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I feel like I can't take it anymore.

Posted by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 8:04 PM
  • 21 Replies

My son is 6 and has autism and everyday is a struggle. I feel like I'm failing as a mother. sometimes I just have to ignore him, go in my room and cry. The older he gets the worst his behaviors are. He is just easily angered. I'm not sure what to do about it. I instantly get extremely mad like I can't control my emotions anymore. I try to be a good mother but there is always SOMETHING. For instance, it was 80 degrees today. Yay, awesome. I picked Kaleb up from school and planned this great day of going home and playing outside then getting icecream. He loves icecream so this was a treat. So I get home and we get his bike and scooter out. I'm on his scooter and he is riding his bike. When we get to the other side of the apartment complex he stops because he wants to go to the park. Ok fine, I knew once he saw the kids he would want to play by them (he doesn't play directly). After about 30 minutes at the park I ask him if he is ready to get ice. He signs icecream to me and runs to his bike. As we are coming back around to my side of the complex he rode his bike down the ramp into the parking lot. Ok again, he's a boy they do things like that. I told him "Kaleb you can't ride in the parking lot because it's dangerous, bring your bike back on the sidewalk".. He didn't budge. So I repeated it in a calm voice. Still didn't move. Then I got a stern voice and said " I want you to bring your bike up here now".He proceeds to roll the bike in a circle a couple of times so I went and grabbed it and put it on the sidewalk. Well he throws a tantrum and goes and kick someone's car. He does this ALL THE TIME and idk how to stop it. I get so furious and frustrated with him. All I want is to have a good day. No matter how hard I try it just doesn't happen. I've tried therapy for myself but I didn't like the therapist. He is also in ABA therapy, while that has helped his communication tremendously it has not helped his behavior at home. I try to work with his therapists and they give me ideas but most of the time they don't work. I'm just fed up and this is a vent basically.

    

by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 8:04 PM
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Replies (1-10):
letstalk747
by Ruby Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 8:36 PM

 i hear ya , huggggs

mstricey
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 8:46 PM

Thank you. Just need to talk to some people who may understand. I have no idea how to effectively discipline him. How do you discipline a child that functions mentally on the level of an 18 month old? He understands very little receptive language. He has some signs he uses. I feel like he understands more and acts like he doesn't. He also does not care about time out, doesn't understand the idea of stickers and charts, he doesnt play with toys or watch much tv at all so he couldnt care less about having anything taken away. spankings don't work for him at all. It just makes him more angry. 


Quoting letstalk747:

 i hear ya , huggggs


 

    

crazymenmomma
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 8:47 PM
I know the feeling my 5 yr old is asd and ADHD we have some days when I can't hold it together I scream and cry like a crazed lady. I think it's probably normal. I want to control my anger but can't always bottle it up. My son doesn't talk much either and I think this makes matters worse. But I truly believe one day the tantrums will stop. Hopefully. I don't know about ur son but mine is calmer at school with less and milder tantrums. I think the strict structure helps. If nothing else at least there are other people out there going through the same things. And talking with other people in similar situations helps. Hang in there
mstricey
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 8:53 PM

 Thank you. I just feel so withdrawn and disconnected from him sometimes. He is my only child and I never imagined I could feel this way about my child. 


Quoting crazymenmomma:

I know the feeling my 5 yr old is asd and ADHD we have some days when I can't hold it together I scream and cry like a crazed lady. I think it's probably normal. I want to control my anger but can't always bottle it up. My son doesn't talk much either and I think this makes matters worse. But I truly believe one day the tantrums will stop. Hopefully. I don't know about ur son but mine is calmer at school with less and milder tantrums. I think the strict structure helps. If nothing else at least there are other people out there going through the same things. And talking with other people in similar situations helps. Hang in there


 

    

crazymenmomma
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:01 PM
I have two other sons besides my big guy. It is very hard some times. Luckily my 2 1/2 yr old has been awesome to his big brother. He has been the best therapist of all. Unfortunately the younger one does pick up some of the bad behaviors just from observing his big bro. I never thought in a million years I would have an autistic son. Bit u get what u get I must have been ment to be. I think he is here to help me / is view the world differently. Or at least it helps me cope to think that way. I get down at times but if you have sowe one to talk with it definately helps. This group ws a big help. There doesn't seem to be a lot of community support where I live and my friend s don't understand since their kids don't have problems. I guess it is just a one day at a time journey.
SamMom912
by Silver Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 9:44 PM
1 mom liked this

Ok, so your adding fuel to the fire... Do you know that? 

When your son starts to lose control you need to be soothing and calm... And not firm and demanding. 

You BOTH cant be firm and demanding at the same time. It doesnt work! Im not syaing any of this to be mean at all, but more like - listen up! Here is the mistake you keep making with your challenging child! 

Our kids have difficulty with transitions, problem solving, empathy, frustration tolerance. They DONT like direct orders... And every time you tap into a skill they dont have - KABOOM! Challenging behavior! 

Meltdowns are actually Reliable and predictable.. And can be avoided! 

Let me give you the guide book to our kids... And a website that will bring you closer to your son and help you feel in control. "the explosive child" byDr Ross  Greene... The website www.livesinthebalance.org please, i beg you- check it out.. Its free... Its HELPFUL! It will make you understand your son... And have the two fo you working together in no time building a relationship and having more fun together. 

Dont get me wrong.. It takes a lot to make this book/ theory work.. But it is worth it. 

