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Just Keep Swimming.

Posted by on Jul. 27, 2012 at 5:31 PM
  • 4 Replies

What you need to know...

Jeff is my husband.  We have been together 8 years on Christmas.  He is a recovering Meth addict, next month he will be clean 8 years.  He got brain damage in a carbon monoxide poisoning while he was in job corps.

Chloe west is my oldest child.  She is 6.  Nevaeh Sunshine is 5.  Both the girls are homeschooled through k12.  I also have two boys.  Junior is 22 months, and Maddox is 8 months.

My husband and I are both in school.  Its his first semester.  I will be done with my associates degree next may!

                                                        

by on Jul. 27, 2012 at 5:31 PM
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Replies (1-4):
college.mom
by Member on Jul. 27, 2012 at 5:33 PM

Jeff did his testing!  I am such a proud wife right now.  He score into 060 in Math, which is AMAZING for him.  He tested into college level reading and English 090.  For someone with brain damage that is AMAZING.  I am so, so, so proud of him.  I really, really am.  We got him registered for classes too.


I just input my classes and Jeffs classes into my Cozi family planner app.  It made me really, really sad.


Between now and October 29th, we wont get to see each other really.  This will be our schedule


On Mondays I will have to leave at 8 AM, drop the car off at Jeff's mom at 8:30.  Then I board a bus and head down to class.  At 11:30 Jeff needs to load the kids up and bring them to his moms, drop them and the van off at his moms and take the car up to school.  At 1:45 my class is over so then I board a bus, get to his moms by 3, pick up the kids and the van and go home.  Jeff has class Mondays until 8:15.  He will get home around 9.


On Tuesdays I have to intern from 8 AM until 2 PM.  I will leave my house at 7 and drive myself to my internship.  Jeff will again drop the kids off at his moms at 11:30 and head to school.  I will be done interning at 2, however I will only have the car.  I will drive myself home, get some cleaning done and dinner ready.  Jeff gets done with school at 3:50 he will go pick up the kids and head home.


On Wednesdays I have to be at class by 8:30.  I will have to leave here by 6, drop the car off at his moms, and ride the bus to class.  Same story for Jeff he has to leave for his moms at 11:30.  I will pick them up by 3 and get home.  Jeff wont be home until 9 again.  


Thursdays are basically the same as Tuesdays except, Jeff has therapy at 6, so he will bring the kids home and take the car and leave, then come back at 7.  Sigh.  


Fridays Jeff will be home with the kids from 7 until 3 while I intern.


Saturday and Sunday are free right now, but Jeff is considering getting a job.  On October 29th everything changes.  Jeff will be home all day Tuesday and Thursday except his therapy at 6.  I will no longer have my internship either.  So basically we will be free Tuesday, Thursday through Sunday.  Mondays I still have my class until 1:45, and Wednesdays I still have my 8:30 AM class.  Jeff has class at 5:45 on Mondays and Wednesdays.


I have set up Fridays to be date night for us.  We will either do the date night at home or out on the town (but I think our "out" nights wont be until after October 29th.).  I am making it a point to work on our marriage.  With him in school and us not seeing each other much, we need our nights.  Saturday nights will be kid nights.  We will be doing things like a "drive in movie" in our living room.  Game nights.  Just fun kids activities.  


I really need to upload pictures.  I need to finish putting the girls school crap in the classroom.  I am ready to get this semester over with :)

mp3mom
by Cherrie on Aug. 6, 2012 at 1:09 AM

It does sound tough. Anything worth having usually is. Good luck to you :)

Quoting college.mom:

Jeff did his testing!  I am such a proud wife right now.  He score into 060 in Math, which is AMAZING for him.  He tested into college level reading and English 090.  For someone with brain damage that is AMAZING.  I am so, so, so proud of him.  I really, really am.  We got him registered for classes too.


I just input my classes and Jeffs classes into my Cozi family planner app.  It made me really, really sad.


Between now and October 29th, we wont get to see each other really.  This will be our schedule


On Mondays I will have to leave at 8 AM, drop the car off at Jeff's mom at 8:30.  Then I board a bus and head down to class.  At 11:30 Jeff needs to load the kids up and bring them to his moms, drop them and the van off at his moms and take the car up to school.  At 1:45 my class is over so then I board a bus, get to his moms by 3, pick up the kids and the van and go home.  Jeff has class Mondays until 8:15.  He will get home around 9.


On Tuesdays I have to intern from 8 AM until 2 PM.  I will leave my house at 7 and drive myself to my internship.  Jeff will again drop the kids off at his moms at 11:30 and head to school.  I will be done interning at 2, however I will only have the car.  I will drive myself home, get some cleaning done and dinner ready.  Jeff gets done with school at 3:50 he will go pick up the kids and head home.


On Wednesdays I have to be at class by 8:30.  I will have to leave here by 6, drop the car off at his moms, and ride the bus to class.  Same story for Jeff he has to leave for his moms at 11:30.  I will pick them up by 3 and get home.  Jeff wont be home until 9 again.  


Thursdays are basically the same as Tuesdays except, Jeff has therapy at 6, so he will bring the kids home and take the car and leave, then come back at 7.  Sigh.  


Fridays Jeff will be home with the kids from 7 until 3 while I intern.


Saturday and Sunday are free right now, but Jeff is considering getting a job.  On October 29th everything changes.  Jeff will be home all day Tuesday and Thursday except his therapy at 6.  I will no longer have my internship either.  So basically we will be free Tuesday, Thursday through Sunday.  Mondays I still have my class until 1:45, and Wednesdays I still have my 8:30 AM class.  Jeff has class at 5:45 on Mondays and Wednesdays.


