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Feel like a horrible mom...

Posted by on Aug. 4, 2013 at 2:05 PM
  • 5 Replies
Hi everyone ive only posted here once before and that was when we were still unsure about what was wrong with my daughter, well now we finally have answers, she is 10 months old and has failure to thrive, severe gerd, devolpmental delays, seizures, sensory processing disorder, and possible cp... As far as her health wise she has actually been doing better and we havent been hospitalized in a little over a month!! But heres my problem... I also have a 3 1/2 year old little girl. She is the best big sister in the world and so smart for her age (sometimes i think too smart) i try so hard to be there for her too especially knowing how much attention my youngest gets and so far we havent had the jealousy or anything from her but even with spending as much time with her as possible i still feel like the worst mother ever... I feel like shes not getting enough but i dont know how to do anymore... Anyone else ever feel like this? How do u handle it??
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by on Aug. 4, 2013 at 2:05 PM
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by Gold Member on Aug. 4, 2013 at 2:49 PM
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I have 3 kids, all in the autism spectrum. Fact is mama, kids are a lot smarter and understanding than we like to give them credit for. I know a baby with sn takes more time and energy. But I guarantee you still do things with your little girl. You tuck her in at night, read her stories, watch cartoons with her. She'll be ok hun. I think a lot of times our guilt is self induced. If she's not acting out or being mean to you or the baby, or just going crazy to get your attention, than I think you're doing a good job :). Hang In there. I know it's tough, but you're doing great
by Michele on Aug. 4, 2013 at 4:00 PM
Yes, I have been there. My youngest was born with Down syndrome and was re-hospitalized twice in the first month of life and multiple times until about 3 years of age. My other two kids were 4 and 7 1/2 when he was born. They loved him SO much and seemed to handle it all well, but I know it was tough on them, not just when he was hospitalized, but with all of the therapies he had. I tried to carve out special time for them, even if it was a few mins or a 1/2 hour, doing something they really liked or making them a special treat. A few times I was able to take them out and we'd have a Mommy and Me lunch and movie, shopping, a trip to the park. It was hard, especially when I was breast feeding to be gone too long, because even if I left a bottle I had pumped, I would need to pump or become engorged. It really is a balancing act! But, I am sure that any time and attention you give her will make her feel special and important. Hang in there, it does get somewhat easier!
by Amanda on Aug. 4, 2013 at 5:07 PM
My 5 year old tends to get a little less attention then her brother. Her daddy and other family members help make up for it. They try their hardest to always be there and do things with her when I can't. She's starting school this month so that should help.

Have you looked into a play group or preschool for her? Maybe being with other kids her age will help her.
by Gold Member on Aug. 4, 2013 at 5:12 PM

Yes, I can understand that.  I have 4 children, 3 of which are special needs, so in reality, none of them get enough attention, ever.  I'm so busy being their advocate, nurse, doctor, medical supplier, therapist, teacher, referee, etc that I feel like I rarely get to just be there mom, just play with them, have fun with them, etc.  But in reality, they need all those roles I play on a daily basis to be done for them and to be done by me.  I know each is happy, loved, healthy (relatively), fed, groomed (most days), and safe.  Since most things that would need to change for our day to ease up are out of my control, I just don't dwell on it.  I have enough stress in our life without me putting extra guilt and pressure on myself for what is out of my control.  Instead I focus on what I am getting done for them, knowing there is no one else that would do it, knowing it is needed, and in the long run should provide them value at becoming the healthiest, happiest, most productive version of themselves that they can be. 

Your daughters will be fine.  Grab some extra time for one or the other here, there, or whenever you can fit it in.  As you said your oldest is not noticing there is an issue so you must be doing enough to meet her needs from you.  Don't be so hard on yourself.  Your only 10 months in with 2 kids and have typical newborn issues on top of all the new diagnosis you've added to your life.  Cut yourself a break on this one.  They have a great mom and will be just fine.

by Ruby Member on Aug. 4, 2013 at 7:52 PM

welcome , im joy ,

 i hear ya

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