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Raising Special Needs Kids Raising Special Needs Kids

how's your marriage?

Posted by on Aug. 29, 2014 at 8:20 AM
  • 34 Replies
Just wondering if anyone else is in the same position I am. Sometimes I feel like I'm only here because we don't believe in divorce. And I couldn't afford to take care of the kids on my own. It seems like nothing I do is ever right, it's never enough. He doesn't talk to me and then tells me I don't care about his feelings. If I tell him how I feel about something, then I'm making everything all about me again. It just seems to be a never ending cycle and boils down to me feeling in cared about and him angry at me for feeling that way.
I don't know what to do anymore. I slept on the couch last night (bad hip and all) and he didn't even bother to cover me up or say goodnight when he got home from work. He just doesn't care. I kill myself trying to take care of the kids and fight for them, and take care of the house and it's just never enough.

Ok, vent over.
by on Aug. 29, 2014 at 8:20 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mandee1503
by Amanda on Aug. 29, 2014 at 8:25 AM
*hugs* the divorce rate of sn parents is much higher then any other couple. It's stressful.
arkansasmama08
by Gold Member on Aug. 29, 2014 at 8:30 AM
1 mom liked this
I know. And it feels like I'm the only one dealing with that stress. It's not even about the kids, I'm just not good enough for him. It just sucks. 9 years of marriage and it feels like it's just dead.

Quoting mandee1503: *hugs* the divorce rate of sn parents is much higher then any other couple. It's stressful.
mandee1503
by Amanda on Aug. 29, 2014 at 8:31 AM
I'm so sorry. Have you talked to him about it? Maybe try seeing about therapy?

Quoting arkansasmama08: I know. And it feels like I'm the only one dealing with that stress. It's not even about the kids, I'm just not good enough for him. It just sucks. 9 years of marriage and it feels like it's just dead.

Quoting mandee1503: *hugs* the divorce rate of sn parents is much higher then any other couple. It's stressful.
arkansasmama08
by Gold Member on Aug. 29, 2014 at 8:33 AM
He doesn't care. He says it's my fault. I'm not perfect by a long shot and I've made my share of mistakes. But so has he. He just doesn't want to deal with it.

Quoting mandee1503: I'm so sorry. Have you talked to him about it? Maybe try seeing about therapy?

Quoting arkansasmama08: I know. And it feels like I'm the only one dealing with that stress. It's not even about the kids, I'm just not good enough for him. It just sucks. 9 years of marriage and it feels like it's just dead.

Quoting mandee1503: *hugs* the divorce rate of sn parents is much higher then any other couple. It's stressful.
TommyAbby
by Bronze Member on Aug. 29, 2014 at 8:35 AM

Therapy asap. And if that doesn't work, you may want to bring up seperation.

This is not the kind of environment you want to raise your kids. They will pick up on the underlying tension and act out because they don't know how to help mommy and daddy.  As a child of a marriage that was nothing but tension and fights, don't do that to your kids. They deserve happy parents...even if it means living apart. 

When was the last time you two went on a date?? Did something without the kids?!?! 

mandee1503
by Amanda on Aug. 29, 2014 at 8:36 AM
Oh honey. *hugs* that's awful. I hope something works out for you then.

Quoting arkansasmama08: He doesn't care. He says it's my fault. I'm not perfect by a long shot and I've made my share of mistakes. But so has he. He just doesn't want to deal with it.

Quoting mandee1503: I'm so sorry. Have you talked to him about it? Maybe try seeing about therapy?

Quoting arkansasmama08: I know. And it feels like I'm the only one dealing with that stress. It's not even about the kids, I'm just not good enough for him. It just sucks. 9 years of marriage and it feels like it's just dead.

