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Raising Special Needs Kids Raising Special Needs Kids

getting him out the door

Posted by on Mar. 22, 2013 at 11:15 PM
  • 11 Replies
Can anybody help me? My son has spd and I'm beyond frustrated. I'm a punctual person but with him I cannot make it anywhere on time. I can start getting him ready at 9 am to go somewhere at 3 pm and he just gets distracted and we are still late. It's that bad!
I've tried a schedule for getting ready but it didn't help. Anytime I tell him to do something he finds something else to do then says "but I'm busy doing this right now." It's terrible! And I'm spending all day trying to get him to do a few simple tasks then he complains he didn't get time to play. Well if it hadn't taken you forever to do it you would have had time!
Same with his schoolwork. It took him a full hour this morning to write one word in his journal. Normally he's done with journal and math in that amount of time!
Then he gets mad because he misses out. He missed out on the school Easter egg hunt the other day and he was all upset but he sure didn't learn anything from it! He insists they were mean and should have waited despite him being the one who didn't listen and was late.
Any tips to get him moving?
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by on Mar. 22, 2013 at 11:15 PM
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Replies (1-10):
letstalk747
by Joy on Mar. 24, 2013 at 3:20 PM

my son was on  concerta med that helped all these issues

SamMom912
by Silver Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 3:42 PM

It seems like you tried talking to him (since he thought they should have waited).
its hard. I think our kids, with their emotional and social delays are egocentric longer. Typically like a 3 year old. I give tons and tons of warnings about when we have to leave... and also the natural concequence when we dont leave (not an imposed concequence, because I figured out that punsihing my son for something he has difficulty with from a developmental point of view was pointless. If he cant do it.. reward and punishment dont work). But the warnings of "we are going to head out in 30 minutes to go to the egg hunt."... we are going to leave in 15 minutes to go to the egg hunt. I know its important to you, so, we will need to leave then, remember, they arent going to wait".... and then another reminder at 5 minutes.
Sometimes this works for my son, sometimes he will ask for another 5 minutes. If I can be flexible, I do give it to him, if we cant... I remind him that this is NOT one of the times I can be flexible... so we do have to go. It REALLY has taught my son a little more flexibility in HIS exepectations (how his day is going, what he is doing) I sometimes have to remind him that whatever it is he is doing WILL be there when he gets home.
I think the hard thing is the switching gears for our kids... transitional times are really tough. Its good to walk the firm line with the time, but honestly, I found reward and punishment never worked.

JasonsMom2007
by Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 4:02 PM
1 mom liked this
That's just it. Rewards and punishment just don't work. I'm always giving him warnings with how much longer he has left before we have to leave and exactly where we are going but it's not working anymore. I try natural consequences (him missing things when he won't get ready) but they just don't seem to click either.
And I don't want to even try to punish him for things he simply cannot handle. The world doesn't wait for him though so it's hard.
So nice to see I'm not alone. I'm really struggling recently with how to give him what he needs without depriving my daughter who is ready in no time and standing by the door ready to go. I'm struggling with how to give my daughter a wonderful, typical childhood with surprises, fun, and sometime just saying "you know what we aren't doing this today let's just go have fun" when my son can't handle deviating from his schedule and routine. And I'm struggling with letting him stick to his schedule and routines vs encouraging flexibility. I'm just feeling so alone and like no matter what I do it won't be the right thing.


Quoting SamMom912:

It seems like you tried talking to him (since he thought they should have waited).
its hard. I think our kids, with their emotional and social delays are egocentric longer. Typically like a 3 year old. I give tons and tons of warnings about when we have to leave... and also the natural concequence when we dont leave (not an imposed concequence, because I figured out that punsihing my son for something he has difficulty with from a developmental point of view was pointless. If he cant do it.. reward and punishment dont work). But the warnings of "we are going to head out in 30 minutes to go to the egg hunt."... we are going to leave in 15 minutes to go to the egg hunt. I know its important to you, so, we will need to leave then, remember, they arent going to wait".... and then another reminder at 5 minutes.
Sometimes this works for my son, sometimes he will ask for another 5 minutes. If I can be flexible, I do give it to him, if we cant... I remind him that this is NOT one of the times I can be flexible... so we do have to go. It REALLY has taught my son a little more flexibility in HIS exepectations (how his day is going, what he is doing) I sometimes have to remind him that whatever it is he is doing WILL be there when he gets home.
I think the hard thing is the switching gears for our kids... transitional times are really tough. Its good to walk the firm line with the time, but honestly, I found reward and punishment never worked.


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Bluecalm
by Silver Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 4:36 PM
My son is 5 and we have those days. Seems the more I try to rush him the slower he goes. Alot of mornings I just dress him myself. Thursday was bad. He kept having meltdowns stressed about his Easter party and worried we hadn't sent everything in.I was running into my school as the bell rang. Thank goodness for understanding bosses!
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SamMom912
by Silver Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 5:09 PM

Dr green, who wrote the expolsive child,  talks about how our kids have thses lagging skills. Things like transitions, self regulation, frustration, adaptability, are deficits for them...and its as if they have a kearning disability in thes areas (and a few more) he has a whole list- on his website livesinthebalance.org - that is called the ALSUP... My son has a lot of these lagging skills, that make life difficult for him and me. I know my son wants to leave the house, but transitions are so hard, there have been days that i have to physically put him in the car while he is kicking and screaming, its no fun. 