I have set up Fridays to be date night for us.  We will either do the date night at home or out on the town (but I think our "out" nights wont be until after October 29th.).  I am making it a point to work on our marriage.  With him in school and us not seeing each other much, we need our nights.  Saturday nights will be kid nights.  We will be doing things like a "drive in movie" in our living room.  Game nights.  Just fun kids activities.  


I really need to upload pictures.  I need to finish putting the girls school crap in the classroom.  I am ready to get this semester over with :)


college.mom
by Member on Aug. 10, 2012 at 12:55 AM

I just finished an amazing book called The Five Love Languages.  I took the quiz after reading it to determine my love language, and I had Jeff take it to determine his. 

The greatest part about the book is throughout the book he talks about love being a choice. That the in-love part of your relationship is completely emotion and it is a very short-lived part of your journey together. For a love that lasts you need to choose to learn to speak the love language of your husband/wife. I took the quiz online to find out what my primary love language was. I thought it could have been a number of different things, but apparently I was wrong. My primary love language ended up being Words of Affirmation, which completely makes sense. I am 100 percent someone who needs to be told that I am doing a great job, or that I am appreciated!

The highest score you can get in any category is a 12, and I got a 12 in Words of Affirmation.

Then I got a 5 in quality time, receiving gifts, and physical touch. My lowest score was a 3 in acts of service!

Jeff score is very very different than mine.  His is 
3 Words of Affirmation
10 Quality Time
1 Receiving Gifts
6 Acts of Service
10 Physical Touch

I get it now.  I get why sex is so crazy important to him. To Jeff if I dont have sex with him, he doesnt feel loved, wanted, secure, or emotionally healthy.  He thinks I dont care about him anymore.  

To me when someone tells me: wow you've gained weight I feel like the lowest person on the planet.  When someone tells me I didnt do my best, I feel like I am worthless.  I do things to seek approval and praise.  When I dont get praise or told that I mean something to people, and they continue to break me down by telling me I am a bad housekeeper, lazy, tearing apart my mothers family, a liar, and other insults, I believe them.  I get so hurt by them.

Even when I write in here, I feel like I have to word things a certain way or you guys will begin to bash me, and honestly I cant deal with that.  This book has taught me a lot about myself and how I feel love.  I recommend it to everyone, even you singles

college.mom
by Member on Aug. 21, 2012 at 7:43 AM

I am sitting at the kitchen table, wrapped up in a robe. I just took a 30 minute long shower with no interruptions by Junior who likes to climb fully clothed in with me.

I woke up today at 3:30 AM. I went to bed around 7:30. I fell asleep on the couch before Jeff even got home from his classes. He says they went really well. 

Yesterday of course was my first day of class too. It went well, it was really hard though to come home from my class, serve everyone dinner (crock pot meal), and then get the girls going on schooling.  Which brings me to my next point.  I got a job at Jimmy Johns.  Jeff and I discussed how Jimmy Johns is going to create more stress and he doesnt know if he can handle doing both the girls' lessons every day. I dont blame him because hell I didnt finish their lessons yesterday, and I know the system. I did it all last year with Chloe. 

She is being much more cooperative this year with doing her lessons so far. I just, I dont know if taking a job that I really dont need is going to be good for the girls and their education. Not to mention the other cons with JJs. They dont pay mileage. I figured it out to cost me about 80 bucks a week in gas (thats how much it costs to fill my tank). Plus 100 dollars extra a month in insurance. Plus extra wear and tear on a vehicle that already has 200,000 miles. I will be bringing home 180 a month after all those expenses. Is that worth putting more stress on Jeff during his first semester back? Is that worth more stress on ME? 

Jeff suggested he get a job instead, because even though taking on the responsibility of needing to teach both girls, it would be easier on me if he was the one working and I was the one teaching. We will see how this plays out. I am not supposed to start until the 30th, so I still have time to think ya know.

Today I am having a bit of an anxiety attack. It is my first day at my internship! I start at 8 AM. I will be riding the bus (via the lightrail). Jeff is giving me a ride to the station and I will ride it to work. Then I will ride all the way home to the bus stop a block away. I dont know that route so we didnt want to send me today on the way to work and me be late or something. I am so nervous, but I dont need to be. Chin up Miss Mindi, you got an internship most people only dream about...I am really working on only thinking positive. 

I am thinking of joining a couple support groups. One specifically for people with anxiety disorders. Another one for sexual abuse survivors. I think it may help even with just this stupid anxiety. I have noticed though, Jeff is developing an anxiety disorder. I think a big part of it may be that we really do not socialize with people. Yesterday he started having a panic attack in the middle of his classroom before class started  I know that feeling all too well.

This whole silent morning thing is kind of awesome. All I hear is the sound of me typing and the fan. And of course Maddox's cute little half snore. 

My implanon has been making me very very sick.  Or I am pregnant and its not showing up on urine pregnancy tests.  I have had a migraine for 2 weeks now.  I get really sick to my stomach and I feel like death.  I am feeling pretty good today, I still have a bit of a dull migraine, but honestly I am used to that feeling by now . I will take a prescription strength Ibuprofen before I leave and just hope it lasts me long enough. I thought about just going to urgent care one day this week, but I already know what they will do. I hate my hospitals urgent care. They will tell me that they need to take a urine pregnancy test, and when it comes back negative they will tell me that its probably hormonal side effects of my implanon and to make an appointment with primary care to get it taken out. Stupid people. 

I wonder if planned parenthood could help now that I think about it. Maybe I will call them. I doubt they will but its worth a shot.

My actual sick feeling doesnt come on til later in the day, so hopefully it leaves me alone until about 2. lol. Thats when I will be done!

Alright ladies. I am done writing, I have a couple errands and things to do before I need to get dressed and be ready to go! 

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