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Raising Special Needs Kids Raising Special Needs Kids

leaving him home by himself

Posted by on Oct. 24, 2013 at 1:53 AM
  • 11 Replies

I'm not sure where to post this. I'm not sure if I should post this in the moms with teens group or if I should post in here so I'm hoping I find someone who can offer some ideas.

Tonights fighting was all about how I don't trust him and he's 14 he doesn't need a babysitter and he should be allowed to be home alone etc etc etc. 

However. I know he's self harming. I know he's attempted suicide in the past. He is unstable and he admits that. His meds are evened out yet. He's been suicidal this past summer. and I feel like some of his issues from his past are bothering him more lately because he's been having a lot more nightmares and anxiety.

so I don't let him stay home alone. I don't let him come home after school if I'm at work. He is supposed to go to his moms unless he goes to a friends house. He generally abides by these expectations. I think he doesn't mind going to his moms because her boyfriend has a lot of video games... but he also hates going to his moms out most of the time because they don't get along very well. but I have no where else for him to be if he doesn't want to go to a friends or if no one can hang out. We dont have any other family around that is available at that time and I have to work :/ 

I'm just frustrated because I want to trust him and let him be a normal teenager and not need a "babysitter" but honestly how can I do that? this post was mainly to vent about the fighting tonight, because I have no one else to vent to except you ladies :(

thanks for reading. suggestions and advice welcome

by on Oct. 24, 2013 at 1:53 AM
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Replies (1-10):
raysma07
by Bronze Member on Oct. 24, 2013 at 8:30 AM
2 moms liked this

I would say you have to do what your instincts say to do and if not leaving him alone is what you feel then you don't I would rather him be mad then something happen. He will get over it .

darbyakeep45
by Darby on Oct. 24, 2013 at 9:22 AM

Hugs mama!

samtatum145
by on Oct. 24, 2013 at 9:30 AM
3 moms liked this

Look at the bright side- 14 is a hard age for any parent. There will generally be SOMETHING for him to be angry about. So at least in this, you're keeping him safe. When he is older and his condition has gotten better with maturity and self-regulation, he'll look back and think that no matter how angry he got at you- you did what was right by him, to keep him safe.

Good work, and good luck!

arkansasmama08
by Gold Member on Oct. 24, 2013 at 9:48 AM
The others are right. His other issues aside, he is still a teenager. He's going to have to learn that you are going to have to make decisions that keep him safe, whether he likes it or not.

does your area have any afterschool programs or sports he can get into? Maybe a Big Brother program?
JOEJULA
by Member on Oct. 24, 2013 at 10:48 AM

Has he ever been hospitalized, or in a out patient treatment program. Sounds like he needs alot of intervention right now.

letstalk747
by Joy on Oct. 24, 2013 at 1:22 PM

myself i would say to him exactly this -  when i know for sure myself you are not self harming   , suicidal , -and what ever else you might add to these- i will think about you ''not needing a sitter'' you have to prove this to me -------------- then i still wouldnt leave him alone .

 im sorry to ask does he need to be in a lock down facility- as im sure you know self harm and suicidal aint NO JOKE

AllyB_
by on Oct. 24, 2013 at 2:22 PM


Yes he has been. Not since I have known him but he has several times in the past. We have discussed it but he really doesn't want to go, he hates the hospital. I told him last resort, or if he attempts suicide or gets close to it then theres no question. As for the self harm, I don't want to put him through more stress of being int he hospital and missing school and all of that

Quoting JOEJULA:

Has he ever been hospitalized, or in a out patient treatment program. Sounds like he needs alot of intervention right now.



AllyB_
by on Oct. 24, 2013 at 2:24 PM


His therapist knows about the self harm and she hasn't suggestd putting him in the hospital for it. If he was getting suicidal I would. This summer we almost did. He hates the hospital and really doesn't want to go. of course if it gets really bad it won't be his choice

Quoting letstalk747:

myself i would say to him exactly this -  when i know for sure myself you are not self harming   , suicidal , -and what ever else you might add to these- i will think about you ''not needing a sitter'' you have to prove this to me -------------- then i still wouldnt leave him alone .

 im sorry to ask does he need to be in a lock down facility- as im sure you know self harm and suicidal aint NO JOKE



Linagma03
by Gold Member on Oct. 24, 2013 at 4:57 PM

Hang in there you're doing a great job with him! I know that part of him understands your concerns and the fact that with his behavior he does need someone around when you aren't able to be there. He is also a teenage boy and they can be a strange creature at times. I like what was said about explaining to him what it will take to be allowed to stay home alone. I would also add a time frame like he has to remain harm free for 6months, 8months or a year and then you'll know that he can be alone. He is in a bad place right now and like you I'd be worried about leaving him home alone for any length of time. 

I'm still hoping that his meds kick in soon and show some improvement for him. 

Good Luck to both of you!

WhiskeyGirl1980
by on Oct. 24, 2013 at 10:54 PM

You have to do what you feel is right in your heart. If that makes him mad, oh well. You want someone to look after him because you love him, not because you think he is a little kid and cant take care of himself. Maybe if you negotiate that if he attends some counseling for his anxiety and depression, you could build some trust in him and start leaving him home for short periods of time.

Maybe talk with him about his self harming and how badly it scares you that you might lose him. Sharing your love for him and expressing that you are only choosing this for him out of love is the only right thing to do. Have a calm conversation about it, and if it starts to heat up, stop the conversation. Tell him that when he wants to discuss your concerns about his staying home alone, you will be around to talk, and until that talk happens, nothing is going to change.

Most of all, give him an opportunity to earn your trust. Building his confidence is the best way to help him overcome his issues.

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