My son is also 6, explosive,, and 6 months ago I found this book and it blew my mind! By page 10 i could not put it down... It was the guide book to the mystery that was my kid. Who would push me to the edge.. Tantruming myself... 

mstricey
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 10:09 PM
1 mom liked this

Actually I do know that. I thought it was clear in my post that I know what I'm doing is not effective. I know you're trying to help and I thank you for the advice on the book. At this point I am at a boiling point myself. As I said I have sought therapy so I do realize I need to change some things about myself. In the past 2 years I have been diagnosed with chronic depression, anxiety and now chronic dysrhythmias. So things have definitely taken a toll on my health. I'm also a full time student and I work so that adds to it. The stress is killing me and I have zero coping abilities anymore. Again I am working on myself. I will definitely check out the book though.

I've had his therapists, his doctor, my family and friends all say how good of a mother I am. How much I fight for him and they don't know how I do it. I know we all get that all the time but little do they know that I'm on the brink of madness.


Quoting SamMom912:

Ok, so your adding fuel to the fire... Do you know that? 

When your son starts to lose control you need to be soothing and calm... And not firm and demanding. 

You BOTH cant be firm and demanding at the same time. It doesnt work! Im not syaing any of this to be mean at all, but more like - listen up! Here is the mistake you keep making with your challenging child! 

Our kids have difficulty with transitions, problem solving, empathy, frustration tolerance. They DONT like direct orders... And every time you tap into a skill they dont have - KABOOM! Challenging behavior! 

Meltdowns are actually Reliable and predictable.. And can be avoided! 

Let me give you the guide book to our kids... And a website that will bring you closer to your son and help you feel in control. "the explosive child" byDr Ross  Greene... The website www.livesinthebalance.org please, i beg you- check it out.. Its free... Its HELPFUL! It will make you understand your son... And have the two fo you working together in no time building a relationship and having more fun together. 

Dont get me wrong.. It takes a lot to make this book/ theory work.. But it is worth it. 

My son is also 6, explosive,, and 6 months ago I found this book and it blew my mind! By page 10 i could not put it down... It was the guide book to the mystery that was my kid. Who would push me to the edge.. Tantruming myself... 


 

    

SamMom912
by Silver Member on Apr. 9, 2013 at 10:15 PM


Omg i did not mean to imply at all that you are not a good mom... Not at all.. Good moms dont post or feel frustrated.. Or vent.. They dont give a .... Lol

I completely understand what it is to have a lot on our plate.. AND a challenging child.. And those moments when things are going sooo well (like this wonderful afternoon you and your son were having) until... The kaboom- explosion. 

I did not mean to infer at all that you need to work on yourself at all... Mstricey, our kids are F ING HARD! Lol.. Typical parenting, traditional thinking -all the things we are taught to believe about kids and their behavior... Just doesnt apply. And i was telling you the below- and offering up the book and website so YOU can feel better. You sound so lost, so frustrated... And I have been in your shoes... And The book and website were a life line! I have never felt so hopeful as i felt reading that book and watching the flash videos on his website. 

I just wanted to bring you hope. 

Quoting mstricey:

Actually I do know that. I thought it was clear in my post that I know what I'm doing is not effective. I know you're trying to help and I thank you for the advice on the book. At this point I am at a boiling point myself. As I said I have sought therapy so I do realize I need to change some things about myself. In the past 2 years I have been diagnosed with chronic depression, anxiety and now chronic dysrhythmias. So things have definitely taken a toll on my health. I'm also a full time student and I work so that adds to it. The stress is killing me and I have zero coping abilities anymore. Again I am working on myself. I will definitely check out the book though.

I've had his therapists, his doctor, my family and friends all say how good of a mother I am. How much I fight for him and they don't know how I do it. I know we all get that all the time but little do they know that I'm on the brink of madness.


Quoting SamMom912:

Ok, so your adding fuel to the fire... Do you know that? 

When your son starts to lose control you need to be soothing and calm... And not firm and demanding. 

You BOTH cant be firm and demanding at the same time. It doesnt work! Im not syaing any of this to be mean at all, but more like - listen up! Here is the mistake you keep making with your challenging child! 

Our kids have difficulty with transitions, problem solving, empathy, frustration tolerance. They DONT like direct orders... And every time you tap into a skill they dont have - KABOOM! Challenging behavior! 

Meltdowns are actually Reliable and predictable.. And can be avoided! 

Let me give you the guide book to our kids... And a website that will bring you closer to your son and help you feel in control. "the explosive child" byDr Ross  Greene... The website www.livesinthebalance.org please, i beg you- check it out.. Its free... Its HELPFUL! It will make you understand your son... And have the two fo you working together in no time building a relationship and having more fun together. 

Dont get me wrong.. It takes a lot to make this book/ theory work.. But it is worth it. 

My son is also 6, explosive,, and 6 months ago I found this book and it blew my mind! By page 10 i could not put it down... It was the guide book to the mystery that was my kid. Who would push me to the edge.. Tantruming myself... 





AMDS0304
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 10:20 PM
Totally understand mine isn't autistic and it really doesn't compare I'm sure. He has ODD, SPD and learning disabilities. With the ODD he's behavior is like you describe with your son and to be frank it's just easy to lose your shit some days.. There's days I just give up cause I can't take anymore his twin is also ODD and they drive me nuts he's worse then her tho.
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lifeisajoy
by on Apr. 9, 2013 at 10:22 PM

hugs mama and I will respond more when I am more awake-my son 20 years old but developmentally on the same age level you state and so I will talk further with you tomorrow

hugs mama

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