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Raising Special Needs Kids Raising Special Needs Kids

DH grrrrrrrrr! jerk or more?

Posted by on Feb. 28, 2014 at 12:37 PM
  • 22 Replies

Well I've bit**** about DH off and on here mostly about him and Lina's diet. Well things are calming down since the move so I've decided that I'm just going to do the cooking as far as Lina goes. We will still have a couple nights where he will wind up feeding her what he cooks which most likely will have things she isn't supposed to have. Can't get him to understand that it doesn't matter that you've dilutated it with other ingredients, it doesn't matter that she only gets it a couple times a month it is things she isn't supposed to have ANY of. 

Now I'm ready to pull my hair out over his attitude about her clothing! I have trouble finding clothes that will fit her because she has a large stomach, wide chest, shoulders that slope slightly so regular bra's and spaghetti straps won't stay up, short thick legs, very wide feet. Lina hates any kind of pants that are low rise or slide down to low rise when she sits down, she hates shirts that shows her belly in any way. She usually wears leggings, the nice swearpants, t-shirts (usually boys). She had picutre day here at the new school but didn't really have anything nice to wear so DH said take her and get her something nice for pictures. I wound up getting her a couple pair of new leggings, some new nice looking t-shirts, and a sweater that she really likes and is perfect for school Spirit Day (he was upset about the clothes). He had wanted me to find something girly or a dress, they had none that would fit her. She also has NO shoes for a nice outfit like that. He asked why I didn't get her shoes too. DUH?! they didn't have any in her size! Yesterday I found her 3 more pair of leggings at Forever 21 and was telling DH that I wish I'd had her with me because they had some dresses that would be real short on most but would look good on her and would've been perfect with leggings, he got upset again over the leggings. (I mentioned here that she has been showing the sensory issues involving textures so this sweater is now her most favorite thing because it is super soft). 

Here is where the fighting/argueing started. He said I need to buy her some jeans because she can't go her entire life in leggings and sweats, that I should get her the girls shirts and she just needs to get used to them. I told him she doesn't like jeans that they don't fit her right. We went back and forth about the fact I told him she doesn't like the way the material feels, she doesn't like that they slide down, she can't do up the pants on her own because she can't see the fasteners, they bother her belly when she sits down. He came back with get them a little loose and put a belt on her, she HAS to get used to things. Then he went on about her not using her spoon to eat that they are teaching her that at school. I told him again that she does use her spoon and if I see her using her fingers she is reminded to use her spoon (he is at the table too ugh!), I tried to tell him that it is the texture that she likes that is why she is using her fingers and squishing her food between them or just grabbing it and putting it in her mouth. I told him she can't use a belt because it pinches her belly and leaves bruises, the school wants her to fasten her own clothing (she can't), I tried to explain about the feel of the material and that she doesn't like that feeling. 

I am about ready to scream! Then he'll do something that makes me wonder if he isn't beginning to have some issues himself. Has anyone here dealt with a person with the beginnings of Alzhiemer's or regular dementia? He shows me signs that he may be starting with either one. He will be 68 in March.

I am done complaining now Thanks everyone!

by on Feb. 28, 2014 at 12:37 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Irislady17
by Bronze Member on Feb. 28, 2014 at 1:23 PM
((Hugs)) no advise, just sympathy. My husband has been driving me up a wall lately to regarding our children too. Hopefully things will settle down for you guys soon.
N.Carter2001
by Silver Member on Feb. 28, 2014 at 1:43 PM

Im in my 30s and i wont wear  jeans. I have mild cp. I just dont like the way they feel. But i had to wear when i went to school. At least you listen to how your child feels about clothes.   So yes i wear sweat pants and any kind of pants as long as they not jeans. I dont wear dresses. Ok i did a few times at school dances.  But never again !      Any way my grandma had Alzhiemers. My grandma lived on her own in another state away from family. friends that knew us would call saying she would go walking and get lost. She lived in this town most of her life and it very small. She moved in with my mom and I.  She would forget names. Yes even mine. She would read the paper again and again and again. i would ask her why ? She said it her 1st time to read that days paper. And she had to read who died. She would say she had to make sure her name not in it. And she would always just clean. She had 5 kids so maybe that why she a very neat. I would ask why clean everyday like dusting ? The president may show up one day. She passed away april 1st  when i was in 11 grade.    My grandma was in her 60s when it started. I hope i was some help     ?

