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A Flicker

Posted by on Jul. 26, 2011 at 8:42 PM
  • 5 Replies

As working people leading busy lives apart day after day, coming together only at the end of long work days and then having to deal with dinner, kids, chores, etc., it's understandable that a married couple drifts apart and starts to feel more like roommates than soul mates. So I wasn't terribly surprised when I found that my husband and I had reached that point. Stress from all angles seemed to be overwhelming him and his stress was wearing me down in turn as I dealt with things more at home. 

The funny thing about us, though, is that he's not really a strong person. I love him to pieces but he really isn't that strong, and that's fine most of the time because I'm strong enough for the both of us. Yet when things get tough, even the strongest tree bends, and given enough pressure, even a 200yo oak will break or fall over. That's when I wish my husband were stronger, and more astute, more tuned in to my needs so he could prop me up, give me some relief from the burden, and help me carry on. But, he isn't, so I shoulder the burden alone.

When things are good with us, when we're connected, when we're laughing and having fun together, I find it easy to be strong and trudge through the daily muck without much difficulty at all. When things aren't so good with us, when we're distant, when all we're doing is complaining or indulging in hobbies solo (he plays video games, I read), I find it hard to be strong and keep my head held high as I deal with things. 

So, whenever it feels the chasm between us is growing too wide to bridge the gap, I try to make a point to do something to connect us before that happens. I planned a vacation and things happened to conspire against us so we didn't get that, but I did manage to create an impromptu day out for us. It was a family thing, not a couples' thing, but it had the desired effect, I think, for even though we had kids around and other family members there, we had a chance to talk to each other about more than the usual daily things, to remember what it's like to walk in the sun holding hands, to steal kisses and laugh when we're busted doing so, to be Alan and Kaye, not just Dad and Mom.  

The problem with that tiny taste of reconnection, however, is that I'm hungry for more, but I'm working on a new plan to find that time and make a bigger connection again. I caught a flicker of what we could be again and now I want the whole image.

         ♥  ♥  ♥  I love to read. ♥  ♥  ♥
 

by on Jul. 26, 2011 at 8:42 PM
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Replies (1-5):
beanielips
by Silver Member on Jul. 26, 2011 at 9:26 PM
Glad that you recognize what you are missing and actively work to change it.
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bamababe1975
by on Jul. 27, 2011 at 11:39 AM

Marriage is hard work, harder still with so much else going on in the world, but it's good you see the problem as it's coming and head it off at the pass.  

LancesMom
by Member on Jul. 27, 2011 at 11:42 AM

Glad you have a plan and are moving forward, I agree marriage is hard work!

NearSeattleMom
by Member on Aug. 1, 2011 at 1:57 AM

hugsI know that feeling . . . good job making a connection and knowing how to make a bigger connection!

amonkeymom
by Member on Aug. 4, 2011 at 3:01 PM

I'm glad you're rediscovering Alan & Kay!  :)

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