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Raising Special Needs Kids Raising Special Needs Kids

Its more then a discpline issue!

Posted by on Mar. 2, 2014 at 10:07 PM
  • 22 Replies

I am so tired of my mom saying that my DS's behaviour is because I was not strict enough with him when he was little. He is 8 now and most likely has SPD..he will be working with a OT as soon as I can get a time.

Thing is he hates to be hugged, my mother insists on it, He doesnt like the feel of underwear so I dont force him to wear it...my mom claims I am just setting him up to be picked off by a sex peditor...

I don't let him get away with Murder, but if he wants the other bag of brown sugar because it feels softer...what is the harm? If I have to speed through the purfume section of a store since the mixture of smells is too much for him...what does that matter to her? No I do not shop with her.

She thinks that SPD is just a way of saying "Too lazy to spank" I do not mean to offened anyone just frustrated...

So parents of SPD kids do you force them to do the small things that could really make them lose it? (Deal with overpowering smells/sounds/textures)

by on Mar. 2, 2014 at 10:07 PM
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Replies (1-10):
lillettemomma
by on Mar. 2, 2014 at 10:10 PM
My mother is starting that....she doesn't understand what is really going on.....no my kids are not just acting up they are special needs..... argh it's aggravating
gummibr
by Member on Mar. 2, 2014 at 10:18 PM

My son is bipolar and has some sensory issues so we experience some of the same issues.  I have had to learn to parent him differently than a "normal" child.  Having this realization also means not letting other people's opinions bother me, which can be very hard.  I have educated my parents on how my son is different and must be treated differently in certain situations.  It has taken a while but we have gotten there.  And no, we avoid situations that could trigger a melt down becuase that benefits no one and he doesn't learn any lesson as my parents assumed he would

SamMom912
by Silver Member on Mar. 2, 2014 at 10:51 PM
1 mom liked this

No, i most certainly do not.. i am respectful to my son with SPD. It isnt his FAULT that his body doesnt get the correct signals from his senses.. It is a disorder... id get your mom a book about children with SPD... Gabriel at school by hartley steiner, or arnie and his school tools.. And educate her. That is ridiculous, Id print out pages from www.sensorysmart.com or Biels book, raising a sensory smart child.. 

Thats like spanking a child until he gets out of his wheelchair to walk up stairs. Just mean. Desensitising needs to be compassionate and done with care, not disrespect like your mom would suggest... Ugh, I hate ignorance.. Its frustrating. 

Its def. not you... im so sorry.... 

Momof4AEMW
by Gold Member on Mar. 2, 2014 at 11:10 PM
2 moms liked this

My son has SPD with his ASD, and heck no I do not force things he is extremely uncomfortable with unless necessary.  Fruit is fruit, if he'll eat apple sauce instead of the apple, fine.  Do I care if he sleeps with the top sheet or just the blankets he finds softer, fine.  Why do I care he needs to go out with sunglasses and a hat to block the powerful sun and store lighting that make him go batty, fine.  Why fight him when he spills one little drop of whatever food/drink on his clothes that will drive him to complain all day when i can just change his clothes and have extra clothes at school.  Do i care if he wears his socks upside down because the hanes lettering shows that way and seam does not rub as much, ok.  Does it really matter that much that he turns the lights off in the house when he wants to watch a movie because he can see the screan better without all the other distracting objects in view, fine. 

Now, if he wants to get out of a dr appt because he is over stimmed or doesn't want to attend a family party we all have to go to as a family..Well, then I care, but take the tools to help him through the best I can and then give him down time once we are home.  It's about knowing when to pick my battles and when to just ride it out and let him make some choices.  I find he chooses what he needs sensory-wise, and that means a whole lot less screaming and fighting at me.  Your mom does not get it, and that's ok.  Most do not if it is not their child and they have not educated themselves on the issue and that it is not within your child's control.  Don't let it get to you.  You're the mom, you're a great mom, you know what you're doing so own it!

 

 

Momof4AEMW
by Gold Member on Mar. 2, 2014 at 11:11 PM

Oh, and grandma...spanking or yelling at a SPD kid only makes things worse. 

cnsmom
by Bronze Member on Mar. 2, 2014 at 11:18 PM
1 mom liked this

My parents live 2 houses down from us, so they were around my kids pretty much daily.  My mom went to most dr apts with me, so they could tell that something was wrong with my son.  They knew that we didn't just let him run wild or whatever.  We didn't take him into stores, or crowded places for a very long time, because it was to overstimulating for him, he would have a meltdown everytime we went in one.   They were always supportive. 

My husbands family was a whole different story.  They wouldn't acknoweledge that anything was wrong with our son.  He didn't have eye contact with anyone, he didn't like to hug, he didn't talk, and he threw the worse fits... aaugh it was horrible.  He would only eat certain foods, and when he was small he would throw up constantly when eating.  My mil would get mad because we didn't ask her to babysit, but she wouldn't come around him enough to learn how to care for him.  He would scream everytime she would come around him, because she tried to pick him up and cuddle him, he didn't want any part of that.  I heard so many rude comments from her about how we did things, it would make me so mad, because she didn't have a clue about what she was talking about.  I put up with it for years.  They never came to our house, so we got to the point where we only went to their house once every few weeks.

