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Having a rough week.

Posted by on Mar. 4, 2015 at 2:44 PM
  • 11 Replies

My 9 year old is really having a rough week... he just got his diagnoses (ADHD, ODD, Deppression, complex something that bascally means he hits many markers of many different diagnoses) and SPD I have not told him yet...

He is been so moody and disrespectful to a bigger degree this week. I took away night time TV about a month ago, he is STILL fighting me with that the whole "Maybe if you didnt take away my night time tv my life would be worth living and I would get school work done, but since you did and its not I wont" 

Today he wasnt focusing on his math so I took away the laptop and that was two hours ago and he is still just mouthing off to me and making life difficult. 

I went out last night alone for the first time in months and this is the pay back? This is why I never go anywhere or do anything. 

He has no electronics and will not be going outside till the work is done Told him that he just shrugged "Means you can't go anywhere either" 

by on Mar. 4, 2015 at 2:44 PM
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Replies (1-10):
jjamom
by Michele on Mar. 4, 2015 at 2:58 PM
Could you try breaking the work into smaller sections and letting him have a break after
each section? I have been through the whole withholding electronics until its done and I am not saying you're wrong for doing that. Sometimes that's all that works for me. But, maybe the task at hand would not seem so momentous if it was smaller chunks? I'm thinking along the lines of his ADHD here. I get like that sometimes myself. If a task is huge, I will put it off and put it off because every time I look at it, it just seems huge, insurmountable. So, if I tell myself, "ok start with just this first" I tend to at least get something done on it and then I usually reevaluate and see what chunk I can do next. And I also give myself breaks between.
Connorsmommy13
by Member on Mar. 4, 2015 at 3:07 PM


Quoting jjamom: Could you try breaking the work into smaller sections and letting him have a break after each section? I have been through the whole withholding electronics until its done and I am not saying you're wrong for doing that. Sometimes that's all that works for me. But, maybe the task at hand would not seem so momentous if it was smaller chunks? I'm thinking along the lines of his ADHD here. I get like that sometimes myself. If a task is huge, I will put it off and put it off because every time I look at it, it just seems huge, insurmountable. So, if I tell myself, "ok start with just this first" I tend to at least get something done on it and then I usually reevaluate and see what chunk I can do next. And I also give myself breaks between.

I have tried that it is SUPER hard to get him back on task. I have said some math (about 20 questions on a computer programe) then a body break, outside and everything...but all he wants in electronics...laptop, Ipad, xbox or TV. Everyone keeps telling me that screen time is a factor in his behaviour...I just feel like throwing my arms up in the air and saying "FINE be on the computer all day and get nothing done, but I can;t I have to report to his teacher ((homeschooling)) and he needs to get something done...

letstalk747
by Ruby Member on Mar. 4, 2015 at 3:47 PM

hugs

Connorsmommy13
by Member on Mar. 4, 2015 at 4:12 PM


Quoting letstalk747:

hugs

Thanks...just between is attitude latley and me fighting with myself to tell him or not...its been hard...

SamMom912
by Silver Member on Mar. 4, 2015 at 4:16 PM

I'm not big on punishing my kid because he has so many chips against him in this world, that punishing him makes him more alienated and more witholding... But conversely, the more I give, the more he gives... Mouthing off is NOT something that really matters in my world.. It is a verbal expression of displeasure. My kid has some impulsivity too... So his first idea in his head is the one that pops out.. It's not great, but I'm putting that on the back burner as I know it is not in his control, it hurts no one and well, "picking battles" right? I do explain my displeasure, and give him another chance to use appropriate words to espresso displeasure, but I don't take stuff away... I've found it really "teaches" him nothing especially in the heat of a moment when control seems to be lacking, his cognitive ability slips away.. Teaching is for moments that are calm and rational.

Id wonder if he feel so put upon (with a disability that makes things hard, receiving punishments for things his is not fully in control of) and feeling as if no one is on his side could be excasserbating the depression as well as the ODD.. I'd wonder if a different approach to discipline may be something you would consider for both your benefits? 

I have a lot of great books in my library and a lot of good YouTube videos that I could recommend if your open to a different viewpoint. LMK... 

Linagma03
by Platinum Member on Mar. 4, 2015 at 6:13 PM

Oh Wow! Sorry you are having to deal with this attitude. After him saying that it means you can't go anywhere either I think I'd be looking to go out for even an hour and basically show him that it doesn't mean you are being punished or forced to stay and listen to his mouth. I know that sounds mean but it would give him something to think about because it would take away some of the power/control he believes he has. 

