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Raising Special Needs Kids Raising Special Needs Kids

We're beyond our witts ends

Posted by on May. 4, 2012 at 12:37 AM
  • 26 Replies
You all know we love Ty very much and we understand he has a lot going on, but this attitude and constant whining, crying, and screaming have got to stop!

He finds stuff to whine about! Tonight he wanted a drink and was in our bed. We gave it to him and he barely took a sip and was done. He whined and whined and whined for the last 30 minutes that he wanted us to go in there and put it on the nightstand next to him. The nightstand is the same level as the bed and right next to it and he puts his food and drinks there all the time! He can reach just fine! Other examples before this tube stuff are he will be laying in our bed with his blanky next to him and he will whine and cry until we go in and put it on him! Then he'll take it off and whine til we put it back! There are times he will refuse to eat unless we spoon feed it to him! He will whine he wants to play his game, we ask him if he wants to play it and he says no so we say ok and he throws a fit saying he wants it! He purposely refuses to do anything if we're ok with it! Like the game, we tell him he can play and then he throws a fit. He gets pissed over everything! Now he is refusing to leave the house! It started in the hospital, he refused to leave his room and then when he couldn't leave (needed meds, seeing drs, or waiting to go to a test or waiting for family to visit) he wanted to and would throw an all out fit. Monday afternoon he wouldn't stop whining over I don't know what, I had dh talk to him over the phone and dh asked him "are you gonna be a good boy?" and he said no and dh told him he needs to be and then we had to go to a test (he didn't know the test was coming cuz it was last minute and it was just a upper gi so he drank kool aide barium, he even liked it) and he screamed, cried, and whined and repeated over and over "I want daddy good boy" meaning he wanted to call daddy and have daddy ask him if he will be a good boy so he could say yes. Just before they came for the test I called dh back to let Ty do that but he threw a fit cuz he was getting what he wanted and then they took us to his test. He whined, cried, and screamed repeating the same phrase for 25 minutes! By the time we got to radiology I was a bawling mess. I had 3 hours of sleep and nothing I did or said could get him to stop and everyone kept staring at us or trying to figure out what was wrong but they didn't understand. Ty just keeps going! He will fixate on something for HOURS and scream, whine, and cry. We try to give it to him and he then says no and fixates on defying us no matter what.


We can't handle it anymore. No amount of ignoring, time outs, or giving in, NOTHING, stops it.
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by on May. 4, 2012 at 12:37 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Pukalani79
by on May. 4, 2012 at 1:20 AM

 ((HUGS)) I'm so sorry.  I can only imagine how frustrating that might be. Do you think it's some anxiety because of everything that's going on with him? That maybe he's acting out because he's scared? The constant attention he's demanding reinforces the fact and reassures him that you are there with him as he's going through this? I don't know. Just something that popped in my head as I read this.

Mipsy
by Chelle on May. 4, 2012 at 1:21 AM
He has now been screaming in his room for an hour saying "I wanna watch the movie" over and over. That's all he's saying. It was time for bed and we were sick of the whining about the sippy cup and told him if he didn't stop it was time for bed (not to mention 9 is his bed time anyway). We're going to bed cuz it's going on 10:30 and dh has to leave at 5am for work and he's still screaming. We try talking to him, asking him what's wrong, explaining it's bed time,explaining mom and dad are going night night too, ignoring him, nothing gets him to stop and all he says is "I wanna watch the movie"
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Mipsy
by Chelle on May. 4, 2012 at 1:26 AM
We do think he has some severe anxiety going on when it comes to leaving the house (or his hospital room). He screamed for 3 hours when we told him we were going to the store to get him batman stuff, new fish (others died while we were gone) and French fries (his favorite food and only 1 restaurant he can even have them at). He freaked. Finally 3 hours later he calmed down. Said he was ok to go. We start to leave and he freaks. He screamed for 30 minutes and we ended up coming back home and not able to get anywhere cuz he wouldn't stop flipping out. He was unbuckling his seat and trying to open the door (thank heavens for child locks). I called his dr cuz it's out of control but never heard back. We see gi tomorrow for follow up and I'm bringing it up.

