*Long* Advice and just get it out.. Emotionally worn
So my 10 yr old dd has a lot of mental/behaviorial issues/disorders.. Doctors words are " she is very manipulative and attention seeking in any way she can get it".. On Thursday evening she had a meltdown.. and became suiciidal so I had to take her and have her admitted to a childrens psychiatric ward for acute treatment. We had been having some horrible behaviors/meltdowns that were getting worse and worse ( say just at school had went from a 1-2 time a week.. to a 1-2 time EACH class, every day) .. We changed her medicine 2 months ago and she had totally settled down.. NO outbursts/meltdowns at school or at home.. and even good at her dads (where she tends to be the worst).
Well the last 2 weeks it had started up again.. and when she was on a crying jag or a violent melt down (2 differnt ends of the way she would behave, crying uncontrollably or Raging, throwing things, trying to hurt herself or others) it was a LOT harder to get her to calm down. Well over the last couple of weeks of course shes been getting in more trouble.. Attitude, bickering with sister (beyond the normal kids getting irratated at each other) etc type stuff. Shes been getting up (between 2 am and 5 am usually due to when our household goes to bed and gets up we know it is during that time frame, and getting things and binge eating again (sweets, ex 24 honey buns, an entire package or oreos, a whole bag of marshmallows.. all the stocking candy I had stashed to put in christmas stockings, most of it in one night mind you...) And to make it worsse her blood pressure over last 3 months has been up, and weve been dealing with specialists trying to find out why.. and she is on a no Caffeeine no chocolate diet. So we have been getting on to her more, and shes lost some priveleges and had some extra chores. Well apparntly the day she went to her Dads to spend some holiday time, I made her mad again.. she and her sister had been given a treat , a candy cane each, and 2 to give to the 2 little boys that live with her dad ( he married an older lady that has grand children and they live there) to have later after they were there.. Well while they were outside waiting(playing with dog till they arrived) apparntly DD10 ate them all. My older daughter told her step mom when they were there.. that her sis had eaten them all.. Her step mom called to ask if I had given them to her.. and I explained one for all 4 kids for later/whenever they wanted to let them have them. Apparently me telling her step mom what happened set her off.. Shortly afterward I got a call that DD was out of control.. Was saying I had done ALL kinds of horrible stuff to her.. Like punching her, beating her with a shoe, pulling her hair out, kicking her... etc.. (which everyone over there knows me well enough that it isnt happening.. and its not the first time she has pulled something like that.. She went to school one day few years ago and said when she was bad I cut her with knives. We had CPS investigate, she was throughly examined.. and it was all found to be untrue.. which it was. Counslors said it was part of the attention seeking thing) She started chanting and was inconsolobel saying she was gonna hurt herself and pulling her hair and scratching herself. I immediately called her theraphist.. We al had an emergency session.. She finally admitted nothing like that happens.. that she was mad at me.. and wanted to live with her dad (who btw does not want her most of times for visits let alone permanatly) and thought If I went to jail She could go live with her dad and her sister could go to foster care. Whole lot more stuff came out.. Like how she wants her dads new family to all move out too so she could be there with just her and her dad.. Well long story short (yes i know long literally lol ) we decided that she might be serious about hurting her self and she needed an intervention so we got her admited for a 7-10 day acute treatment...
Well this has totally just emotionally drained me. I do everything for both my kids.. we have LOTS of drs and things I have to keep up..I make sure they get to everywhere they need to , and often those drives for doctors are an hour to 2 hours away. She was a preemie (2lbs 3 oz.. tiny tiny girl) so her whole life has been extra stuff involved They have everything they need, most of what they want.. I do without a lot of stuff too, in order to provide them what they have. I love both my kids to death you know.. Is it wrong that I feel so hurt, and tired.. that she would make accusations like this.. with the intention of it hurting me/getting me in trouble? I know she has diagonsises and issues, that she cant help.. But she can help too some of what she does.. Sorry so long and all and thank you for reading and listening if you made it this far. Has anyone had to deal with their child doing things like these? Or at a young age being so angry and even suicidal? How did you deal with it? Do you ever feel like no matter how you try to help, nothing works? Any advice anyone has would be appreciated.. Any bashing would be nice if you could remember the lesson from Bambi .