We saw our pediatric physical therapist last week. He is developmentally delayed and is hypertonic. We have a neurological appointment in a couple of weeks. She did say that while he's doing so very well, his muscle tone could get worse but he'll be seen once a week for the time being and bump it up if necessary.
I am so scared. And I know this isn't about me so why do I feel so yucky about this? There are a few things that I am certain of. For instance, I know that in the end Lincoln is going to move on from this with what is, to him, a normal life. So why do I cry every time I talk to someone about it? Or read anything about it? I mean, I think people would call me a hot mess really. Another example is that I know Lincoln is going to meet these milestones at some point with whatever help he needs but why do I get so sick at my stomach when I see his little friends his age zooming around and sitting up with absolutely no help? I was fine the first week. I think I was riding a huge high of "told ya so" because I have spent the last 3 months telling hisdoctor that I felt like something was wrong but she has dismissed everything I've brought up to her. So we switch to an amazing doctor and got him the referrals that he needed and a few day after that, it hit me. What have I done to cause this? I know I can't go there but how can I not? I grew his brain. Now I would never label a mother at fault for their children's disabilities so why can't I cut myself a break?
Sorry for ranting. I guess I just need some uplifting advice. For me personally? For me, as his advocate? How to deal with people who just make it awkward because they don't know what to say? Lol I don't even know the questions to ask his neuro. Any suggestions are absolutely appreciated.