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Struggling with my special needs SD. PIOG (long)

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 When DH and I started dating I knew that his ex fling was pregnant and it was a strong possibility that it was his child.  Fast forward and 14 months after child was born and we had a child together we finally get paternity test back and SD is indeed his child.  So we talk w/bio mom and introduce SD into our family. We hadn't wanted to do this before hand because of other kids and just in-case SD wasn't his we didn't want any one to be hurt.

SD is a huge part of our lives (well mine) for the next 2 years. I try to help BM out all the time when BM is working nights etc. We didn't want to just be "weekend warriors." But DH and SD never really bonded that well when she was young she was very attached to me.  When SD was 3 1/2 yrs old BM decides to move 16 hours away to try to better here life.  DH let her go without ever going to courts to get visitation established. BM promises communication will stay open.  SD gets to come out for a visit in the summer for 2 months.  Then after that visit BM's communication starts to fail with little to no contact or returned contact.  She would finally contact us after threats of court proceedings etc. and give us false hope ...well this went on for a little more than a year.  Until one day BM posts something telling on FB, and I start to investigate and find out SD has been taken into state custody and we have 3 days to get there for court hearing.

FWD to present.  DH works out of state and I am taking care of 5 children alone now. other than the 1 week a month he is home. It has been 7 months and SD has been living with us. She is now 6 years old and is cognitively slow I guess you could say.  When she got here her anxiety was through the roof and she was considered obese. However, BM had never gotten SD any help (even though we started that process when she was 3 ........with belief that BM would carry through when she moved.)  SD has now settled in and has lost 20 lbs part of that is because she went through a spurt of growing taller she is as tall as my 10 yr old.  Her anxiety is leveled out and I have gotten her tested with the school. Her IQ when she got her was 60 and when they tested her she was just above that. However, she has never really been diagnosed.  She has some autistic tendencies, but not really. So they think that drug use during pregnancy?  Anyhow this is getting long but I am SOOOOOO overwhelmed!!!  She has very poor social skills and when we are in public purposely acts like a baby. She likes to play with toddlers because I believe that is where she really is on their level.  The other children are having a VERY hard time adjusting and on top of it all I work full time!  I feel like all my attention goes to her and I am sure that is how the other children feel as well and start to resent her for it! Like last night for instance I was at my son's baseball game and SD is trying to take toys from baby next to us, trying to take his bottle, trying to sit on the mom's lap etc. so I missed 3/4 of my son's game because all of my attention was on her.  BM has recently told DH that she just wants visitation and wants us to keep SD because there is no longer a case with the state. It was dismissed in January.  When I try to explain to DH that I am stressed to the max he thinks I am blaming SD for it and being rude. Because he financially takes care of my kids from previous marriage. But I was thrown into having 4 kids to adding another with special needs full time on my own!!!! I  try to get help with babysitters etc. so I can take some "me time" but it is very hard in this rural area to find someone that knows how to handle her behavior appropriately. I just need some encouragement and any helpful suggestions. Sorry this was so long!

TIA~ extremeley stressed out mom

by on Jun. 28, 2013 at 3:09 PM
Replies (11-12):
by on Jul. 1, 2013 at 1:16 AM

Welcome! I would look into  a developmental  MD and your local DD(Developmentaly Delayed) agency.Also call your community 211 and see what resources are available.

by on Jul. 5, 2013 at 2:06 PM

 Thank you all for being so supportive!!! Today and the week has been much better! I am going to look at getting more resources and getting to see a specialist!  I will keep everyone updated! Thank you! :)

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