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Raising Special Needs Kids Raising Special Needs Kids

Frustrated with a staff member at my son's school *Update*

Posted by on Jan. 30, 2014 at 5:25 PM
  • 11 Replies

So today, I called a cab. We've been taking a cab for the past month already because it's been over -30 deg. celcius. Anways, I have a routine down of calling one at 3, and they almost ALWAYS show up around the time school is out, so around 3:15-/:20 pm. Today, it was one of those days where it hit and miss and came at 3:05.

I went out and let the cab know school is out at 3:20 and he was fine with that. The bell rang, and I saw my son come out of the class (we parents wait in the school lobby by the front doors) and I went over briefly to tell him to get zippered up and don't bother putting on pants. I grabbed his ski pants and backpack and a staff member who is not a teacher (a volunteer or an EA- assistant) got lippy and put her hands on me, "Let him get ready. You need to get back on the carpet". Shocked, I said "yes, I'm aware, but our cab has been waiting for 15 minutes already and we need to go now" and she rolled her eyes and said "Yes, you can leave when he gets ready." Annoyed at this point, I said, "Sorry, I'm not making my cab wait any longer".  Do you know how long it would take for my son to get ready? 10 minutes. I've counted and timed in the past. He has SPD and mix that with OCD - if his pants aren't sitting in his boots the "right" way, he could have a complete meltdown and our whole time at the school will be focused on me trying to calm him down and help him anyway. Before recess and home time, my son and a few other children in his class have two designated staff members helping them with their sensory needs and they were not at school today due to illness unfortunately. This staff member whispers to the other grade 1 teacher and points right at me. Hello, high school. 

Then, my son tells me that this same woman called him a "liar" because he is in an Alternate Recess program at school for Special Needs children. She sent him back and he tried telling her he's supposed to go to Alternate Recess (which is held in the gym) and he says she grabbed him by the arm but wasn't hurting him, and took him back to the class. He said this woman told him he's NOT Special Needs and that this Alternate Recess wasn't for just anyone to come. Umm, the school counsellor set this up with me way back in October!!! But she wasn't in today. 

I don't know the school's policy on teaching children independence but this certain woman seems to be a problem to both me and my son, and I have already contacted the principal and the counsellor to discuss this. I'm bothered by the fact that she grabbed my son, had a verrrrrrrrrrry terse and matter-pf-fact, grouchy tone with me when I was just being polite and helping my son speed up his time getting his jacket so we could leave, and the fact that she felt the need to pull high schooler and gossip about me right in front of me to another staff member. 

I may not have conducted myself accordingly and I can admit that - I was in a rush and our cab had been waiting and I told him school was out at 3:20, it was going on 3:30 by the time this all went down, so he was waiting in the parking lot for 25 minutes by then!

I don't wanna be "that" parent, but how can I explain to this woman that there ARE staff who help the children with sensory issues get ready??? According to the school counsellor as well, if the children cannot get ready, and the parents have to leave, they are allowed to help them!!! But for the most part, my son CAN get his pants in his winter boots, but he was wearing jeans, and for those of you SPD moms - you know what those meltdowns are like when children cannot get their jeans in their boots so they're comfortable!!!

She did not apologize yet. I have seen her on Friday and yesterday and this morning. She looked at me, but that was it. I asked my son if she apologized to him and he said she sounds grouchy when he says hi and waves to her. If I don't receive an apology I will let the guidance counsellor know. My son deserves to feel comfortable in his school, and not like he is some big burden on this woman.


by on Jan. 30, 2014 at 5:25 PM
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Replies (1-10):
letstalk747
by Joy on Jan. 30, 2014 at 8:29 PM
3 moms liked this

RUDE , i would have a chat with her and  the principal  all 3 of you and get her set straight on everything.  I would be pissed ignorance is no reason to be rude

mandee1503
by Amanda on Jan. 30, 2014 at 9:19 PM
1 mom liked this
Yeah I'd be having a lovely chat about her with the principal. I also would have been very straight forward to her and told her to back off.
darbyakeep45
by Darby on Jan. 31, 2014 at 6:19 AM
3 moms liked this

First of all, once a parent is there at school to pick up the child, the child can go with the parent.  I don't care if they are ready or not.  The teacher/staff member had NO right to tell you to wait and that you couldn't take him yet.  I'll be darned if anyone will tell me I can't have my son!  Too bad for them!  That doesn't fly with me.  I wouldn't tolerate that for one minute!