Quoting Pukalani79:

 ((HUGS)) I'm so sorry.  I can only imagine how frustrating that might be. Do you think it's some anxiety because of everything that's going on with him? That maybe he's acting out because he's scared? The constant attention he's demanding reinforces the fact and reassures him that you are there with him as he's going through this? I don't know. Just something that popped in my head as I read this.

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ibsqueen2004
by on May. 4, 2012 at 1:40 AM
1 mom liked this

hey, you mentioned a tube and hospital visits (i'm not sure your whole story) so i'm assuming there are special needs involved. my son is adhd and mildly autistic. when he was that little, it was all about routine. I'm not sure how old your son is but make a schedule and put it somewhere he can easily see it. give him a list of his "big boy" chores so he knows what's expected. his "chores" can be getting himself dressed, covering himself with a blanket, putting his drink besides the bed, or not having a tantrum etc. he gets a star for doing that and then gets rewarded for so many stars. when  my son was little, we used pictures since he couldn't read and he loved it! it made him feel big. we had a nighttime chart to make sure he did everything. it had the shower, brush his teeth, put on clean pjs etc on it. i would help him with it but he would run over and point to make sure it was all finished, so it gave himt he control he craved. your son might be feeling out of control (with hospital visits and such), so creating a few charts and really structuring your day will probably help get him back on track. if your schedule is always changing, get a few velcro peices and make it interchangable. then he can even help plan your day and then he can visibly see what's going to happen.  the rewards don't have to be big either... you could do a quarter for every 10 stars and that quarter will add up too a toy or every 20 stars he gets to stay up late etc.it sounds silly but trust me it works. as far as the screaming itself, hang tough. don't worry about the other people looking at you. try to find what works for your son. invent a "lovely" for him to have when he's feeling upset. my son liked string so i got a soft rope unraveled it, hooked it to a D clip and clipped it to his jeans. it always helped him keep his hands to himself (he LOVES little girls' hair lol) and focus his energy. find (or make or buy) something that your son can use as a comfort item. might want to make it soft just in case he throws it. lol. it could be small and fit in his pocket or so big it needs it's own seatbelt. whatever works for him. as for calling dad, you can tie that into the charts. instead of calling dad for a pep talk or having him scream to call his dad, you can say "hey, let's show dad how many stars you can get today. won't he be surprised!" then it's positive and not reactive. hope this makes sense!

mandee1503
by Amanda on May. 4, 2012 at 2:25 AM
Omg that is my 4 year old. We take toys away. Tv shows, for screaming about nothing yelling no a drop of hot sauce on her tongue. Nothing works!! The only thing that comes remotely close to making her stop is dh spanking her. We've talk to the pedi and he just thinks she is starving for attention. I would need 40 hours in a day and 4 arms. I just can't help her and it's tearing us up to deal with it. *hugs* I completely understand. Hang in there momma.
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sayres
by on May. 4, 2012 at 6:12 AM
Your family is dealing with a lot right now. I think some of Ty's behavior might be caused by all that he is physically and emotionally going through and all that you and you dh are going through too. How do you disaplin Ty when he does something wrong? Do you use timeout? What ever you use I would try using it for whining. Also (and we did this for our ds) tell him you will not respond to him if he speaks to you in a whinny voice. When he is whinnying and throwing a fit don't give him what he is asking for. He will learn that to get what he wants he needs to behave and to control himself. This is hard!!! It might get worse before it gets better but if you are consistent it will get better. He needs consistentcy from you because so much is changing for him right now.
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Elyssa414
by Elyssa on May. 4, 2012 at 8:02 AM
Elijah was like that for years! It's so so hard!! The perseverating is the worst! Ugh

I'm so sorry.
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Mipsy
by Chelle on May. 4, 2012 at 10:33 AM
This is great, thank you! I think you're right, my son is craving control and I know with the hospital stays he sees he has no control. I feel horrible because he tells us we can't touch him or hold him down for an IV or do a test but we do it anyway. I'm sure he feels he's lost control and we've lost respect towards him. I'm totally going to do the chart. I've even got stuff to do it!

How should we handle hospital stays though? We try to give him enough opportunity to come to the decision on his own but at the end of the day, we have to do it (whatever it is, IV, meds, tests, etc) whether or not he's on board.


