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Question on 5 Year old

Posted by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 11:54 AM
  • 7 Replies

My 5 year old is in La Petite pre-k.  She missed the kindergarden cutoff but a couple months.  She has always been very bright and ahead of the kids her own age intellectually and emotionally.  As the gets older, this becomes more and more clear.  We figured soon she will be in public school and she will be taught more or evaluated if needed to be to be bumped up.  In the meantime, we will hang tight.  She doesnt learn much of anything in the class, its not challenging, most teachers find her to ask too many questions, but now - her peers are rejecting her.  She is bossy... thats true... I tried to talk and explain about taking turns and not telling friends what to do.  I was trying to make it a learning experience... because I feel it IS a life learning experience.  Her teach informed me this morning that she is being left out be peer a lot and she feels its because olivia is too far ahead of them and her play is too complex and that she gets frustrated when the kids dont keep up.  From what I have seen going to play places and family friends... her ideal playmate is about age 8 or 9.

Ok... now here is my question.. is there anything I can do here to assist my struggling child.  She no doubt needs to learn how to get along in difficult circumstances and its never ok to be bossy.  The idea of making her continue until August makes me feel terrible.  It has gotten to a point she doesn't even want to go to school.  Then I thought... maybe a montessori!  From the ones I have talked to the academics would be there... I even found they blend grade levels.  When I called, they blend down.  So it would be 2-5 year olds.  I dont think that would help her at all.

Does anyone know something I dont??

in love  blowing bubbles  baby boy 
Wife to Jared, Mother to Olivia Grace 10/11/2007  &   Blaine Alexander 01/13/2012

by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 11:54 AM
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by on Jan. 8, 2013 at 8:53 PM
Have u looked into maybe a social skills class? Maybe a few books on friends? Being a good friend.. Working together.. Team mates?

My son has Aspergers. So, i know what you mean about being academically advanced. When he was in preschool they were teaching "square" my son would call it a quadrilateral.

He too suffers socially and playmates who are older, more verbal and cerebral are a better fit. BUT i do think keeping her where she is so she can grow socially is important. We do need to foster some reciprocity in the class. Can u see if there is another teacher who can help bridge the gap for her.. Give her chances to "try asking a different way" when she gets bossy... Or pointing out social norms and preferences.. Maybe facial cues your dd is missing?
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by on Jan. 9, 2013 at 1:40 PM

Maybe talk with the principle and see if the school can assist in modifying your daughters classes.  I suggest your daughter learn how to become a leader instead of being bossy to others.

by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 11:05 AM

Wow, had to read your post again cause it sounds like my daughter and her name is Olivia. The only acception is the birthday with the cuttoff date. She is in kindergarten this year, reading and doing math on a 1st grade level.

First all I am surprised that her teachers aren't encouraging her and the other kids about positive interaction with each other. Preschool is not only about the academics but about social interaction as well, no matter what level the kids are on. It is a learned skill as well. I feel that the teacher should intervine when she sees that she is being left out and guide the children on how to play with each other. That's just my opinion, just speaking from experience.

I would say just hang on in there, and continue to communicate with the teachers and also the director of the school. Let them know your concerns, and try to come with some goals and an action plan for her. Academic and socal. I am not sure what the problem is cause alot of children that age are bossy, just constantly remind her that everyone needs to take turns. Show it a home, for ex.~My daughter loves to help me in the kitchen. If I am making something that requires you to stir something in a bowl, I will tell her, ok Olivia mommy will stir first, then you will stir next. See, we are taking turns. Anytime that something requires turn taking point it out, and say what you are doing, ok Olivia you first, then (mom or sibling) next. Sometimes they just need examples. If she is just being bossy, remind her that everyone has different opionions and may not want to do what she wants to all the time, this is where turn taking comes in. Let's play this game first, when we are done then we will play the other. I hope this helps a little :)

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by on Jan. 19, 2013 at 7:27 PM

Why not try the Montessori?  Explain the situation and ask is they might be able to move her up.  It is tough when kids are not accepting.  The teacher should really try to work this out better and aim for more inclusion.

I have a different situation.  My kids are not academic, but are better at the social aspects.  My daughter has Down syndrome and we always found that some kids would seek her out to play with because she is fun and non judgemental.  She is a great playmate as she likes someone who leads the way and makes all the plans.  She actually brings a lot to the class and brings in a very positive dynamic.  But again the teacher is crucial to fostering a good environment.

by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 3:31 PM

We went through this with my daughter.  She actually made the cutoff so she is one of the younger ones in her class.  I believe the things you are describing are because her social skills haven't yet caught up with her academic skills.  Their friendships do suffer as a results but as she gets older she will find those friends that "understand" her. 

My daughter is in 7th now and she went to a VERY good preschool.  I actually liked it so much that she stayed there through kindergarten.  This was the best thing I could have done for her socially and academically.  When she transitioned to public school, she was far ahead and that's when the problems started.  She would get bored and tell others how to do the work so they could finish and play with her.  We had to keep reminding her that they needed to learn it on their own and do their own work! LOL! 

Anyway, my point in saying all this was to say, stimiulate her at home as much as you can.  Use real life examples like letting her measure when you are cooking or playing games like "who am I" or Spelling when you are on car trips.  We hardly ever used a DVD on long car trips because my kids would rather do I Spy and the games I mentioned above.  Give her worksheets that are above her age and get her reading indenpendently if she isn't already.  As she ages, I would think you would start to see the concerning behaviors decrease. 

I hope you can help her love school and learning again!

by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 4:09 PM

My oldest went through this all of her life.  She never truly had any friends her age because of this. Ahe worked her butt off trying to make friends too.  She is now 17 and does not want friends her own age anymore.  She is content with having older friends. (20-22/24)  We tried to help but to no avail.  Just be there for your daughter and always have a place that she can come to and just let her feelings rip without fear of judgement and recriminations. And then let her know that she is loved and that there is nothing wrong with her that she is just fine but she is going to have to wait for the other kids to catch up. Just be there for her.  :)   

by on Mar. 20, 2013 at 6:27 AM

DD2 is very similar to your child.  I will always remember seeing her at preschool pick up with hands in her coat pocket walking around the school yard in deep thought while the other kids ran around playing with each other.  She used to police everyone, reminding them the rules.  Everyone came to her for help and she did help them but after a while she would tell them to figure it out themselves first before asking her.  We worked on making friends, being part of a group, self-esteem, empathy, kindness, and toning down on being the know it all.  We didn't want her to change herself or have her feel she isn't accepted for who she is we just wanted to tweak her so that she will be able to know what is acceptable and what isn't acceptable.  She's in 4th grade now and well respected by her peers and teachers and anyone else around her.  She just had a sleepover this past weekend, giggling and having fun with her friends all evening.  She is a natural leader.  She is in the G/T program.  We didn't skip her when she was younger but kept her challenged using fables, and lateral learning approaches. 

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