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Raising Special Needs Kids Raising Special Needs Kids

I need advice on how to discuss issues with my teen.

Posted by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 7:05 PM
  • 8 Replies

 This morning my step son who is chronologically 15 years old, (maturity level of a 7 year old) was caught watching adult material online!   I am at a loss and my husband and I aren`t sure how to approach this situation.

 I do not want to shame him, since I understand he is having the same natural urges as most 15 year old boys. But at the same time, he understands that this is very much unacceptable. I know he knew he was doing wrong because he was sneaking and tried to hide what he was doing.

If anyone else has any advice I would very much appreciate it.

by on Apr. 26, 2013 at 7:05 PM
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Replies (1-8):
mandee1503
by Amanda on Apr. 26, 2013 at 7:40 PM

I'd put parental controls on all devices first. Then just talk to him, and maybe give him a light punishment as this is the first time. Maybe loss of the computer for a week. Just keep a close eye then from now on. 

arkansasmama08
by Gold Member on Apr. 27, 2013 at 4:55 AM
I wouldn't necessarily punish him. He's 15 and if this was his first time, then just talk to him. Ask him why he was trying to hide it. Tell him that kind of material is not allowed in your home and he doesn't need to be viewing it. I agree with the other poster about putting parental blocks up, but know that if he really wants it, he'll find another way. Are you a religious family or just don't want your kid watching that?
darbyakeep45
by Darby on Apr. 27, 2013 at 6:49 AM

Yes, put parental controls on there fast mama!  Then I would just talk to him...see what he was doing, why he was doing it, etc.  Hugs and good luck!

aaanarae
by on Apr. 27, 2013 at 1:21 PM

Parental blocks...check!

  We are not a "religious family".   He has only lived with us for 8 months and so I`m not sure if this is a first occurance. (It may have been acceptable at his mother`s)  This is just the first time he has been caught at our house.    Like I said, he is physically 15...but he has a learning and other mental health disabilities. His social skills are that of a 4 year old...but in general his intelectual capabilities are equal to that of a 7 year old....So even though he "is" 15 it is kind of like catching a 7 year old watching porn.   In my opinion, when he is older and has his own computer and pays for the internet himself he can watch this stuff if he really wants...but to me...it just feels like he is a kids watching things far beyond appropriate for his capasity.

He has been in trouble numerous times at school this year for sexually inappropriate behaviors. He does not understand what is ok and not ok and I think that while his body is full of hormones that are telling him to watch this stuff, he is also going through the mental stage where he is curious about the opposite gender`s body....but it is a difficult subject since I can`t say for sure.

I can say that up until he moved in with us, he was exposed to many things like this in Vegas that were at or surpassed his age level, (which is far beyond his maturity level).   His mother has not answered the phone, so I haven`t been able to figure out if this happened there....or if this was acceptable there....I know she has taken him to movies like "Gamer" which are much too graphic for his level, and buys him Rap music where every other word is fowl and allowed him to watch music videos where you can see everything the girls have....

So now where do I go from here?     In my house these things are not acceptable. I have a 10 and 4 year old whom live here too!

DDDaysh
by on Apr. 27, 2013 at 3:01 PM

This isn't going to stop.  You need to fact that right now.  You're not going to be able to stop him from attempting to get to porn and from masturbating.  You might think he is mentally 7, but he is hormonally 15, so it's even MORE impossible to get him to stop than it would be for a normal 15-year-old.  What you've really got to do is try to just help him learn "acceptable time and place".  Clearly, the family computer is NOT an acceptable time and place.  

My mother freaked out when my oldest brother started doing this.  She tried every method of discipline imaginable.  It never stopped.  I can't tell you how many underwear catalogs she'd find hidden away, or how many times the computer had to be de-virussed because of things he'd pick up looking for porn.  

Finally she talked to some other parents at Special Olympics and found out how normal this was.  When she stopped freaking out so much and focussed on things like, "Do that in the bathroom" it got a little better.  But...  really...  it didn't stop until he basically grew out of it.  

cutiesexy66
by on Apr. 27, 2013 at 7:22 PM
Well I have a 15 year old who is on the same mental level as your son and he was trying to look at porn on the internet. We blocked all computers. At that point we thought it was over we went to move into another house and got a cable bill for 500.00 thanks to him ordering movies at 3 am when we thought he was sleep. Well I couldn't figure out how he did it when everything had blocks.?????? We found out he tripped the TVs by flicking the light switch on and off until it rest the TV Lol........wanted to hang him when we found out how he done it.but I say just watch him as close as u can good luck


Quoting aaanarae:

Parental blocks...check!

  We are not a "religious family".   He has only lived with us for 8 months and so I`m not sure if this is a first occurance. (It may have been acceptable at his mother`s)  This is just the first time he has been caught at our house.    Like I said, he is physically 15...but he has a learning and other mental health disabilities. His social skills are that of a 4 year old...but in general his intelectual capabilities are equal to that of a 7 year old....So even though he "is" 15 it is kind of like catching a 7 year old watching porn.   In my opinion, when he is older and has his own computer and pays for the internet himself he can watch this stuff if he really wants...but to me...it just feels like he is a kids watching things far beyond appropriate for his capasity.

He has been in trouble numerous times at school this year for sexually inappropriate behaviors. He does not understand what is ok and not ok and I think that while his body is full of hormones that are telling him to watch this stuff, he is also going through the mental stage where he is curious about the opposite gender`s body....but it is a difficult subject since I can`t say for sure.

I can say that up until he moved in with us, he was exposed to many things like this in Vegas that were at or surpassed his age level, (which is far beyond his maturity level).   His mother has not answered the phone, so I haven`t been able to figure out if this happened there....or if this was acceptable there....I know she has taken him to movies like "Gamer" which are much too graphic for his level, and buys him Rap music where every other word is fowl and allowed him to watch music videos where you can see everything the girls have....

So now where do I go from here?     In my house these things are not acceptable. I have a 10 and 4 year old whom live here too!


RobinChristine
by on Apr. 27, 2013 at 11:37 PM

Thor has never ordered porn,he has discovered himself. We tell him do that  YOUR bedroom only. That way if he ever a guest he will not do it there . We did not say bathroom because  to kids like Thor a BR is a BR,meaning church,school,home,..... it is a BR. Thor is now physically 17 but mentally 5-6. it is hard when the teen hormones rage but the mind id not understanding

aaanarae
by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 9:45 AM

Thank you for your replies,


    

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