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my son zachary.

Posted by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 1:21 PM
  • 11 Replies

Hi, my name is Amber and I have a 2 year old son named Zachary. For the past year I have struggled with him and his development. He is almost 3 years old and does not talk what-so-ever. He seems to have trouble hearing also, even though he had tubes put in his ears in May of this year. Sometimes it also seems like he forgets everything just as fast as he learns it. Even though I work with him as much as I can, his vocabulary has remained at maybe 10 words. ):

His anger outbursts are kind of outragious. Sometimes it really gets to where I cannot control him and it really sucks sometimes. I have two younger boys as well, and it seems like I constantly have to stop what I am doing with them to stop Zachary from doing something he knows better. I've literally tried everything. When it comes to punishment, I really try to refrain from spankings, but I have tried everything like the counting system and the corner, but if I do the corner I have to stand right there behind him or he won't stand there. Sometimes I wonder if his lack of being able to communicate is one of the main reason these outbursts happen but I am not too sure though either.

Has anyone had a similar problem?

by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 1:21 PM
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by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 5:24 PM
I have not, but it is very common. One of the ladies on here will be able to help.
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by Darby on Nov. 26, 2011 at 7:55 PM

I'm sorry that you're dealing with all this mama!  I know it has to be hard.  Have you talked to his doctor about this?  Any ideas from him/her?  That might be a good place to start:)  

by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 8:00 PM

Hey there, I am Kimmie. I have a son who is 14yrs old with ASD and Mild MR. I went through the same kind of story. He lost his speech around 24months and kept forgetting what he was taught on a daily basis. He really did not talk clearly until 3yrs ago. I agree that some of the outbursts are due to being frustrated about not being able to tell you what they want or that you dont quess what they want. It becomes even more frustrating for them when their siblings start to pass them up and do things that they should be doing.

You should have him tested for as much as possible so that early intervention can start as soon as possible.

you are not alone.

by on Nov. 26, 2011 at 8:48 PM

See, I have brought it up to his doctor and she told me to call Early Interventions here in PA, but they are giving me a run around between them and their 3 years + program and its really frustrating because I am trying everything I can to get him help with things I know he needs help with. I have wondered between MR and Autism because I always read about similar symptoms. Thank you though, but may I ask what ASD is?

by Amanda on Nov. 26, 2011 at 9:15 PM

Sounds like part of it might be that he's frustrated since he cannot communicate well. I don't have any answers since we don't have those issues, so good luck. Hope someone can help.

by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 8:24 AM

Hi I also live in PA Amber--they have a program for birth to 3 yrs--are they going to put Zachary in that??  How close is he to 3 yrs?

Yes my son had tons of behavior issues (adopted him older) due to him unable to communicate (has cerebral palsy, moderate MR, and technically non-verbal (he talks up a storm though)  and in a wheelchair----he is doing very well now--he has support (us and professionals)  and he uses talk box (communication device)  I taught him adaptive sign (due to his cerebral palsy--some of it is adapted) (because we did not have talk box initially--So I would be in our yard and work on a word and toss him ball-we did that for a good year (and still do it) My son also uses picture cards, picture books, story books (with related right to him--made for him) and we do a lot of visual games with him--

Hope you get the program started and a diagnosis and evaluation to help Zachary out soon--all the legality it is frustrating ---any questions or need support talk to me anytime--- 

by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 8:26 AM

Never mind-sorry you said he was almost 3--

also I use alot of things to help my son if he is overwhelmed--like stretching and different pillows, mats, music, regular books, certain music videos, things he really likes-incorporate that in the day-ball, flags, his pets etc--I have to get him back on the toilet but I can talk more that if you want me too

by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 9:49 AM

Amber, we all feel for you, since a lot of us has been there. And it has to be quite difficult and frustrating since you have 2 other young boys.

My first question, is do you have any support at home during the time that you have all 3 children.  It is not going to be an overnight fix, however, if you can seek some assistance either through friends, church members, family members who are willing to help with your other children? There may be services in your area to help at home, but my experience is that it is to help only with the child who has the needs. That is an option, that will give you some time to spend with your 2 other children.

Do you get any respite, because quickly, if you have not experienced this, you will become overwhelmed to where you will become exhausted trying to do it all. BEING A SUPER MOM IS NOT ALL IT IS CRACKED UP TO BE. And there is an innate inner self that tells us we have to do everything, including protecting others from our childs behaviors if it does not conform to what is expected from the quote "normal" children.

You have reached out here, but continue to reach out in the community. I had to learn how to ask for help, but it was years later, since I was so shy. If you can look for other ways that others can help and then ask for it specifically.