Linagma03
by Gold Member on Feb. 28, 2014 at 1:57 PM

Thank you. What you said about the clothing is exactly what I've tried to tell him. I just plan on dressing her how she likes and be done with it. As far as the rest with him goes I know a little bit about it. I know that he is in the right age range for Alzhiemers to begin. 

Quoting N.Carter2001:

Im in my 30s and i wont wear  jeans. I have mild cp. I just dont like the way they feel. But i had to wear when i went to school. At least you listen to how your child feels about clothes.   So yes i wear sweat pants and any kind of pants as long as they not jeans. I dont wear dresses. Ok i did a few times at school dances.  But never again !      Any way my grandma had Alzhiemers. My grandma lived on her own in another state away from family. friends that knew us would call saying she would go walking and get lost. She lived in this town most of her life and it very small. She moved in with my mom and I.  She would forget names. Yes even mine. She would read the paper again and again and again. i would ask her why ? She said it her 1st time to read that days paper. And she had to read who died. She would say she had to make sure her name not in it. And she would always just clean. She had 5 kids so maybe that why she a very neat. I would ask why clean everyday like dusting ? The president may show up one day. She passed away april 1st  when i was in 11 grade.    My grandma was in her 60s when it started. I hope i was some help     ?


Linagma03
by Gold Member on Feb. 28, 2014 at 2:02 PM

I hope so. It is just so frustrating.  

Quoting Irislady17: ((Hugs)) no advise, just sympathy. My husband has been driving me up a wall lately to regarding our children too. Hopefully things will settle down for you guys soon.


Cindy18
by Silver Member on Feb. 28, 2014 at 2:50 PM

I don't know if I have any advice here because I really think he's being a jerk about things. Why can't she wear leggings and sweatpants the rest of her life? Why does she have to get use to uncomfortable clothes? I don't get that at all. 

As for the dementia, what signs are you seeing?


Linagma03
by Gold Member on Feb. 28, 2014 at 3:01 PM

As far as the clothes I don't understand either. I like to wear what is comfortable, I even wear clothes that others in the family don't like. So her wearing what is comfortable and doesn't hamper her ability to function is what she needs to be allowed to wear. 

As far as he goes. He has a very bad short term memory. There are a lot of things that happened years and years ago that he can recall well. He is having trouble recalling the names of favorite movies, actors, songs, the relationship of people to him (like xx is my cousin). Then there is the fact that he has been a mechanic ALL his life to include while in the military he was the Battalion Maintenance Sgt who oversaw the care of hundreds of vehicles and people he was not able to diagnosis that the starter was going out on my van. He starts a conversation and part way thru he changes subjects or just forgets what he was saying. He gets very defensive when confronted about forgetting and he gets angry easier than he used to over very small things. He has days were his demeanor seems to be more of a paranoid nature he takes what is said in a light that is wasn't intended and it wasn't even remotely written or said in a way that could be taken more than one way. They are just so small but seem to be happening more often. 

I really want him to be a jerk. I can deal with jerk! 

Quoting Cindy18:

I don't know if I have any advice here because I really think he's being a jerk about things. Why can't she wear leggings and sweatpants the rest of her life? Why does she have to get use to uncomfortable clothes? I don't get that at all. 

As for the dementia, what signs are you seeing?


Cindy18
by Silver Member on Feb. 28, 2014 at 3:15 PM

I don't know much about dementia but I do know that forgetting simple things and then getting extremely angry is a sign. I have a client that is going through this too.

HUGS!

Quoting Linagma03:

As far as the clothes I don't understand either. I like to wear what is comfortable, I even wear clothes that others in the family don't like. So her wearing what is comfortable and doesn't hamper her ability to function is what she needs to be allowed to wear. 