Quoting mandee1503: *hugs* the divorce rate of sn parents is much higher then any other couple. It's stressful.
arkansasmama08
by Gold Member on Aug. 29, 2014 at 8:45 AM
Separation/divorce is not an option. Sometimes I wish it were. I came from a crappy family too. My parents fought all the time. We don't fight or argue in front of the kids. He works nights so he's not around much during the day anyway. The kids just think I'm cranky because my hip is out of joint (and it is) and because I'm sore and tired from being pregnant. We just don't talk unless it's about our schedule or the kids. All 3 are sn and my cousin is too wrapped up in dealing with her own dad abandoning her to notice or care.

We don't get out often. We're flat broke and don't have many babysitter options. The last time we got away was the end of july.

Quoting TommyAbby:

Therapy asap. And if that doesn't work, you may want to bring up seperation.

This is not the kind of environment you want to raise your kids. They will pick up on the underlying tension and act out because they don't know how to help mommy and daddy.  As a child of a marriage that was nothing but tension and fights, don't do that to your kids. They deserve happy parents...even if it means living apart. 

When was the last time you two went on a date?? Did something without the kids?!?! 

TommyAbby
by Bronze Member on Aug. 29, 2014 at 8:48 AM

Sounds like you need to reconnect. You have a lot going on and no breaks. That would stress anyone out. 

Have you looked at getting respite care for the kids? I can help you if you want by looking for you. :)

Quoting arkansasmama08: Separation/divorce is not an option. Sometimes I wish it were. I came from a crappy family too. My parents fought all the time. We don't fight or argue in front of the kids. He works nights so he's not around much during the day anyway. The kids just think I'm cranky because my hip is out of joint (and it is) and because I'm sore and tired from being pregnant. We just don't talk unless it's about our schedule or the kids. All 3 are sn and my cousin is too wrapped up in dealing with her own dad abandoning her to notice or care. We don't get out often. We're flat broke and don't have many babysitter options. The last time we got away was the end of july.
Quoting TommyAbby:

Therapy asap. And if that doesn't work, you may want to bring up seperation.

This is not the kind of environment you want to raise your kids. They will pick up on the underlying tension and act out because they don't know how to help mommy and daddy.  As a child of a marriage that was nothing but tension and fights, don't do that to your kids. They deserve happy parents...even if it means living apart. 

When was the last time you two went on a date?? Did something without the kids?!?! 


arkansasmama08
by Gold Member on Aug. 29, 2014 at 8:50 AM
We don't qualify. And if we did, the wait list is years long. I appreciate the thought tho

Quoting TommyAbby:

Sounds like you need to reconnect. You have a lot going on and no breaks. That would stress anyone out. 

Have you looked at getting respite care for the kids? I can help you if you want by looking for you. :)

Quoting arkansasmama08: Separation/divorce is not an option. Sometimes I wish it were. I came from a crappy family too. My parents fought all the time. We don't fight or argue in front of the kids. He works nights so he's not around much during the day anyway. The kids just think I'm cranky because my hip is out of joint (and it is) and because I'm sore and tired from being pregnant. We just don't talk unless it's about our schedule or the kids. All 3 are sn and my cousin is too wrapped up in dealing with her own dad abandoning her to notice or care.

We don't get out often. We're flat broke and don't have many babysitter options. The last time we got away was the end of july.

Quoting TommyAbby:

Therapy asap. And if that doesn't work, you may want to bring up seperation.

This is not the kind of environment you want to raise your kids. They will pick up on the underlying tension and act out because they don't know how to help mommy and daddy.  As a child of a marriage that was nothing but tension and fights, don't do that to your kids. They deserve happy parents...even if it means living apart. 

When was the last time you two went on a date?? Did something without the kids?!?! 

TommyAbby
by Bronze Member on Aug. 29, 2014 at 8:54 AM

Huh.. how do you not qualify if you have 3 with SN?!? Curious is all..

How many agencies do you have in your area? I am wondering if your Service Coordinator could help bump you or just get you one day here and there for a break.

Quoting arkansasmama08: We don't qualify. And if we did, the wait list is years long. I appreciate the thought tho


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