Example...on days that you have appointments...that will wear you down, is there someone who would be willing to prepare dinner for the family. Others will see that you need help, but they will be lost as to how they can help. Like, if you need some help, just to take all 3 to a park, since you probably have to focus on him for safety. If someone can go with you, and help with your other 2 children.

As for speaking, another parent responded with pictures, and communication devices. Definitely look into this. More speech things are available and less expensive that when my kids were that age. My daughter learned would only say 3 words and when she learned some new words, she would stop saying the ones she used to say. The Speech pathologist, taught me that using sign language, even though she was not deaf, can actually help them in gaining speech. The theory is that the part of the brain that is involved with learning sign language, is right next to the the part of the brain that deals with actual speech. So, basically because of the the increase in electrical impulses produced with use of sign language....those impulses can assist the adjacent areas of the brain, in this case his oral speech. This did work for my, and before you know it, once she learned about "more" in sign language....and a few other words, her speech increased.

You have 3 children, so what you teach to one, you can simply teach to them all. You can start out with basic ones, like eat, play, potty, the word more or wait, or stop. And teach these to anyone else who works with your children to keep the consistency. I am not saying to learn the whole sign language, you learn new words as you need them.

Not sure from your note, if you have sought out Speech pathology, OT therapy. They can also help with his diagnosis and helping you find ways to work with him. I have a feeling you have already done this.

You are probably right, Communication or lack of, generally does cause behaviors. Behaviors are a way of communicating. So, the mystery begins. You will learn more about him "his likes, his dislike, or you might start to see a pattern of behaviors associated with certain acitivities or circumstances.Then you can learn to modify things or make choices as to when to do things that will help to decrease the behaviors. 

However, structure and routines seem be one thing that they can thrive on, for most kids with a special needs. 

The picture system can be used to help set up a structure for him, so that he see with a visual picture of what is expected or  what is next to do. Speech therapy can greatly help in this area.

Have the doctors done the hearing test to see if the brain signals show he is hearing? Have you taken him into a neurologist. Because a childrens neurologist may be the one to order this type of test. I would talk to your ENT first, and they can maybe refer you to a Children's facility. 

I say all this, and realize that you may have head and done a lot of these things. I just know it takes time, a lot of time. You will develop patience, unlike you have ever known. You will also learn about your inner strength to keep going, when you feel like you have no more to give.

Please, take care of yourself. THIS IS KEY...Eat regular meals, healthy ones, drink lots of water, If you can get some respite, or a babysitter....take a break, several times a week. Got out with a friend, go out for date night, get a massage or pedicure, join a bible study. And get some sleep (8hr), because I bet you are already worn out. REMEMBER, if you don't take of yourself, you will have less ability to care for all of your kids. You will be more stressed and irritable. 

Forget the guilt. We all feel guilty when caring for our kids.( disregard the thoughts that come up, when it is stressful.....I think it is actually normal) It is tough, really tough. You are doing the best you can. When he has outbursts that just freak you out, take a deep breath, and do the best you can. If it is his hearing and if it is because of his lack of communication, think of it this way....for all the stress you feel about his bahaviors, think about how much more this little guys feels when he is trying to communicate and can't. You will eventually learn to step in his shoes to see what he is feeling, and what he is trying to say, and will see. 

Sorry, this is wordy. Probably not what you are looking for. I do feel for you.

Please pat yourself on the back, because you show your care and love to look for options and help. 

Laugh, look for the humor in some of it. You may not find the funny in it as it happens, but later you can look at it and laugh about some aspect of it. 

Oh the stories, some of us can share about some of our experiences. 

good luck.

by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 10:44 AM
I do not but I will be praying for you mama
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by on Nov. 27, 2011 at 3:00 PM

Yes, I do have help. There are many times where I have been home by myself with my boys, but both me and my fiance have to work seperate shifts in order to have some one always with the boys. I do have friends and family whom help when they can though which is to me greatly appreciated because with the tantrums I deal with on a daily basis it sometimes becomes overwhelming. Sometimes I find myself feeling guilty because I kinda go to work with a sigh of relief, but I do miss being around them when I am not, just the break is nice sometimes. I love him with everything just as much as I love my others but sometimes I wish there was more I could do.

He has gotten his ears checked and has had tubes put in them, but honestly since then it seems like things got much worse. It feels like he can't remember anything that he has been taught so e have to teach it all over again. Like I said, it just gets overwhelming.

I am trying to get him into an early interventions program to get his development tested again. When he was 25 months he had a test done that put him back to 12-15 months. ): I just want to know if its something serious this way I can make sure it doesn't get out of hand.

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