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Raising Special Needs Kids Raising Special Needs Kids

Discouraged :(

Posted by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 4:18 PM
  • 17 Replies
I cannot tell you ladies how many times I've been told I am the cause of my children's behavior, and it happened again today. It seems like I cannot do anything right to make these people happy. I don't know how to get through to them that you simply cannot treat an autistic child the same way you would treat a normal (sorry) child. For example, my oldest has no frustration tolerance whatsoever. If we're working on handwriting and his letter doesn't come out the way he wants it to, he'll get mad and throw his book or pencil across the room. Do I punish him? No. I give him a break, wait till he's calm, and then have him pick it up and we get back to work. I will not punish my children for reactions or behavior that is outside their ability to control. Now if they're mean or flat out disobedient, absolutely I'll take care of it. That was their choice to act that way and there are consequences.
I just don't understand. Am I too easy on them? Do I let too much slide or demand too little? Most others around us think I'm too hard! I just can't seem to please anyone and I'm really starting to feel like a failure
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 4:18 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mommy4lyf
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 4:51 PM
I am sorry you're feeling that way. First, try to ignore the negative people around you, family, friends or acquaintances. They will just bring you down and you feel bad about everything. Trust me, that's what I did so I can focus on my son.

My son used to throw stuff when he's frustrated. I slap his hand every time till he stops doing it and slam the door instead. I told him if he slams his door again, I will take his nintendo for a day and he tested the water. I took it for a day and he never slammed his door anymore.

Discipline him while still young. It will be hard when he's as tall as you and a lot bigger.

Please don't take me wrong. I am not saying you don't discipline him. Just keep on correcting his behavior while you can.

sadiebug1228
by on Jul. 24, 2013 at 4:58 PM
I don't think ur too hard on him. Even tho Sadie is still little she gets frustrated and throws tantrums. I do discipline her a little but for the most part I take her away from the situation and then wait til she calms down. It seems to help but every kid is different and Sadie is still a baby. But when she gets mad and tries to hurt me or throw something I do pop her hand and say no
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darbyakeep45
by Darby on Jul. 24, 2013 at 5:13 PM

Hugs mama!  It is hard at times, and I know just how you feel!  

mandee1503
by Amanda on Jul. 24, 2013 at 6:09 PM
*hugs*
letstalk747
by Joy on Jul. 24, 2013 at 9:05 PM

i know how you feel , just glad you see the diff of NT  and not NT-neuro typical-  as we know most others dont

arkansasmama08
by Gold Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 10:15 PM
I do discipline, trust me. It just seems counter productive to discipline something he can't control. I'm not going to punish him for having a meltdown. I'm not going to punish him for reacting to sensory overload. Same with the other 2. He will be 7 in a few days, but it's like dealing with a 4 year old emotionally. And Maggie and Jeremiah don't respond to reward or punishment at all, though I do it anyway to stay consistent. It's hard and I'm doing the best I can. I just wish more people would understand that :(
Bluecalm
by Silver Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 11:15 PM
Who told you today? At the appointment?
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arkansasmama08
by Gold Member on Jul. 24, 2013 at 11:41 PM
Sadly yes. Our behaviorist. Out of all the people we e worked with thru the school/co-op, she's been my favorite. So it kinda hurt :(


Quoting Bluecalm:

Who told you today? At the appointment?

Bluecalm
by Silver Member on Jul. 25, 2013 at 8:05 AM
What exactly did she say?


Quoting arkansasmama08:

Sadly yes. Our behaviorist. Out of all the people we e worked with thru the school/co-op, she's been my favorite. So it kinda hurt :(




Quoting Bluecalm:

Who told you today? At the appointment?


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arkansasmama08
by Gold Member on Jul. 25, 2013 at 10:57 AM
I'll give you the nutshell version.
She was telling me that even tho we homeschool we can still get services through the school. I told her I was told the opposite and that zack had been out of therapy for over a year because the school had told me he couldn't get anything. I told her at this point I would rather get their services through ssi because of the way we've been treated. How I've been told that I'm causing their behaviors and they're normal kids and that I'm allowing them to misbehave. How if I tell them no and be more firm they would stop throwing fits.
Now I like this lady. She's always been kind to me and the kids and been honest and blunt with us, which I appreciate. So, I know she didnt mean to be hurtful in her response. She said that my kids aren't normal kids and they do have a lot to deal with. But, they would be doing better if I didn't encourage their misbehavior.
Honestly, I don't think I do. I'm not perfect in any sense so I'm sure there's times I've let things go when I shouldn't have but what pare t hasn't. I discipline when they really are misbehaving. I do all I can to keep them on an even keel so we don't get the sensory outbursts. Even zacks drs said they didn't think he had any behavioral issues unrelated to his autism and that we were doing a good job with him.



Quoting Bluecalm:

What exactly did she say?




Quoting arkansasmama08:

Sadly yes. Our behaviorist. Out of all the people we e worked with thru the school/co-op, she's been my favorite. So it kinda hurt :(






Quoting Bluecalm:

Who told you today? At the appointment?



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