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Raising Special Needs Kids Raising Special Needs Kids

frustrated!

Posted by on Oct. 31, 2013 at 1:06 AM
  • 8 Replies
Dh and I can never seem to get on the same page and its maddening!! Tonight he tells me I'm too hard on the kids, too controlling and I don't play with them enough. Sure, he can play with them because he's only with them a few hours before he goes to work. He doesn't have the schedules, responsibilities, and chores to juggle. And sure, I'd love to lighten up a bit. Bit when your kid can't even wash their hands after peeing without you reminding them, how am I supposed to back off and expect them to be successful. They dint pick up anything without being asked. They can't follow a simple routine without constant reminders, and without a structured schedule, they get thrown all out of whack!!
do y'all have these issues or do things just flow for you? I'm so tired of the same fights all the time!!
by on Oct. 31, 2013 at 1:06 AM
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Replies (1-8):
darbyakeep45
by Darby on Oct. 31, 2013 at 6:23 AM

Hugs mama!  I totally understand where you are coming from.  I can be harder on my son at times, but then my husband can be as well...just depends on the situation.  Most of them time, when he's home, he has more patience than I do as he's not around Brady as much since he works during the week.  Things don't flow all the time...that's for sure!  

mandee1503
by Amanda on Oct. 31, 2013 at 8:12 AM
I'm definitely tougher on my dd. and while Brandon doesn't say anything it drives me crazy when he won't back me on punishments or the routine with her. I'm like come on help me out. She can't be wild and crazy but you let her!!!
arkansasmama08
by Gold Member on Oct. 31, 2013 at 8:29 AM
Exactly! Just because they're kids or sn kids doesn't mean you should let them do whatever they want or act like little maniacs all the time. Yesterday I was getting frustrated because they simply weren't obeying and so is tell them to do something, and dh would echo me, only nicer. Know what I mean? So aggravating sometimes. I wish he would just try to see things from my side. He lets them be crazy and do whatever the 3 hours he's with them and I spend the other 10 trying to keep them under control.


Quoting mandee1503:

I'm definitely tougher on my dd. and while Brandon doesn't say anything it drives me crazy when he won't back me on punishments or the routine with her. I'm like come on help me out. She can't be wild and crazy but you let her!!!

SamMom912
by Silver Member on Oct. 31, 2013 at 9:00 AM

It sounds like you are swimming against the tide... And while I agree with you to a point, I feel like if it is making you crazy, then maybe you should let go of some of it. Our kids have issue with motor planning, step direstions, auditory processing.. There is a HUGE sensory peice that keeps them from processing a lot of whats going on.. I just watched this interesting webinar where these 2 HFA ASD guys in their early 20 were talking about what it was like when they were younger for ASD parents to listen to...it was really interesting. They were saying how their bodies were on the defense all the time.. That when your in defense mode your not really able to take learning or listening in... And only if you flip the cone around, get thru the sensory piece, will you actually be able to retain more then 15 percent of what your learning.. As they got older, the sensory peice got less and less as they became desensitised to things, and then they picked up stuff and rememberd stuff easier, casue their minds were not filled with "defending"..... It was really interesting, but gave me some perspective on the 10000 time a day that I might ask Sam for something, or to do something... And that maybe some of the things would be better recieved when he is a little older... 

raysma07
by Bronze Member on Oct. 31, 2013 at 9:21 AM

I am a single mom but when his father comes every other weekend he lets him get away with everything and we end up having words over it. Because I have to get him back on schedule and routine and I get three days of getting him to want to do his stuff agian. what a struggle. 

arkansasmama08
by Gold Member on Oct. 31, 2013 at 9:31 AM
1 mom liked this
Exactly. I have that fight every day and its exhausting. Dh wrestles with them and winds them up, and lets them do pretty much whatever they want and wants me to be the same way. Last week I had bronchitis and a sinus infection so he stayed home to take care of the kids so I could rest. Which I totally appreciate. But Maggie and Jeremiah are being mouthy, Jeremiah 's potty training is regressing, and Zack has been whiny and crying over everything. I don't think its a coincidence. They've been off schedule, out of routine, and lacking structure. I'm not understanding why I should change the way I parent when I'm getting better results than he is.


Quoting raysma07:

I am a single mom but when his father comes every other weekend he lets him get away with everything and we end up having words over it. Because I have to get him back on schedule and routine and I get three days of getting him to want to do his stuff agian. what a struggle. 


arkansasmama08
by Gold Member on Oct. 31, 2013 at 9:38 AM
Its not so much the kids as the husband I'm having a problem with. i know the kids have auditory processing issues. I can handle repeating things a dozen times and having to wait a little longer for it to click so they can act on it. My problem is that dh wants less structure, more freedoms, and no routine. I'm not sure what house he's been living in fir the past 8 years, because he knows our kids need these things to be able to function properly. And as much as I'd love to do nothing but play with them constantly like he gets to do, somebody also has to be doing the cooking, laundry, dishes, schooling, etc. Its not like I don't do anything with them. Its just that there has to be a balance and we can't seem to find one. And then he's the good guy who they all lo e, and I'm the mean one who makes them clean their room, do their schoolwork, and pick up after themselves.


Quoting SamMom912:

It sounds like you are swimming against the tide... And while I agree with you to a point, I feel like if it is making you crazy, then maybe you should let go of some of it. Our kids have issue with motor planning, step direstions, auditory processing.. There is a HUGE sensory peice that keeps them from processing a lot of whats going on.. I just watched this interesting webinar where these 2 HFA ASD guys in their early 20 were talking about what it was like when they were younger for ASD parents to listen to...it was really interesting. They were saying how their bodies were on the defense all the time.. That when your in defense mode your not really able to take learning or listening in... And only if you flip the cone around, get thru the sensory piece, will you actually be able to retain more then 15 percent of what your learning.. As they got older, the sensory peice got less and less as they became desensitised to things, and then they picked up stuff and rememberd stuff easier, casue their minds were not filled with "defending"..... It was really interesting, but gave me some perspective on the 10000 time a day that I might ask Sam for something, or to do something... And that maybe some of the things would be better recieved when he is a little older... 


Momof4AEMW
by Silver Member on Oct. 31, 2013 at 11:22 AM

Um, yea, you and I are living the same life.  Lol!  

We don't really butt heads much though, I just end up doing everything and he pretty much works and gets to be the play fun parent when he is not having him time.  Not saying it is a good system, but the kid drama/stress is enough without adding on his. 

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