to their child?
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- arthistmom
on Feb. 7, 2012 at 10:55 PM