Quoting ibsqueen2004:

hey, you mentioned a tube and hospital visits (i'm not sure your whole story) so i'm assuming there are special needs involved. my son is adhd and mildly autistic. when he was that little, it was all about routine. I'm not sure how old your son is but make a schedule and put it somewhere he can easily see it. give him a list of his "big boy" chores so he knows what's expected. his "chores" can be getting himself dressed, covering himself with a blanket, putting his drink besides the bed, or not having a tantrum etc. he gets a star for doing that and then gets rewarded for so many stars. when  my son was little, we used pictures since he couldn't read and he loved it! it made him feel big. we had a nighttime chart to make sure he did everything. it had the shower, brush his teeth, put on clean pjs etc on it. i would help him with it but he would run over and point to make sure it was all finished, so it gave himt he control he craved. your son might be feeling out of control (with hospital visits and such), so creating a few charts and really structuring your day will probably help get him back on track. if your schedule is always changing, get a few velcro peices and make it interchangable. then he can even help plan your day and then he can visibly see what's going to happen.  the rewards don't have to be big either... you could do a quarter for every 10 stars and that quarter will add up too a toy or every 20 stars he gets to stay up late etc.it sounds silly but trust me it works. as far as the screaming itself, hang tough. don't worry about the other people looking at you. try to find what works for your son. invent a "lovely" for him to have when he's feeling upset. my son liked string so i got a soft rope unraveled it, hooked it to a D clip and clipped it to his jeans. it always helped him keep his hands to himself (he LOVES little girls' hair lol) and focus his energy. find (or make or buy) something that your son can use as a comfort item. might want to make it soft just in case he throws it. lol. it could be small and fit in his pocket or so big it needs it's own seatbelt. whatever works for him. as for calling dad, you can tie that into the charts. instead of calling dad for a pep talk or having him scream to call his dad, you can say "hey, let's show dad how many stars you can get today. won't he be surprised!" then it's positive and not reactive. hope this makes sense!

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Mipsy
by Chelle on May. 4, 2012 at 10:42 AM
At least I have friends here who understand. Thats why I came here :) *hugs*

I have to say though, spanking doesn't even phase Ty. And it's the absolute least resort and only when he does really bad things. We're not huge spankers in our house, I hate it. But we do use time outs especially when the screaming doesn't stop.

The thing is give him 10 minutes (ok, more like half an hour) to be by himself and actually think about his actions, he gets a grip on himself. But only he can calm himself down. It's like he gets to a point where he can't stop. So he has to either go to his room or stand in the corner (and it has to be quiet) until he can pull himself together. A lot of the time he won't leave his room or corner even if time out is up until he feels he is ready and has calmed down.

Then there are other times where not even he can calm himself down and he's hysterically out of control. I think I need to record these for the drs, it's just too much.


Quoting mandee1503:

Omg that is my 4 year old. We take toys away. Tv shows, for screaming about nothing yelling no a drop of hot sauce on her tongue. Nothing works!! The only thing that comes remotely close to making her stop is dh spanking her. We've talk to the pedi and he just thinks she is starving for attention. I would need 40 hours in a day and 4 arms. I just can't help her and it's tearing us up to deal with it. *hugs* I completely understand. Hang in there momma.
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Mipsy
by Chelle on May. 4, 2012 at 10:47 AM
Lol, I partially responded to you when quoting mandee's reply. No brain function today! We use a corner for time outs and occasionally his room if it gets out of control.

I admit, we do give in a lot because we are just beyond our witts ends and nothing will stop him. Typically by that point not even giving in works though.

But having encouragement to endure and stay consistent helps! And I feel awful about the changes. Like I said to another mom in this post, I feel bad because I bet Ty feels he's lost control over his body and we do what we want no matter what he says. I know he has to feel violated. I dunno how to change that though, some things HAVE to happen (like IV, tests, drs checking him, etc).


Quoting sayres:

Your family is dealing with a lot right now. I think some of Ty's behavior might be caused by all that he is physically and emotionally going through and all that you and you dh are going through too. How do you disaplin Ty when he does something wrong? Do you use timeout? What ever you use I would try using it for whining. Also (and we did this for our ds) tell him you will not respond to him if he speaks to you in a whinny voice. When he is whinnying and throwing a fit don't give him what he is asking for. He will learn that to get what he wants he needs to behave and to control himself. This is hard!!! It might get worse before it gets better but if you are consistent it will get better. He needs consistentcy from you because so much is changing for him right now.
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