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This morning Elijah was looking in the fridge, and I was standing behind him looking the other way, and he made a gasping noise. Just one single, sharp intake of breath. The most benign meaningless sound in the world.

But it's the exact same sound he used to make with each seizure. There was no Head drop. No arm throw. No confusion, drooling, seizure like activity at all.

He is absolutely not having seizures.

But that noise just brought it all crashing back! I'm having a hard time catching my breath... Trying to get rid of the edge of panic in my stomach.

I'm so freaking damaged. This is beyond ridiculous! He's fine. I KNOW THAT.

You would think after nearly 28 months since his last brain surgery, my PTSD would calm down a little! But no... My kid breaths in too quickly, and I'm going to spend the rest of the day on the verge of a panic attack! Ugh..,, lol

Anyone else out there as damaged as me?
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by on May. 3, 2012 at 12:23 PM
Replies (11-19):
by Member on May. 4, 2012 at 7:22 AM
You should look into EMDR therapy. It's for post traumatic stress disorder ad can help move you past that reaction.
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by on May. 4, 2012 at 9:14 AM

Totally understand!! My DD has a severe heart condition requiring 3 surgeries by the age of 3. She has had one so far and her heart also is out of rhythm and she can go into episodes where her heart is out of control and dangerous to her. She has these times where she breaths loud and weird, almost like a hiccup sound but she is breathing. She did this in her sleep like last week and i have not been able to sleep sense. I am so scared and worried and the cardiologist say its nothing but still. She use to throw up real bad in the hospital and now its all coming back to me, just like you, and i cant sleep at night because I'm afraid as soon as i do , she will choke or wont be able to breath and i wont get to her in time. I totally understand your fear.

by on May. 4, 2012 at 9:30 AM
Awww hun I'm sorry I know how you feel though. Everytime Tristan makes a gagging noise I'm afraid he's going to throw up, which means he's probably backed up and I'm going to have to dilate and flush him. I can reassure you though that it does get better :)
by Ruby Member on May. 4, 2012 at 10:13 AM

oh yeah , PTSD damaged , just diff  with other issues

  hugs to ya

by on May. 4, 2012 at 10:14 AM

Hugs. I know when I watch my kiddo having a tic it kills me that I can't help him.

by on May. 4, 2012 at 12:04 PM

I'm pretty sure we are just as damaged as you :0)  I had to leave a CPR class the other day, in a complete melt down, when someone unsuspecting person shoved a baby mannequin under my nose.  Hopefully, in time these will lessen in their intensity and in their frequency.

by on May. 4, 2012 at 12:08 PM
We've never had to go through all that you have but there are things when he starts coughing afraid he'll aspirate again and it's another hospital stay. Or if something is going wrong I get myself in a panic about what to pack since we've had so many stays so far
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by on May. 4, 2012 at 12:20 PM

 It wasn't seizures for me, but asthma attacks that had him turning blue.  His asthma has been well controlled for almost 3 years now and I still find myself listening for his breath at night, and having to fight with myself when he starts panting during soccer.  At the first cough, I get tense. 

I think this is normal.  Hopefully it fades with time. 

by Elyssa on May. 4, 2012 at 3:59 PM
I love all of you ladies for understanding my craziness!!
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