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Raising Special Needs Kids Raising Special Needs Kids

venting. 4 year old with bipolar

Posted by on Oct. 27, 2013 at 10:41 PM
  • 36 Replies

Went to target with my twins and my mom today. In the little cafe they had cookie samples and I offered the boys each one and Matty said "no I want to look at them" So I said, there isn't anything to look at, see, they're just these cookies in cups and he started getting whiney and angry and said "no I want a cookie" and I told him, these are the cookies do you want one yes or no and he started yelling at me. 

I think what happened is that he heard cookie and thought he was going to get a real, whole, chocolate chip cookie. so we left the cafe area because he said no to the cookie and we started into the store and he just started with his fit. so my mom tries to take him to the food and buy him cookies but I stopped her and I said, no he's throwing a fit he isn't goin to get cookies and so he just kept up with it the whole time we were in the store. so we go to check out and I decide to take him to the car and I have to carry him out kicking and screaming and put him in the car. He was starting to calm down but when my mom got to the car with his twin he started in again, but more intense. I think this is because he knows my mom gives him whatever he wants if he screams because she doesn't want to listen to it. but I already said no cookie so I can't give in at this point so I figure lets just wait it out. that is what i HAVE to do with his fits. i have to wait until he's done, there isn't any stopping him. but she is getting aggitated and trying to tell him that the police man is going to come if he doesn't get in his car seat and on and on and so this freaks my other son out who starts crying and saying I don't want the guy to come take my Matty and I'm trying to assure him that won't happen, but he's still crying because Matty is scarying him by being so loud and my mom isn't helping because he's getting irritated. so she decides she needs to physically force him into his car seat. Well good luck with that because he's 40lbs and strong as hell. I don't attempt this anymore because even if I could get him in the car seat he can take his belt off himself and he will. so I just wait until he's done and he gets in his car seat (he did the same thing on Saturday and I had to just wait it out) 

Eventually  he stopped and got in his car seat but it was so horrible. the fit was so loud and intense and it was worse because we were in the car and I just felt so damn helpless. I don't know what to do in that situation. I have tried everything. I think I could have handled it if my mom hadn't been there because I could have just waited him out but she made me feel like I wasn't doing something right and she was basically throwing her own fit. And she has to point out that "everyone can hear him" and on and on and it makes me feel like others are jugding me. They don't understand that my son has special needs, they don't see that when they look at him. 

It's just so hard to deal with and then I have to have my mom be there being mean to me making me feel like I'm doing something wrong. I felt like she was frustrated with the situation and she was taking it out on me by being mean. 

by on Oct. 27, 2013 at 10:41 PM
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Replies (1-10):
darbyakeep45
by Darby on Oct. 28, 2013 at 6:58 AM

Hugs mama!

lancet98
by Member on Oct. 28, 2013 at 9:39 AM

Stigma alert:

I thought you really meant your four year old was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.   

How would you like to retitle your thread?  

Something like 'At my wit's end with my mom AND my strong willed four year old!!!!'

I don't like the implication, that people with bipolar disorder are constantly having fits or temper tantrums or whatever.   No, I do not like the use of 'bipolar' being applied to any misbehaving child or adult.   

Your child is spoiled, and your mom is going against your wishes - that is - IF you clearly told her what your wishes were in that situation.

"Mom, STOP IT.   You're undermining me, and you're making this situation worse.   Now butt out or I'm going to find someone else to go with me to the store.   You give him whatever he wants and THAT is why he continues to tantrum!!'

If you are embarrassed by your child's behavior, TAKE HIM OUT OF THE STORE WHEN HE STARTS TO TANTRUM.  In general, I recommend removing a child from a store if he's having a screaming fit.   Take him out to the car, and discipline him if you're into that, or wait him out.   Get him away from your mom and deal with it yourself in your own chosen way.

Pukalani79
by on Oct. 28, 2013 at 11:48 AM

 It's is frustrating when family does not understand.  Is it possible to take your mom with you to one of your son's appts and have the doctor explain the situation to her? One thing children with mood disorders need is a way to calm themselves down.  Being out of control is just as hard - probably harder - on them than it is on us. If he has not been taught how to do that, perhaps that would be a good starting spot.  Good luck

AllyB_
by on Oct. 28, 2013 at 9:52 PM


what part of my post implied that my son is not diagnosed with bipolar disorder? I posted in a special needs fourm for a reason. 

Quoting lancet98:

Stigma alert:

I thought you really meant your four year old was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.   

How would you like to retitle your thread?  

Something like 'At my wit's end with my mom AND my strong willed four year old!!!!'

