Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

*Long* Advice and just get it out.. Emotionally worn

Posted by on Dec. 28, 2013 at 8:39 PM
  • 4 Replies

So my 10 yr old dd has a lot of mental/behaviorial issues/disorders.. Doctors words are " she is very manipulative and attention seeking in any way she can get it".. On Thursday evening she had a meltdown.. and became suiciidal so I had to take her and have her admitted to a childrens psychiatric ward for acute treatment.    We had been having some horrible behaviors/meltdowns that were getting worse and worse ( say just at school had went from a 1-2 time a week.. to a 1-2 time  EACH class, every day) .. We changed her medicine 2 months ago and she had totally settled down.. NO outbursts/meltdowns at school or at home.. and even good at her dads (where she tends to be the worst).  

Well the last 2 weeks it had started up again.. and when she was on a crying jag  or a violent melt down (2 differnt ends of the way she would  behave, crying uncontrollably or Raging, throwing things, trying to hurt herself or others) it was a LOT harder to get her to calm down.  Well over the last couple of weeks of course shes been getting in more trouble.. Attitude, bickering with sister (beyond the normal kids getting irratated at each other) etc type stuff.  Shes been getting up (between 2 am and 5 am usually due to when our household goes to bed and gets up we know it is during that time frame, and getting things and binge eating again (sweets, ex 24 honey buns, an entire package or oreos, a whole bag of marshmallows.. all the stocking candy I had stashed to put in christmas stockings, most of it  in one night mind you...)   And to make it worsse her blood pressure over last 3 months has been up, and weve been dealing with specialists trying to find out why.. and she is on a no Caffeeine no chocolate diet.  So we have been getting on to her more, and shes lost some priveleges and had some extra chores.   Well apparntly the day she went to her Dads to spend some holiday time, I made her mad again.. she and her sister had been given a treat , a candy cane each, and 2 to give to the 2 little boys that live with her dad ( he married an older lady that has grand children and they live there)   to have later after they were there.. Well while they were outside waiting(playing with dog till they arrived)  apparntly DD10 ate them all.  My older daughter told her step mom when they were there.. that her sis had eaten them all.. Her step mom called to ask if I had given them to her.. and I explained  one for all 4 kids for later/whenever they wanted to let them have them.  Apparently me telling her step mom what happened set her off..   Shortly afterward I got a call that DD was out of control.. Was saying I had done ALL kinds of horrible stuff to her.. Like punching her, beating her with a shoe, pulling her hair out, kicking her... etc.. (which everyone over there knows me well enough that it isnt happening.. and its not the first time she has pulled something like that.. She went to school one day few years ago and said when she was bad I cut her with knives.  We had CPS investigate, she was throughly examined.. and it was all found to be untrue.. which it was.  Counslors said it was part of the attention seeking thing)   She started chanting and was inconsolobel saying she was gonna hurt herself and pulling her hair and scratching herself.     I immediately called her theraphist.. We al had an emergency session.. She finally admitted nothing like that happens.. that she was mad at me.. and wanted to live with her dad (who btw does not want her most of times for visits let alone permanatly)  and thought If I went to jail She could go live with her dad and her sister could go to foster care.   Whole lot more stuff came out.. Like how she wants her dads new family to all move out too so she could be there with just her and her dad..     Well long story short (yes i know long literally lol ) we decided that she might be serious about hurting her self and she needed an intervention so we got her admited for a 7-10 day acute treatment...