Now my son is grown, and the inlaws finally get that my son isn't your typical 19 yr old...if only they would have tried to understand that about 16 years ago. 

I'm sorry that you are dealing with this issue, it really is hard, but try not to pay attention to what people say, because they really don't know.  Hopefully one day they will.  Hang in there you are doing what works for your child, and you know what is best for him. 

Connorsmommy13
by Member on Mar. 3, 2014 at 1:18 AM

 

Quoting lillettemomma: My mother is starting that....she doesn't understand what is really going on.....no my kids are not just acting up they are special needs..... argh it's aggravating

 This is new to me and him...for the longest time my son hated to be hugged and squeezed and kissed she still says its because I enforce it in it...no I just let him have a voice.

Connorsmommy13
by Member on Mar. 3, 2014 at 1:44 AM

 

Quoting gummibr:

My son is bipolar and has some sensory issues so we experience some of the same issues.  I have had to learn to parent him differently than a "normal" child.  Having this realization also means not letting other people's opinions bother me, which can be very hard.  I have educated my parents on how my son is different and must be treated differently in certain situations.  It has taken a while but we have gotten there.  And no, we avoid situations that could trigger a melt down becuase that benefits no one and he doesn't learn any lesson as my parents assumed he would

 Wow I look up to you...my ex had bipolar (and a slue of other things) I am trying to learn to parent differently but this is still all new.

Not letting other peoples opinions bother me is hard...if they were judging me I wouldnt care...but I feel like they are judging my child..he is a good boy just diffent you know...

Connorsmommy13
by Member on Mar. 3, 2014 at 2:09 AM

 

Quoting SamMom912:

No, i most certainly do not.. i am respectful to my son with SPD. It isnt his FAULT that his body doesnt get the correct signals from his senses.. It is a disorder... id get your mom a book about children with SPD... Gabriel at school by hartley steiner, or arnie and his school tools.. And educate her. That is ridiculous, Id print out pages from www.sensorysmart.com or Biels book, raising a sensory smart child.. 

Thats like spanking a child until he gets out of his wheelchair to walk up stairs. Just mean. Desensitising needs to be compassionate and done with care, not disrespect like your mom would suggest... Ugh, I hate ignorance.. Its frustrating. 

Its def. not you... im so sorry.... 

 I do feel like it is my fault...I know it isnt but just feel guilty.

I am going to look into those books thank you, she just thinks its all dyes and nothing real...She informed me she is still going to except him to hug and kiss her...I will just get stricter...thanks again.

 

Connorsmommy13
by Member on Mar. 3, 2014 at 2:28 AM
1 mom liked this

 

Quoting Momof4AEMW:

My son has SPD with his ASD, and heck no I do not force things he is extremely uncomfortable with unless necessary.  Fruit is fruit, if he'll eat apple sauce instead of the apple, fine.  Do I care if he sleeps with the top sheet or just the blankets he finds softer, fine.  Why do I care he needs to go out with sunglasses and a hat to block the powerful sun and store lighting that make him go batty, fine.  Why fight him when he spills one little drop of whatever food/drink on his clothes that will drive him to complain all day when i can just change his clothes and have extra clothes at school.  Do i care if he wears his socks upside down because the hanes lettering shows that way and seam does not rub as much, ok.  Does it really matter that much that he turns the lights off in the house when he wants to watch a movie because he can see the screan better without all the other distracting objects in view, fine. 

Now, if he wants to get out of a dr appt because he is over stimmed or doesn't want to attend a family party we all have to go to as a family..Well, then I care, but take the tools to help him through the best I can and then give him down time once we are home.  It's about knowing when to pick my battles and when to just ride it out and let him make some choices.  I find he chooses what he needs sensory-wise, and that means a whole lot less screaming and fighting at me.  Your mom does not get it, and that's ok.  Most do not if it is not their child and they have not educated themselves on the issue and that it is not within your child's control.  Don't let it get to you.  You're the mom, you're a great mom, you know what you're doing so own it!

 

 

 See I am the same way, if he wants the no name salad dressing because it doesnt have the "flakes" in it so be it. If he needs the softer brown sugar or the felts that are in the right order so be it. I dont care that he doesnt wear underwear or likes to sleep naked or at least shirtless because it feel better. But my mom thinks everyone is the same and that he just needs to learn over it.

I dont let him get out of stuff (like you) just there are some things that just make his life easier...only jeans he likes are the skinny jeans...so its either skinny jeans or track pants...his socks have to be a certain way.. we don't miss family or doctor appoinments or church, I limit the big playground trips to times where I can have a ride there for a quick getaway..

Just frustrating to have family not belive that it exisits...you know?

Thank you for the encouragment :)

 

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