Connorsmommy13
by Member on Mar. 4, 2015 at 7:17 PM


Quoting SamMom912:

I'm not big on punishing my kid because he has so many chips against him in this world, that punishing him makes him more alienated and more witholding... But conversely, the more I give, the more he gives... Mouthing off is NOT something that really matters in my world.. It is a verbal expression of displeasure. My kid has some impulsivity too... So his first idea in his head is the one that pops out.. It's not great, but I'm putting that on the back burner as I know it is not in his control, it hurts no one and well, "picking battles" right? I do explain my displeasure, and give him another chance to use appropriate words to espresso displeasure, but I don't take stuff away... I've found it really "teaches" him nothing especially in the heat of a moment when control seems to be lacking, his cognitive ability slips away.. Teaching is for moments that are calm and rational.

Id wonder if he feel so put upon (with a disability that makes things hard, receiving punishments for things his is not fully in control of) and feeling as if no one is on his side could be excasserbating the depression as well as the ODD.. I'd wonder if a different approach to discipline may be something you would consider for both your benefits? 

I have a lot of great books in my library and a lot of good YouTube videos that I could recommend if your open to a different viewpoint. LMK... 

I am new to all this diagnosed stuff....I don't know really how to handle it all... he is very mouthy and it gets frustrating We did end up going to the park, its a good walk, none of his friends were there though so we ended up just walking home .

He doesn't know about his disabilty I don't even know how to approach that. 

Doing his school work when he is glued to computer games is really hard. 

SamMom912
by Silver Member on Mar. 4, 2015 at 8:50 PM

Hugs Mom, I KNOw this is hard! :) I'm IN your shoes with a kid with issues myself. I think I was trying to pass along that I don't want you to be frustrated by his mouthy-ness... It's not something to really focus on since you know it is based in his disability... Knowing this kind of enables you to take that step back and the perspective that this is not something he is in complete control of at this point... Listen, when given correction, we all think.what we want... And then have the ability to stop ourselves from blurting out the first thing we think of... But he doesn't... It would be like getting mad at a child in a wheelchair for not climbing stairs... He just CANT.. He will get there (with love, support, good positive intervention... But I could tell from your post that you're frustrated and spinning your wheels... And Mom, I SO don't want that for you (or anyone!!) 

Why are you concerned about telling him? What are your thoughts? Will he be upset? Does he feel different? Would it let him know he IS different, and different is OK... 

ADDitude magazine and website is GREAT for info and Dr. hallowell writes some some good stuff as a contributing Dr. 

jed Baker also has some good stuff for you to look at... Dr Ross Greene and Rick Lavoie also good guys to check out on the internet (youtube speeches and interviews...) 

i guess I want you to feel more empowered as a mom... You sound like you're banging your head against a wall... And that is No FUN! Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result... I was going insane with my little guy... And then I KNEW I had to find a different way... And thru Drs and research.. I've found those guys books/interviews/youtube/websites INVALUABLE in helping me help my kid... 


Quoting Connorsmommy13:


Quoting SamMom912:

I'm not big on punishing my kid because he has so many chips against him in this world, that punishing him makes him more alienated and more witholding... But conversely, the more I give, the more he gives... Mouthing off is NOT something that really matters in my world.. It is a verbal expression of displeasure. My kid has some impulsivity too... So his first idea in his head is the one that pops out.. It's not great, but I'm putting that on the back burner as I know it is not in his control, it hurts no one and well, "picking battles" right? I do explain my displeasure, and give him another chance to use appropriate words to espresso displeasure, but I don't take stuff away... I've found it really "teaches" him nothing especially in the heat of a moment when control seems to be lacking, his cognitive ability slips away.. Teaching is for moments that are calm and rational.

Id wonder if he feel so put upon (with a disability that makes things hard, receiving punishments for things his is not fully in control of) and feeling as if no one is on his side could be excasserbating the depression as well as the ODD.. I'd wonder if a different approach to discipline may be something you would consider for both your benefits? 

I have a lot of great books in my library and a lot of good YouTube videos that I could recommend if your open to a different viewpoint. LMK... 

I am new to all this diagnosed stuff....I don't know really how to handle it all... he is very mouthy and it gets frustrating We did end up going to the park, its a good walk, none of his friends were there though so we ended up just walking home .

He doesn't know about his disabilty I don't even know how to approach that. 

Doing his school work when he is glued to computer games is really hard. 


SamMom912
by Silver Member on Mar. 4, 2015 at 8:53 PM

About schoolwork... Have you ever talked with him about 30 minutes computer game... 15 minutes physical activity,,,then 30 min. School work? 1 fun thing followed by a challenging thing, followed by a preferred activity,,, By the way- love you guys walk and exercise- good proprioceptive input for him to help him organize his thoughts!!! Great job!!!! 

CBMama06
by Bronze Member on Mar. 4, 2015 at 9:16 PM
Prayers and hugs mama! Hope things get better for you all! 🙏
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