   Well this has totally just emotionally drained me.   I do everything for both my kids.. we have LOTS of drs and things I have to keep up..I make sure they get to everywhere they need to , and often those drives for doctors are an hour to 2 hours away.  She was a preemie (2lbs 3 oz.. tiny tiny girl)  so her whole life has been extra stuff involved They have everything they need, most of what they want.. I do without a lot of stuff too, in order to provide them what they have.   I love both my kids to death you know.. Is it wrong that I feel so hurt, and tired.. that she would make accusations like this.. with the intention of it hurting me/getting me in trouble?  I know she has diagonsises and issues, that she cant help.. But she can help too some of what she does..    Sorry so long and all and thank you for reading and listening if you made it this far.   Has anyone had to deal with their child doing things like these?  Or at a young age being so angry and even suicidal?  How did you deal with it?  Do you ever feel like no matter how you try to help, nothing works?  Any advice anyone has would be appreciated..  Any bashing would be nice if you could remember the lesson from Bambi .   " Thumper what did your father tell you?"   " If you cant say something nice, dont say nothing at all"

by on Dec. 28, 2013 at 8:39 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-4):
Mipsy
by Chelle on Dec. 28, 2013 at 10:27 PM
1 mom liked this

Oh momma I just read the entire thing and am speechless for you. My heart aches for you and for your dd. I can't imagine going through that. I do not have experience in it nor any advice, I apologize, but I want you to know you are in my thoughts and prayers. I am glad you came here, I know someone here can relate I am sure and help in some way. You are doing what is best for your daughter. It is completely natural to feel hurt by the things she is doing and saying, shoot I turn into a blubbering puddle the one time my son just said he didn't like me (for some dumb 5yr old reason I am sure, haha). I couldn't imagine dealing with that. I am glad you called her therapist though and decided to admit her, maybe some time away is what she needs so she can focus solely on herself and her actions and maybe realize how her actions do not just affect her, but others as well. I think at that age, kids in general don't always peice together that if they do A, B will be affected by it. And sometimes I think they don't realize their parents are no different than them, they are not invincible to feelings and being hurt. And I know from my own pre-teen rampages, that they don't realize that we as parents are NOT out to get them and make their lives miserable, that we do have their best interest at heart. Unfortunately, sometimes that is a hindsight thing they don't realize til they are older and/or parents themselves.

*hugs* momma, we are here for you through this very trying time and will support you in any way we can!

lazyd
by Member on Dec. 29, 2013 at 12:08 PM

My 11yo son was recently taken to children's hospital for saying things at school.  Not that its an excuse, but because of my son's "history", he wasnt suspended or expelled, but a police officer had to take my son & they admitted him to the "psych" ward for eval.  He's "fine", but when he gets in his "moments" and cant calm down - all hell breaks loose.  My son knows saying the things he does that they will get him in trouble, but he just looses it.  I feel for my son - i mean its not always his fault.  My son is on 3 meds & threatens to kill himself and others all the time.  We do take him seriously, but we know he isnt serious, kwim, cuz he just says them in his wild moments when he just wants someone to understand how frustrated he is.  Sadly, there are some days that i want to commit him for a long time until he can "grow up" & learn to handle his outburst.  :( 

terpmama
by on Dec. 29, 2013 at 1:08 PM
I've worked in residential treatment (so a step down from a locked psychiatric ward but still tightly controlled)... All of our kids (age 5-13) fell somewhere on the "kid with issues" spectrum. Some were suicidal, homicidal, true psychopaths, Juvenal schitzophrenics, bipolar... A few had milder problems such as mood disorders or medication adjustments.

It's tough work! Especially if it's your kiddo (I got to go home at the end of my day). We did have several kids would woul come for a week or weekend for respite care (basically everyone got a break)... It realy helped the family recharge, and the kiddo got some intensive inpatient care to help them refocus on their struggles and have professional help/new perspective.

Puberty can really screw with med effectiveness too (which I'm sure your doc has told you).

Hang in there mama and try to fin some personal support (perhaps personal therapy) or at least an outlet that you can vent the stress and emotions an take care of yourself too!
iamtryingforme
by Member on Dec. 29, 2013 at 11:51 PM

 My DD age 10 threatened to kill herself at the age of 8. She still threatens it when she doesn't get her own way. I know she is doing it to get attention. Most times I let it just go. Every once in a while I tell her that it hurts my feelings and she shouldn't threaten it. She stops threatening it for a while until something doesn't go her way. Good luck with everything. Love the quote at the end too.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)