I use to gove concequences for this behavior, since, as we all have learned, reward good behavior, and concequences for bad.. But it never made a difference. I had so many OMG AHA moments while reading dr.greens books and watching his videos in his website that ive begun implementing his suggestions. A few things have worked, and a few things we havent get gotten to.. But i know the only way my son will get better is if i help to teach him these lagging skiils. But it hard getting to the root of the issues with him. But, together, we will. 

Hugs mom. I know youve been through a lot with your son... Lots of drs, losts of tests... The thing I like about Dr Greene is that the dx makes no difference... 

JasonsMom2007
by Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 7:08 PM

Thanks I will read that next


Quoting SamMom912:

Dr green, who wrote the expolsive child,  talks about how our kids have thses lagging skills. Things like transitions, self regulation, frustration, adaptability, are deficits for them...and its as if they have a kearning disability in thes areas (and a few more) he has a whole list- on his website livesinthebalance.org - that is called the ALSUP... My son has a lot of these lagging skills, that make life difficult for him and me. I know my son wants to leave the house, but transitions are so hard, there have been days that i have to physically put him in the car while he is kicking and screaming, its no fun. 

I use to gove concequences for this behavior, since, as we all have learned, reward good behavior, and concequences for bad.. But it never made a difference. I had so many OMG AHA moments while reading dr.greens books and watching his videos in his website that ive begun implementing his suggestions. A few things have worked, and a few things we havent get gotten to.. But i know the only way my son will get better is if i help to teach him these lagging skiils. But it hard getting to the root of the issues with him. But, together, we will. 

Hugs mom. I know youve been through a lot with your son... Lots of drs, losts of tests... The thing I like about Dr Greene is that the dx makes no difference... 




Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs in my field, since the payment is pure love.  ~Mildred B. Vermont
sammygrl77
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 10:11 PM
(((Hugs)))

I used a timer with my oldest. I've heard suggestions of using a timer to play beat the clock, but that never worked for her. For her I had to be direct and forceful (though I hate that word because it sounds harsh). I used it for how much time she had to stay on task and how nuch time she had to get a task done.

She was always a kid that could not be given too much time to get ready. If I woke her up with plenty of time to get ready, she would dawdle and end up being late. To this day, at 18 years old, she has to get up late and rush.
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JasonsMom2007
by Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 10:17 PM
So what did you do if she didn't stay on task and wasn't done when the timer went off?
He tends to worry so much about time being up when there is a timer that he doesn't get anything done. It's so important to learn to be punctual but it's so hard to teach him it seems!


Quoting sammygrl77:

(((Hugs)))



I used a timer with my oldest. I've heard suggestions of using a timer to play beat the clock, but that never worked for her. For her I had to be direct and forceful (though I hate that word because it sounds harsh). I used it for how much time she had to stay on task and how nuch time she had to get a task done.



She was always a kid that could not be given too much time to get ready. If I woke her up with plenty of time to get ready, she would dawdle and end up being late. To this day, at 18 years old, she has to get up late and rush.

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JasonsMom2007
by Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 10:20 PM
And thanks ladies. I'm hoping to try some of these ideas to help him. Other groups are like "be the adult if he won't get dressed pin him down and dress him." Yeah I'm pretty sure humiliation and physical restraint isn't going to teach him how to get out the door on time. I'm more concerned with him learning the skill than us being late.
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sammygrl77
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 10:33 PM
I did constant reminders in the beginning. A whole lot of "focus", "put your pants on", "now your shirt" and a lot of step by step instructions on cleaning. If she didn't get things done at the end, she would have consequences. If her homework wasn't done, she would not get to play. If it wasn't done by bedtime, she would have to hand it in incomplete. If her room wasn't picked up, her stuff in on the floor would be put in a garbage bag. If she wasn't ready for school, she would go as she was in her pj's or hair not brushed; though that only happened once or twice.

Giving her the bare minimum time was the best for getting out the door. Staying on task has always been tough for her. She still does that, especially in conversation. And I still say Focus to her. Lol.




Quoting JasonsMom2007:

So what did you do if she didn't stay on task and wasn't done when the timer went off?

He tends to worry so much about time being up when there is a timer that he doesn't get anything done. It's so important to learn to be punctual but it's so hard to teach him it seems!




Quoting sammygrl77:

(((Hugs)))





I used a timer with my oldest. I've heard suggestions of using a timer to play beat the clock, but that never worked for her. For her I had to be direct and forceful (though I hate that word because it sounds harsh). I used it for how much time she had to stay on task and how nuch time she had to get a task done.





She was always a kid that could not be given too much time to get ready. If I woke her up with plenty of time to get ready, she would dawdle and end up being late. To this day, at 18 years old, she has to get up late and rush.


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