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Raising Special Needs Kids Raising Special Needs Kids

spanking

Posted by on May. 19, 2012 at 10:53 AM
  • 15 Replies

 This is embarrassing to me, but I am having issues with my husband right now. He has spanked my son ( who is high functioning, but on the autism spectrum) and I am not sure if this is effective. I am going to see his specialist on thursday, and I am not sure what to expect. What do you think?

by on May. 19, 2012 at 10:53 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Elyssa414
by Elyssa on May. 19, 2012 at 10:58 AM
I do not spank any of my kids, but my opinion is that it is especially ineffective in kids with SN... I don't know about high functioning autism, but I know my SN son would not understand being hit or frightened in any way. He would just think, oh- if I don't like something I should hit! That's what Daddy does!
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sunfireprincess
by on May. 19, 2012 at 11:04 AM

 exactly!! I have tried telling my husband this and he wil NOT listen! I even asked my son one day do you undertand why you are being punished and he said no!! I just do not know how to discipline effectively...time out in his room is not working!

Quoting Elyssa414:

I do not spank any of my kids, but my opinion is that it is especially ineffective in kids with SN... I don't know about high functioning autism, but I know my SN son would not understand being hit or frightened in any way. He would just think, oh- if I don't like something I should hit! That's what Daddy does!

 

Elyssa414
by Elyssa on May. 19, 2012 at 11:12 AM
3 moms liked this
I try hard to find logical consequences- if you are banging you head, you have to wear your helmet. If you hit, you have to sit on your hands until you are under control, if you throw a toy it gets taken away... Etc... I also try hard to have a lot of positive rewards. My 5 year old recently threw a huge tantrum and I took away ALL of his toys. For the last week he has been working really hard to earn them back- one piece at a time. We have done star chart where they earn stars towards a specific prize, and if they're having a really hard time the stars can be given for the simplest thing- "you said that without whining!!! Good job!" lol (it helps to have a picture of the prize they are working for to remind them why they want to be good, whether it's a trip to Red Robin or a toy. Also, Social stories have really been helping my SN 10 year old with things that set him off. Google social stories!! :)
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sunfireprincess
by on May. 19, 2012 at 12:00 PM

 thanks for the tips :)

Quoting Elyssa414:

I try hard to find logical consequences- if you are banging you head, you have to wear your helmet. If you hit, you have to sit on your hands until you are under control, if you throw a toy it gets taken away... Etc... I also try hard to have a lot of positive rewards. My 5 year old recently threw a huge tantrum and I took away ALL of his toys. For the last week he has been working really hard to earn them back- one piece at a time. We have done star chart where they earn stars towards a specific prize, and if they're having a really hard time the stars can be given for the simplest thing- "you said that without whining!!! Good job!" lol (it helps to have a picture of the prize they are working for to remind them why they want to be good, whether it's a trip to Red Robin or a toy. Also, Social stories have really been helping my SN 10 year old with things that set him off. Google social stories!! :)

 

girl_incognito
by on May. 19, 2012 at 1:45 PM
1 mom liked this

I have a son with Aspergers, and we did spank, but it did not work! I was raised this way so I thought it was the only way to punish. But it'a not. You have to get creative with punishments when it comes to these types of kids

I love the idea of incentive charts. You can use points or stars. Choose a few behaviors that you want to improve upon, and each time the child does the desired behavior they get a point or star. Then when  they accumulate their "goal" you give them a prize. Works so well with my son. That way I am not giving short term rewards (which do him no good, once he is given a reward he goes back to misbehaving) So when he has a longer term goal it works so much better! Of course you have to have consquences as well, but spanking just doesn't do the trick. Finding something the really love and taking it away and making them earn it back also works.

girl_incognito
by on May. 19, 2012 at 1:48 PM

YES! Social stories are fantastic tools. My son does social skills group in school everyday. it has helped him so much!

Quoting Elyssa414:

I try hard to find logical consequences- if you are banging you head, you have to wear your helmet. If you hit, you have to sit on your hands until you are under control, if you throw a toy it gets taken away... Etc... I also try hard to have a lot of positive rewards. My 5 year old recently threw a huge tantrum and I took away ALL of his toys. For the last week he has been working really hard to earn them back- one piece at a time. We have done star chart where they earn stars towards a specific prize, and if they're having a really hard time the stars can be given for the simplest thing- "you said that without whining!!! Good job!" lol (it helps to have a picture of the prize they are working for to remind them why they want to be good, whether it's a trip to Red Robin or a toy. Also, Social stories have really been helping my SN 10 year old with things that set him off. Google social stories!! :)


DragonMommieND
by on May. 19, 2012 at 5:19 PM
When we tried spanking as a last resort all it did was fuel his anger and rage. He would hit me because he thought I was wrong. Which is what spanking really teaches. Now we take his favorite toys away as punishment. He has to behave for however long to earn it back.
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darbyakeep45
by Darby on May. 19, 2012 at 8:27 PM

I completely agree and have the same view point on spanking as well!

Quoting Elyssa414:

I do not spank any of my kids, but my opinion is that it is especially ineffective in kids with SN... I don't know about high functioning autism, but I know my SN son would not understand being hit or frightened in any way. He would just think, oh- if I don't like something I should hit! That's what Daddy does!


darbyakeep45
by Darby on May. 19, 2012 at 8:27 PM

Love these ideas...thanks SO much for sharing!  You're an awesome mom!

Quoting Elyssa414:

I try hard to find logical consequences- if you are banging you head, you have to wear your helmet. If you hit, you have to sit on your hands until you are under control, if you throw a toy it gets taken away... Etc... I also try hard to have a lot of positive rewards. My 5 year old recently threw a huge tantrum and I took away ALL of his toys. For the last week he has been working really hard to earn them back- one piece at a time. We have done star chart where they earn stars towards a specific prize, and if they're having a really hard time the stars can be given for the simplest thing- "you said that without whining!!! Good job!" lol (it helps to have a picture of the prize they are working for to remind them why they want to be good, whether it's a trip to Red Robin or a toy. Also, Social stories have really been helping my SN 10 year old with things that set him off. Google social stories!! :)


sammygrl77
by on May. 19, 2012 at 10:04 PM
1 mom liked this
Everyone else had great suggestions.

I just wanted to say, I was a spanker with my oldest child and it worked for her. 12 years later when I had the twins, my parenting evolved and I found out there are better ways. It took me lots of trial and error with my youngest, but I finally found something that works. Getting my dh on board was more difficult than implementing a new method. Once he saw how out worked he was more open to it. Hes slowly coming around.
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