Hugs!

jjamom
by Michele on Jan. 31, 2014 at 9:24 AM
3 moms liked this
This wasn't just one thing, either, but between you and your son, the cab, the boots, the recess, the rudeness, I would be calling a meeting with the principal. And I agree with Darby, if I am there to pick my son up, how dare they try to tell me what to do and/or that I can't take him or help him. Where does this woman get off trying to tell you that. I'd definitely be setting the record straight!
MoeMoe01
by Member on Jan. 31, 2014 at 7:42 PM
Wow, that sounds horrible! I agree with the other Moms, a meeting with the principal is definitely warranted. Good luck!
raysma07
by Bronze Member on Feb. 1, 2014 at 10:36 AM
1 mom liked this

 This is so me They would have to step back because I am taking my son!

Quoting darbyakeep45:

First of all, once a parent is there at school to pick up the child, the child can go with the parent.  I don't care if they are ready or not.  The teacher/staff member had NO right to tell you to wait and that you couldn't take him yet.  I'll be darned if anyone will tell me I can't have my son!  Too bad for them!  That doesn't fly with me.  I wouldn't tolerate that for one minute!

Hugs!

 

Mocking.Jay
by Member on Feb. 1, 2014 at 4:18 PM
2 moms liked this

It's not a school policy, but it's a 'rule' they try to enforce on all children and parents to have the parents wait in the lobby while their children get ready. It's a part of teaching them independence. I agree with this rule, except that some special needs children like my son, who has immense sensory issues with boots not being perfect and whatnot, need some guidance getting their winter gear on anyway.

The counsellor got back to me, and she was acting double duty Friday as the principal since the principal was sick and she said that the principal will be setting up a meeting to meet with the substitute about the way she conducted herself with me. I can't be present for the meeting, but she did say to expect both a verbal and written apology from the sub. She SHOULD have been aware that my kid was supposed to be in that program in the afternoon, but I guess it's something the homeroom teachers were not notified of to let all substitute/supply staff know. 

My problem was her tone, her rudeness, and the fact she grabbed my kid, but according to the sub, of course she didn't grab my son's arm hard, so they can't reprimand the teacher. My son said it didn't hurt, but I mentioned to the counsellor that in the future, I would hope all substitutes would be trained to touch children in a MORE appropriate way like pushing their backs or holding their hands, NOT grabbing them by any body part.


Thank you all for your kind words and support!

catwalkw
by Member on Feb. 1, 2014 at 6:38 PM

I am sorry you experienced this with your son.

I am a 'sub' teacher...but I now decline sub opportunities IN sped classrooms...NOT because I do not enjoy working with special kiddos...but rather *I* have seen things that 'curl' my toes.


I am debating whether or not to become 'sped' certified...

I am sorry your child was so disrespected...

Best!

Cindy18
by Silver Member on Feb. 1, 2014 at 8:11 PM

this is exactly what I was thinking!!

Quoting darbyakeep45:

First of all, once a parent is there at school to pick up the child, the child can go with the parent.  I don't care if they are ready or not.  The teacher/staff member had NO right to tell you to wait and that you couldn't take him yet.  I'll be darned if anyone will tell me I can't have my son!  Too bad for them!  That doesn't fly with me.  I wouldn't tolerate that for one minute!

Hugs!


Mocking.Jay
by Member on Feb. 1, 2014 at 10:01 PM
1 mom liked this

Thank you! He is included in a 'normal' class. This sub teacher was a sub for grade 2 and she's always rude to me and noticed her singling my kid out in the mornings. When it's too cold out, the little guys wait in the lobby until morning inside bell rings and she's always acting like I'm not watching her tone with my kid and the other kids. She yells at the children like they're her own kids and I have brought to other teachers' attention that the way she talks to the kids and yells at them seems inappropriate and they always say they're gonna mention it to the principal but nothing ever gets done because she's at it again the next morning. She's not gonna boss ME around though. I don't care if I'm not following school rules - if I need to get my kid outta that school - I'm gonna fucking get him out. It's bad enough I leave him in there!!! If I had it my way, I would stay home and teach him myself, but I need to make money for us to live and eventually buy a car so we don't have to rely on cab fare and public transit. 

Quoting catwalkw:

I am sorry you experienced this with your son.

I am a 'sub' teacher...but I now decline sub opportunities IN sped classrooms...NOT because I do not enjoy working with special kiddos...but rather *I* have seen things that 'curl' my toes.


I am debating whether or not to become 'sped' certified...

I am sorry your child was so disrespected...

Best!


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