As far as he goes. He has a very bad short term memory. There are a lot of things that happened years and years ago that he can recall well. He is having trouble recalling the names of favorite movies, actors, songs, the relationship of people to him (like xx is my cousin). Then there is the fact that he has been a mechanic ALL his life to include while in the military he was the Battalion Maintenance Sgt who oversaw the care of hundreds of vehicles and people he was not able to diagnosis that the starter was going out on my van. He starts a conversation and part way thru he changes subjects or just forgets what he was saying. He gets very defensive when confronted about forgetting and he gets angry easier than he used to over very small things. He has days were his demeanor seems to be more of a paranoid nature he takes what is said in a light that is wasn't intended and it wasn't even remotely written or said in a way that could be taken more than one way. They are just so small but seem to be happening more often. 

I really want him to be a jerk. I can deal with jerk! 

Quoting Cindy18:

I don't know if I have any advice here because I really think he's being a jerk about things. Why can't she wear leggings and sweatpants the rest of her life? Why does she have to get use to uncomfortable clothes? I don't get that at all. 

As for the dementia, what signs are you seeing?


arkansasmama08
by Gold Member on Feb. 28, 2014 at 3:35 PM
Ok. As far as Lina goes, it sounds to me like he is in denial. None of your kids had sn right? Maybe he just really wants her to be "normal" and is having a difficult time accepting her for who she is. She's getting older now and maybe its finally hit him that she isn't growing out of it. That's what it looks like to me anyway.

the other, yes, it does sound like maybe the onset of dementia 😞. Especially getting angry about it. I'm very forgetful, both long term and short term and its very frustrating. I would try to talk to a Dr about it,even if you can't convince him to go yet. They may be able to give you some information on warning signs and things you can do to help.
Momof4AEMW
by Gold Member on Feb. 28, 2014 at 3:42 PM

 My grandma had alzhiemers, but her early signs were forgetfulness, mixing up things, flashbacks to old memories.  He just sounds like a 68 year old man set in his ways and not as involved in her care as you, therefor he can find all the ways somthing should be going that you have already ruled out as possible for her since you work with her every day.  Sounds just like my 38 year old hubs!  Men are oblivious.

Linagma03
by Gold Member on Feb. 28, 2014 at 4:08 PM

I know too that these signs are or can be signs of the beginning of Alzhiemer's and that men seem to have the paranoia more so then women and that they can become violent later on when it has gotten worse. My Mom was an RN and for a while worked at a nursing home that had an Alzhiemer's wing and that was the area she worked the most. She told me about some of what went on and why one thing or another happened. I think that may be why I am seeing these things rather early not to mention some is out of character. Maybe I am more open to seeing these things because of Lina and her problems. IDK

It just seemed to hit me more so this morning after our "discussion" of Lina's clothing. 

Quoting Cindy18:

I don't know much about dementia but I do know that forgetting simple things and then getting extremely angry is a sign. I have a client that is going through this too.

HUGS!

Quoting Linagma03:

As far as the clothes I don't understand either. I like to wear what is comfortable, I even wear clothes that others in the family don't like. So her wearing what is comfortable and doesn't hamper her ability to function is what she needs to be allowed to wear. 

As far as he goes. He has a very bad short term memory. There are a lot of things that happened years and years ago that he can recall well. He is having trouble recalling the names of favorite movies, actors, songs, the relationship of people to him (like xx is my cousin). Then there is the fact that he has been a mechanic ALL his life to include while in the military he was the Battalion Maintenance Sgt who oversaw the care of hundreds of vehicles and people he was not able to diagnosis that the starter was going out on my van. He starts a conversation and part way thru he changes subjects or just forgets what he was saying. He gets very defensive when confronted about forgetting and he gets angry easier than he used to over very small things. He has days were his demeanor seems to be more of a paranoid nature he takes what is said in a light that is wasn't intended and it wasn't even remotely written or said in a way that could be taken more than one way. They are just so small but seem to be happening more often. 

I really want him to be a jerk. I can deal with jerk! 

Quoting Cindy18:

I don't know if I have any advice here because I really think he's being a jerk about things. Why can't she wear leggings and sweatpants the rest of her life? Why does she have to get use to uncomfortable clothes? I don't get that at all. 

As for the dementia, what signs are you seeing?


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