Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Be Honest, why won't you watch our five year old (PIOG)

Posted by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 11:59 AM
  • 23 Replies

Is it because he has food allergies and you are scared to feed him, even though I will bring all his food?

Is it because he has gastro issues and may have a bowel movement that you may have to help him clean up?

Is it because he is autistic and you don't want to take the time to get to know him and his special ways?

Is it because he has ADHD and sometimes needs to run around outside to get some of his energy out?

Is it because you just don't like me, and you don't want to see my marriage last?

These are some of the questions I want to ask both of our families.  We have not had a date since our youngest was about 8 months.  When we found out about his food allergies, they started making excuses.  Me and my husband don't go out, we don't celebrate our anniversary, our birthdays, New Year's, anything just us.  We had our oldest at 16, and never had a newlywed stage.  It hurts, and I UNDERSTAND the reasons WHY they won't watch him, but they make comments, like "You need a break, you could use a mommy make over, kids definitely can take a toll on you."  But anytime we ask them to watch our kids, they come up with the same excuses.  It just hurts.  I get jealous of seeing all these grandparents/aunts/uncles taking care of their nieces, nephews, grandkids for the parents.  

Just venting!  

by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 11:59 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 12:11 PM

I completely understand!!! My family wouldn't watch my 2 DDs after my divorce because I was divorced! Now I am remarried and they won't watch my DS (who is 7 months old) because he has a feeding tube. Everyone watches everyone else's kids.... I've even watched my nieces/nephews.... but no one will watch my 'child with special needs'. My family however, never say I need a break... they say that I gave up having a break when I had a 'child with problems.' Vent away!!!! It just might make you feel better!

by Amanda on Jan. 1, 2013 at 12:23 PM

*hugs* could you maybe hire someone? A friends teenage daughter? I hope you are able to get a break. We don't get to go out too often either. My grandma offers, but she is in her 80's. My mom is always harder to get to comply. Sometimes we just need breaks. Not only as parents, but as special needs parents.

by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 12:26 PM

I completely understand. We got 2-3 hours to ourselves the day after christmas cause my inlaws watched out son for the first time ever. But my family will NOT watch our son cause they say he needs to be potty trained and walk on his own. Their loss. The only time hubby and I get a break now is when our son is in school and we have a lunch date.

by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 1:18 PM

 I know you are frustrated and need some time, but before you jump to the conclusion that this has to do with your child ... think about what you are asking. Maybe it has NOTHING to do with your child and rather the insecurities of family members in being able to handle the child or their special needs. Maybe they are fearful that something would happen to your child and they would not know how to handle it and be blamed for not making the right choice? Maybe...their refusal is out of fear of their own inability to ensure the safety of this child. I'm not trying to pacify or justify their actions...but just saying that maybe it is deeper than it appears.  

I am 49 years old. I have 7 children 4 of which my dh and I adopted. 3 of the 4 children adopted have special needs. My husband and I adopted our first dd 10 years ago. We have not had one day/night alone since that time. It was our choice to adopt a sn's child. We know it was not the choice of our families so therefore we have taken all the responsibility. If we want a few hours to ourselves...we hire competent people and pay them to care for our children. We still have only left for a few hours at a time. Its been hard and at times I feel like I've lost who we once were, but I also know, I've also given my children something they've never

by Ruby Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 1:21 PM

 i hear ya

by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 2:40 PM

Understand! Love my family-but all my nieces and nephews are watched but no one will watch my son-

by Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 2:42 PM
Hugs!!! That must be tough! Is there respite care around your area? I know where I am there is a facility you can drop you sn child off at for a few hours or even overnight and they have trained aids that will come to your home if you want so you can have a break- go out or just take a nap. I've never used it but I know people that have and they think it's great.
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 3:32 PM

I think you should ask them the same questions you just vented about.

Start the new year with clean air, so to speak.

by Lisa on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:05 PM

 I am so right there with you my hubby & I never get a break EVER!! My hubby's mom is 75 so she can only watch him for short periods of time but his sister can watch him she just won't there are times when we have caught her in lies about keeping the kids her daughter has three children & they practically live there all 3 have SN by the way but whenever we ask she always has some exuse why she can't take him!

by Michele on Jan. 1, 2013 at 4:16 PM
Huge hugs! We are blessed with wonderful family who help us a lot and I know how blessed we are for that. I really feel for you that you don't have that. :(
Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)