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Raising Special Needs Kids Raising Special Needs Kids

Anyone choose to have more children after having one with special needs?

Posted by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 9:10 PM
  • 21 Replies

I have two children.  A 9 year old who is severe with his diagnoses.  A 4 year old with very mild needs.  We had always said we'd have 3 children.  I find myself feeling like this is another part of our "plan" that is being altered if we don't try for #3.

I'm getting older and feel, if we are going to try for another, we need to get started.  Some family members always make comments when my oldest is having a bad day that it is a good thing we only have 2.  My mother tried to talk me into a tubal after our youngest.  I know a pregnancy would take time for others to come around and support us.  We know that there is a 50/50 chance our next child could have special needs (because our two have a genetic diagnosis that was passed on from my husband) 

I thought I could come to terms with being done at 2, but I still feel someone is missing in our family.  I don't want to regret not having that 3rd child.  Anyone choose to have more children?  Especially if one has severe needs?

by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 9:10 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Bl3ss3dMommi
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 9:16 PM
My oldest is 8 she is my most special child then i have 2 boys with little issues and had another dd that passed at 25 weeks from what they think was a heart related issue. My dh and i are gonna try one more time starting in April. I also feel like you and i figure if the next one is special then its just that in so awesome God chose me once again for one of his angels here on earth. It is just part of the plan.
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Marti123
by Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 11:02 PM
1 mom liked this

I do not envy your decision, it's so very hard, and only you know what is right for your family.

I do not have a severely disabled child. I have 2 boys with a very  mild genetic syndrome that affects their peripheral vision. My second one's condition is worse than my first and has resulted in torticollis and he required surgery. He was a little developmentally delayed in infancy and toddlerhood and is also higher needs in the behavior department, with no official diagnosis, but ODD, PDD and bipolar tratis have been used, but he is so young, age 3, they are not diagnosing that.

I wanted a 3rd child, for a while, but as DS2 required so much extra time and effort. I finally realized our family needed to be done and focus on the blessing we had. I mourned "the loss" of my originally planned family; really I grieved and cried and everything. But months went by and life moved on and I became happy with my decision & plans............................................ but the story doesn't end,  oops, now I am now 7 weeks pregnant, scared, upset, and honestly devastated. Everyone we tell, has this awkward non-verbal like "WTF were they thinking?" and they say things like, "wow, were you trying?" or "that is so surprising, what are you going to do?"

It's very upsetting to know you don't really have full friend and family support, so I can really appreciate your delimma. good luck with your decision.

levsenmommy
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 11:13 PM

We had slight issues with family when I got pregnant with our second, because we knew then there was a 50/50 that he would have the genetic issue.  It is a little harder to do this again.   It will have to be where we don't say anything to anyone we know until we are already pregnanct.

While I think it would be easier (at this point in time for me) to become pregnant by surprise so I can say it is a surprise, I can't imagine coming to terms with the decision to not have anymore and being content with it and then finding out I'm pregnant.  Though, I imagine we will hear a lot of the comments you hear and I know we won't have 100% support no matter what if we proceed.

I wish you all the luck and good health with the unexpected pregnancy.  If we have a 3rd, I know the pregnancy will be a lot like my pregnancy with #2.  Worrying nonstop if he too will have the genetic issue, waiting for the test results when he was 3 months old to find out he did have it and then early intervention and such trying to get him as far along as we can.  It was exhausting, but I can't imagine my life without him.


Quoting Marti123:

I do not envy your decision, it's so very hard, and only you know what is right for your family.

I do not have a severely disabled child. I have 2 boys with a very  mild genetic syndrome that affects their peripheral vision. My second one's condition is worse than my first and has resulted in torticollis and he required surgery. He was a little developmentally delayed in infancy and toddlerhood and is also higher needs in the behavior department, with no official diagnosis, but ODD, PDD and bipolar tratis have been used, but he is so young, age 3, they are not diagnosing that.

I wanted a 3rd child, for a while, but as DS2 required so much extra time and effort. I finally realized our family needed to be done and focus on the blessing we had. I mourned "the loss" of my originally planned family; really I grieved and cried and everything. But months went by and life moved on and I became happy with my decision & plans............................................ but the story doesn't end,  oops, now I am now 7 weeks pregnant, scared, upset, and honestly devastated. Everyone we tell, has this awkward non-verbal like "WTF were they thinking?" and they say things like, "wow, were you trying?" or "that is so surprising, what are you going to do?"

It's very upsetting to know you don't really have full friend and family support, so I can really appreciate your delimma. good luck with your decision.



mommy4lyf
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 11:31 PM

I am not brave enough to take another chance. I admire you all who have more than one child with special needs.

darbyakeep45
by Darby on Feb. 10, 2013 at 8:20 AM

Hugs mama!  It's not an easy decision to make, but it's one that only you and your spouse can make.  We have one child...he's 4 years old with Cystic Fibrosis, Autism, Aarskog Syndrome, 16p Chromosome Duplication, Gastroentesis, Asthma, and Brain Damage/Abnormalities.  We thought and prayed about it for almost 3 years before deciding for certain we didn't want anymore children.  My husband took care of that last summer:)  

N.Carter2001
by Silver Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:41 AM

My family not happy when I 1st got pregnant cause my boyfriend has hsp that it's a 50/ 50 that the baby would get it. Our son did get it. So he can't walk. And after his 4birthday we found out he has autism. My family not happy about me having a 2nd child. A risk he could have hsp  and maybe autism.  His baby brother is doing great. no hsp and no autism and he teaching his big brother to talk. In April they will be 5 and 2 years old.

mandee1503
by Amanda on Feb. 10, 2013 at 11:51 AM

We are talking about it right now. We have a 5 year old, and a 2 year old. Our 2 year old is our special needs guy. I'm nervous about the next one having anything go wrong, but I really don't want that fear to hold us back, and keep us from having another wonderful child.

babyluv23
by Bronze Member on Feb. 10, 2013 at 5:05 PM
I just had my baby girl. My son is the eldest with special needs..my daughter is normal thankfully nothing is wrong with her health. I would like to have 1 more.......depending on our financial situation. Maybe in 4 years.
JasmineJoy
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 6:43 PM

That's a difficult decision to make. My daughter has cerebral hypoplasia, blindness, scoliosis and hypotonia. She's a lot to take care of on her own but I really want three kids. Right now I'm pregnant with my second and so far everything is going great. 

willysmama
by on Feb. 10, 2013 at 8:06 PM

we are currently trying to have another

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