I don't like the implication, that people with bipolar disorder are constantly having fits or temper tantrums or whatever.   No, I do not like the use of 'bipolar' being applied to any misbehaving child or adult.   

Your child is spoiled, and your mom is going against your wishes - that is - IF you clearly told her what your wishes were in that situation.

"Mom, STOP IT.   You're undermining me, and you're making this situation worse.   Now butt out or I'm going to find someone else to go with me to the store.   You give him whatever he wants and THAT is why he continues to tantrum!!'

If you are embarrassed by your child's behavior, TAKE HIM OUT OF THE STORE WHEN HE STARTS TO TANTRUM.  In general, I recommend removing a child from a store if he's having a screaming fit.   Take him out to the car, and discipline him if you're into that, or wait him out.   Get him away from your mom and deal with it yourself in your own chosen way.



lancet98
by Member on Oct. 28, 2013 at 10:17 PM

 

I did not understand that.

But my suggestion of what to do, will still be the same, but for a different reason.   Kids with bipolar often get distraught in stores.   Taking them out of the store tends to help them calm down.

Quoting AllyB_:

 

what part of my post implied that my son is not diagnosed with bipolar disorder? I posted in a special needs fourm for a reason. 

Quoting lancet98:

Stigma alert:

I thought you really meant your four year old was diagnosed with bipolar disorder....

JOEJULA
by Member on Oct. 29, 2013 at 10:56 AM

Is your son on any meds? Does he see a psychiatrist?

gummibr
by Member on Oct. 29, 2013 at 2:45 PM

My five year old is also bipolar and was diagnosed at four.  To be honest, we rarely go out in public b/c of these issues.  If we go, its with my husband or mother.  My mother is finally on board with my son's illness and how we must deal with him.  It took a while to get there and there are still some  conflicts, but overall we are on the same page.  We realized it wasn't helping my son at all to have two grown ups coming at him with a different approach and my mom finally realized than I'm the mom and my approach is the one to use!

Yes, it can be embarrassing because our sons do not look special needs yet they are.  Surprisingly, I've never had any nasty comments but man, I've rehearsed some snazzy come-backs!  My son also has some ot issues and it always hot so usually is outside and not appropriately dressed for the weather and I get more comments about this.

I would love to swap tips and stories with you as I have no friends who truly understand what our day to day life is like and the worry and anxiety I feel.  Our life is dictated by my son's moods and what he can and can not handle on any particular day.


lissadavis
by Member on Oct. 30, 2013 at 4:21 PM
1 mom liked this

No doctor worth anything would diagnose a four year old with bi-polar, temper tantrums do not allude to a child being bi-polar.  If a psychologist diagnosed your child as bi-polar at 4 then get a second opinion. Most doctors will not even consider a bi-polar diagnosis until puberty.

That being said your mother was out of line.

AllyB_
by on Oct. 30, 2013 at 11:58 PM


a doctor did not diagnose him, a neuropyschologist diagnosed him after standarized testing and a neuro psych evaulation. There are many children diagnosed before puberty.

Quoting lissadavis:

No doctor worth anything would diagnose a four year old with bi-polar, temper tantrums do not allude to a child being bi-polar.  If a psychologist diagnosed your child as bi-polar at 4 then get a second opinion. Most doctors will not even consider a bi-polar diagnosis until puberty.

That being said your mother was out of line.



AllyB_
by on Oct. 31, 2013 at 12:00 AM

I'm soo glad I have someone I can relate to! Our kids are so close in age too! I think I need some of your snazzy come backs because my neighbor is driving me up a wall lately. my son has a hard time getting ready to go in the morning and its always a struggle and my neighbor things stomping on his floor/our cieling is going to help the situation. Like.. hi yeah I know he's loud, thanks for pointing it out, I would like him to stop screaming also. *rolling my eyes*


Quoting gummibr:

My five year old is also bipolar and was diagnosed at four.  To be honest, we rarely go out in public b/c of these issues.  If we go, its with my husband or mother.  My mother is finally on board with my son's illness and how we must deal with him.  It took a while to get there and there are still some  conflicts, but overall we are on the same page.  We realized it wasn't helping my son at all to have two grown ups coming at him with a different approach and my mom finally realized than I'm the mom and my approach is the one to use!

Yes, it can be embarrassing because our sons do not look special needs yet they are.  Surprisingly, I've never had any nasty comments but man, I've rehearsed some snazzy come-backs!  My son also has some ot issues and it always hot so usually is outside and not appropriately dressed for the weather and I get more comments about this.

I would love to swap tips and stories with you as I have no friends who truly understand what our day to day life is like and the worry and anxiety I feel.  Our life is dictated by my son's moods and what he can and can not handle on any particular day.




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