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Raising Special Needs Kids Raising Special Needs Kids

What age do kids know wrong from right and understand consequences?

Posted by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 10:34 AM
  • 13 Replies
Jeremiah is 3 and still doesn't seem to get it. He doesn't seem to be able to connect what he did to why he's in timeout. And sometimes he expects a punishment when he didnt do anything wrong at all. Seems like he should be getting this by now doesn't it?
by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 10:34 AM
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Momof4AEMW
by Gold Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 11:02 AM
1 mom liked this

I don't think it is linked to age specifically, but more to their developmental level, mental capacity, and disability challenges.

I say this because my NT son (now 10) probably learned this between around age 2.  But of my almost 5 year old triplets, only 1 has the concept she did something wrong, but can not always tell you why she got the time out. The 2nd often thinks his sensory issue outbursts are naughty and says he's sorry after them (which we tell him is not something to be sorry for, just something we are working on learning to control), but then does not think it is naughty to throw a ball or toy directly at someone's face to play 'catch' when the other person does not know they are playing catch.  And the third has no clue at all right from wrong or what punishment means.

I think you have to interpret as a whole what your child's awareness/understanding level is to determine if they are yet capable of understanding punishment.  It doesn't mean you don't still give time outs or such for wrong behavior, it just means it may take them longer to understand the concept.

jjamom
by Michele on Jul. 10, 2013 at 11:34 AM
I think it varies from child to child. Even more so if the child has SN.
Mipsy
by Chelle on Jul. 10, 2013 at 12:34 PM
Ty is 5 and still can't connect the dots between getting in trouble and why. I can't honestly tell you why. It's extremely frustrating.
mandee1503
by Amanda on Jul. 10, 2013 at 12:36 PM
It varies, and when the child is sn it depends on their development. Just hang in there and keep trying.
arkansasmama08
by Gold Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 1:31 PM
Yes it is! I can't look away from him for a minute. He puts this in his mouth, rips paper (including books), constantly gets into the other kids' stuff, puts food up his nose, and on and on. I just can't seem to find this kid's button!


Quoting Mipsy:

Ty is 5 and still can't connect the dots between getting in trouble and why. I can't honestly tell you why. It's extremely frustrating.

Elyssa414
by Elyssa on Jul. 10, 2013 at 1:50 PM
It depends so much! Elijah still has a hard time with action and consequence- Lion has virtually no concept (ages 11 and 9). Liam understood what he should and shouldn't do by 18mos and has always been extremely empathetic, and therefor treats everyone nicely. He's never really needed a time out. Galen is 22 mos, and doesn't know or care about right and wrong or time outs or anything. :)
letstalk747
by Joy on Jul. 10, 2013 at 6:36 PM

my ASD son -13 still dont- as he gets older it gets better tho , its a independant thing depending on the individual NT or SPED

MomOfOneCoolKid
by Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 9:21 PM

I'd say, let him get it on his own timetable.

If he doesn't seem to understand, i'd say redirect and avoid.

If he is getting in trouble b/c he keeps throwing water over the tub, say "oh no" and take him out of the tub.

If he is "getting in trouble" b/c he keeps.... get him out of the situation as much as possible.

Think of his maturity -- not necessarily his intellect -- as that of a 1 to 1 1/2 yr old.

My son is four and I tell myself this all the time (in my son's case 2 to 2 1/2 yr old)

Linagma03
by Gold Member on Jul. 11, 2013 at 1:32 AM

Lina is 9 and it seems like she has gone backwards. I used to be able to tell her she did wrong and that was all it took she understood and didn't do it again for a long time, she was also more emotionally sensitive then she is now. Now I tell her she did wrong she just says shes sorry & won't do it again then does it again. She doesn't get the concept anymore of do something bad, get in trouble equals don't do it again. She has been getting time outs for her behavior and no sooner does she get out of time out then she is back to doing that samething or something else that she knows she isn't supposed to do.  


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darbyakeep45
by Darby on Jul. 11, 2013 at 10:09 AM

These ladies are right...it all depends.  

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